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you are a car wreck at 75 miles per hour
that i cannot take my eyes off of
on a saturday morning with lo-fi radio
speaking the sun
as it breathes life into this death setting:
i’ll grow stories wrapped with truth
because it’s hard to only speak truth when
we are both so damaged, tangled
wrapped in the backseat like a baby on it’s first day home

******* the way you
lace fingers in the tea-kettle black ***
coughing up a lung as sacrifice to the ancient gods who told me
on my 18th birthday that
you would taste so good across my lips
no matter how split, how dry, chapped, and hungry
they were -
******* the way you
split aching bodies in two
one half of pain seated on the devil’s tongue
one half of pleasure begging god
please let me get what i want
and i have to tell you
it is not a melody i have gotten used to

because you are still that car wreck i can’t pull my eyes from
even when life is sprouting from my own hands
tugging at my own silvery strings connected to you
and connected to everything
i unknowingly snip those silver strings of fate
and let you hang in the breeze
of the way i have been taught to say
please
Can you not see I'm dying

no blade
no bullet
no poison down my gullet

no rope
no river
no liquer in my liver

no pills
no pillow
no stakes of sharpened willow

but I'm dying all the same...

dying

to be with you again



my love.
 Apr 2013 Rachael Stainthorpe
JM
To the hopeful ones:
I am unavailable.
Emotionally.
http://youtu.be/AyZdWQ6aSUQ

Ladies and gents
let me present
To you
Me

The heart that crushes
Makes art blushes
When I see irony
I runaway from me

I’m a tight not with loose ends
I’m thick I bend
I carry a shoe lace noose
and walk
With a mouth that’s bullet proof
I’m poetrys’
Muthafuckin’
G’

Shake me
Shake loose some lyrical tendencies
And you’ll see
Im soft like cookie’s
Dough
Ya know?
Kneed me mash me with your fingers
nowhere near your mind do I linger
But
I still got a tongue like a
Trigger finger

And you used to mock me
when I say peace
To this – I grind my teeth
I take this powder and sell it on the black market
Then I go to the white store
And find myself a racist *****
And **** slap her with a sentence thunderous
Just
to explain there is no race under us
******
A fist at a fathers gist
Ask the **** why he raised me like this
Twist

And say, do you see that miss
That girl is disgusting
Yet her beauty gives her attractiveness
I attack with this
I bow to her like a blasphemist
Look for a bent *** to kiss

I’m yoga preztled trying to fit social norms
This lifelong lifetime will we round into social form
Torn corners
rip me down the middle to find freedom
Where the **** is Lennon when you need him
Oh, yeah,
A bullet
******'
Freed ‘em

We need to understand
We aint’ birds in cages
Yet the bars set in places
Flawed faces
Getting a chance to rejoice
love hoist
Beauty poised?
We are so **** far from this
So instead we stare at unfair bliss
Oh by the way – I’m a ******* ****** killer

*But poetry is a **** good therapist
If i was a perfectionist i would film again to get that wink right. But perfection is for the delusional.
She told me once
that she's never
seen a firefly.

Last night, I tried
to catch her one.

The evening breeze
had drawn it close;
silently it
wandered through the
open window.

At first, moonlight
masked its entrance.
The modest torch
it carried had
been overwhelmed
by shades of grey.

It landed on
a tiny leaf,
from vines that crawled
up the walls, and
into my room.

Resting quietly
on its platform,
the dull, green strobe
pulsated, slow
constant rhythm.

I cupped my hands,
extended them,
and gently reached
out toward the
unsuspecting
visitor. It
stayed, motionless.

At that moment,
I knew it was
mine to keep. For
you. For me? I
can't remember.

It had become
my light, my warmth.
All that mattered,
to me it was.

I opened my
cupped hands. Still it
stayed, motionless.

One, two, three, four.
I noticed that
every burst had
become dimmer
than the previous.

It was dying.

I imagined
it must've tried
hard, gathering
enough courage
to shine brightly
in the darkness,
but a firefly
cannot outshine
the brightest star.


If I had known.
If I listened,
I would've heard
its humble plea:
Though my light fades,
let me rest here
in your own warmth.

You don't glow green,
but I see it.
You are shining.
Let me rest here
in your own warmth.


She told me once
that she's never
seen a firefly.

Tonight, I will
tell her how I
had caught her one,
and what I learned:

*Seek not the weak
light that flickers
in another.
Look inside you.
It burns bright red.
This has been in my drafts since October 2012. I couldn't decide what to do with it. I was unsure because sometimes parts didn't make sense to me. And it feels childish. I suppose one could say that's the charm.
 Apr 2013 Rachael Stainthorpe
JM
As long as you breathe, I will inhale you.

And after you are finished breathing,
when you have uttered your final words,
I will speak your sacred name in my throat.

I will  visit your grave perhaps once,perhaps often, not to say goodbye,
but to cry and laugh with you.

I will keep your memory alive in my bowels that held your love,
in my mouth that kissed your brow,glistening with sweat.
in the soles of my feet that  walked next to you in the market,
in the tips of my fingers that caressed your hair out of your eyes so many
times,
in my nose that captured your ever changing, ever lovely essence,
in my tongue, that called your name during our volcanic passions.

I will have your love in me still,
kiss your brow, always,
walk with you, forever,
sweep your hair, eternally,
smell you, endlessly,
and speak your name until the end of my days,
when                  is the last word that crosses my lips.

I will never love another.
Originally posted March 7, 2012
 Apr 2013 Rachael Stainthorpe
JM
If my eyes should betray,
pluck them from their holes.
and if my hands deny you,
cut them from my arms.
and when my feet turn away
from us
smash me at the knees
for I would rather be
blind and lame
than not be yours,
in your garden of grey blooms.
Originally posted March 7, 2012
The masses are covered in gloss
And makeup that does not make up
For Imperfections
My reflection
Is my religion
My poetry
Is where I begin
You used to be where I end
My back is what used to bend
My bank account is what I used to spend
And then
I was there
At a destination that happened to be nowhere
No place, your hair, your face, you are not aware
You left a poet drunk
And in despair
This poem is about you
And I hope you read it anywhere
I'm still at the bottom
Of this fruit cup
Haven't been stirred
To rise to the top
Because how
Do you go up
When there are no rungs
You care to step on,
Unlike some who think
They'll come up
As if on an escalator
I'm sorry to let you know
It's broken
Now stairs
You must do the work
Yourself,
Step up
Step up
Reach forward
Push, pull
Yourself up
If the sky
Looks like infinity
It's because
Goals are endless
And you're not inside
A measuring cup
As time is only forward
And so you must too
Lurch, drag, march
Step, run, jump
In the same direction,
And let me know
How it goes...
APAD13 - 088 © okpoet
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