When their lungs are still expanding
But your world is crashing
When their heart still beats
But you just feel defeat
When neither of you intended this
But your pain is an endless abyss
How do you thrive
When you are grieving someone who is alive

Under different circumstances who I could have become
She would be
Carefree
Smart,
Confident
Friendly
Trusting
Loving
She wouldn’t think everyone is going to leave her
She wouldn’t see memories of the past in people’s actions
She would trust that people mean what they say
She could love
And be loved
But I am not her
I grew up hard and rough
I wasn’t able to be that carefree
I will never be smart and confident
I will always struggle to make and keep friends
I will always struggle to love
And I will never be able to be loved

Leaves fall all around
Collapsing to the ground
As the days pass
Shriveling in the grass
The weather gets colder
The weight gets heavier on my shoulders
My mind gets darker like the night
The snow is all that is in sight

You would think having little pieces of them everywhere would be a comfort
A reminder that they never truly leave you
But instead of a comforting hand on your shoulder
It’s a cold haunting feeling of what you lost
Of who is gone
Because the comfort of ghosts
Is no comfort at all

There’s more than one way to die
Little pieces of me die every time a loved one leaves
Every time a friend betrays me
Every time a dream is crushed
Every time I am hurt
Every time someone dies
I may still be alive
But pieces of me rot away
Slowly each day

I am not without my sins
But neither are you
We both have scars
We both have caused harm
But I admit that I have slashed
While you say that you slipped
I defend you in front of peers
As you drag my name through the mud
I kneel before you asking for a truce
And you spit in my face

I see you
I see you as the leaves in the trees
I see you in the dew on the breeze
I see you as the smell of coffee in the morning
As the bees that buzz when I’m gardening

I see you as only I can see you
You are there laughing with me in my late nights
You are there talking to me in the early morning
You are there when I am talking about my delights
You are there when I am mourning

You will never see me in the same light
You will never see me as the flowers in the spring
You will never see me as rainbow after a midday storm
You will never see me as all the joy I bring
You will never see me as the hot chocolate that keeps you warm

Because you will never see me as I see you
And I will never mean as much to you
As you do to me
And that’s how we will always be