She hugs me
Not those icky, clingy, draining hugs I dislike
but
She hugs me
and I like it!

She hugs me
And I feel warm and wrapped in comfort
when
She hugs me
****, I like it

She hugs me
I'm looking forward to seeing her
because
She hugs me
And I like it

She hugs me
I barely even know her but I
Know
She hugs me
And I like it

She hugs me
And she lingers and says bye
then
She hugs me
Again!

She hugs me
And today I just can't stop smiling
because
She kissed me!
And I liked it!

Sweet smells reach my nose bitter
my body feels the terror before my heart does
then pain squeezes my heart before a thought can
formulate the memory

my body can remember faster than my mind
so I hide the shaking it does till I can catch up

this room seems empty to everyone else
but it's full to me
too full
I can hear the whispers of hate in here    
lies and shame
anger fighting righteous anger

it's pressing down on me so if I
reach out for your hand and you feel my fingers
intertwined with yours

I am just trying to anchor myself to the truth.

You are everything that isn't me
And that is why you delight my soul

And all you do
challenges me, you're good for me
I hope I'm good for you.

Jesus inspires you and shines from you
you're beautiful but this is more
than beautiful

I could stare at you all day and listen to you all day, which is good
because what you like to do is talk, and yet
even though you talk and I like to listen, you're a mystery
still
I can't figure you out, and that intrigues me because what I do best
is figure people out

Maybe I should change your name to Rubik's

But I can solve a Rubik's.

Can you sing? Read poetry and books? I do not mean can you do these things the best but
will you sing for me?

And can you stay? Not so I can solve you, I hope I never
solve you
I have a deep fear of being left
and I know that's not your problem, but I really
hope you can stay.

Last week I jumped from the side of a perfectly safe ship
   and plunged deep into an ocean of limerence

I couldn't help myself because I stood and looked
   and felt the ocean grab deep inside me

It was like the water needed me and she
captivated me with her purity

I fell through the cool rushing air and smiled
then I was enclosed in the security of the ocean

the deep unknown that somehow feels safe  
exciting, and full of mysteries to know

I hate you cancer
Because you ravaged my mother's beautiful body
  and then you stole her

We pleaded with you and you did not relent
Mummy cried out in pain and you did not relent
Mummy wept as you ripped pieces from her body
Then she stoically stared you in the face, as if
you could not destroy her
but you still did.

Mum
Me and your moko,
We lay on the grass
Staring into the stars
And someone came by and said we
might find you there
But we didn't.

And how could we really
Stars are burning gas
hung by the powerful creator you are with
But still I stared
hoping for a shooting one

I haven't seen any since we were together on my deck
and Mum-
I've laid and held your cardies with their cigarette smell
And I've curled up with your ashes and wept
But you're not there
I don't want to hear the empty words
people say (I know they're only trying to help)
I know you are not here

Yes
I see you in my mirror
and in the paintings you left
In my birthday cards
In the crutches by the door
My daughter's face.

The memory of your warm hand stroking my face (if I concentrate hard I can nearly feel it) with love no-one else can give me

Lying in the grass
With dew settling on our heads
We knew you weren't there.

And I'm glad for you Mum
Secure with the Father
Finally healed.

I think of your face shining as the Holy Spirit filled you
And your arms stretched towards heaven
and your voice
Singing 'On Eagle's Wings'
Filled with joy

And I know that's where you are
You're not meant to be here.

It's time you wrote some poetry
It doesn't have to rhyme
Just write pretty words and stuff you see
When you have the time

Read beautiful things that make no sense
Travel far away
Reading shouldn't make you tense
Or make your brain decay

Find the words that make you smile
And warm you up inside
Sit and write a little while
Let your dreams be occupied.