Mum
Me and your moko,
We lay on the grass
Staring into the stars
And someone came by and said we
might find you there
But we didn't.

And how could we really
Stars are burning gas
hung by the powerful creator you are with
But still I stared
hoping for a shooting one

I haven't seen any since we were together on my deck
and Mum-
I've laid and held your cardies with their cigarette smell
And I've curled up with your ashes and wept
But you're not there
I don't want to hear the empty words
people say (I know they're only trying to help)
I know you are not here

Yes
I see you in my mirror
and in the paintings you left
In my birthday cards
In the crutches by the door
My daughter's face.

The memory of your warm hand stroking my face (if I concentrate hard I can nearly feel it) with love no-one else can give me

Lying in the grass
With dew settling on our heads
We knew you weren't there.

And I'm glad for you Mum
Secure with the Father
Finally healed.

I think of your face shining as the Holy Spirit filled you
And your arms stretched towards heaven
and your voice
Singing 'On Eagle's Wings'
Filled with joy

And I know that's where you are
You're not meant to be here.