I wish I could sing you my heart with a thousand even millions choir of angels singing by my side as I accompany them with the melodic songs of my heart as each rhythm,
note and song sung sings of every emotion I feel about you in my heart, and how lucky I am to have you in my life.
What sweet melodies of love are these that come from my heart?
Its the joy and pride to say that my heart has truly being stolen by someone special in my life.
Oh how lucky I am to have fallen in love with you.

we met 5 years ago,
in a town close to home.
we got along so well,
like mirrors,
we reflected each other ,
call it the perks of being two lovers,
who knew each other well and better.
we really had it going for us,
the love shared between us was a beautiful painting of art,
and we the artists of our hearts,
painting beautiful memories that will always be on replay at the back of my mind, where my pillows keeps the secrets of the dreams that mean the most to me,
the meaningful dreams of I and him.

Was there ever such a word so beautiful yet cruel called love?
one wonders who came up with this hurtful word?

I'm left to pick up the pieces of my broken heart,
one by one,
to start again,
is the hardest thing to ever do,
to know that someone else lips you kiss are no longer his,
the bed you shared with him,
has someone else lying on it,
and you have to force yourself,
to repeat the words you don't mean to someone else,
when deep down you wish it was him you were repeating those words too.

I stood outside the white doors of the hospital.
the invitation still open.
was I really going ahead with this?
killing a life that was about to miss out,
on a future he or she could have had the chance to live out,
experienced,
feel,
in the name of love.
I could feel the tears streaming down,
I could feel myself drowning in a well,
of fears.
the fear of missing out on the beautiful sight of seeing his first crawl,
or the first time she spoke.
was I really doing this?
Giving up on what I will miss the most?
He held my hand and wiped my tears,
he kissed my forehead and whispered quietly in my ears,
"I'm here,
I'm not going anywhere."
I had to this,
there was no other way,
yet he still wanted to stay.
this was it,
we went in,
ready to let go...
the nurse said,
"its time".

blue skies,
smiling sun shining on two lovers,
as they kissed in delight,
and sight of each other,
he was hers and she his,
no one was going to take him away from  her,
and her from him.
she loved to stare at her diamond ring,
so small yet perfect,
imperfect like him she thought.
she loved him,
she really did
and thanked cupid for the lover he had sent,
to her.
how did such a reality become a dream?
although it felt like a dream,
the fact that the pain cut deep into a place,
she'd thought would never face,
was the reality she was facing.
Love is two faced,
one minute its there in your face,
loving you with both hands,
treating you like you the most important person in the world,
next minute it back stabs you,
you never thought it could hurt,
so much.

I was standing next to him,
staring deep into his eyes,
it almost made me blind,
to change my mind,
of how my heart,
truly felt about him,
it almost made me want to realize,
epitomize that maybe he was the "one",
not the same as the other guy,
whose words were antagonist,
in disguised,
an oxymoron of  half truths and half lies,
it actually hurts to write this poem
put it words I wish were my own,
but in honest truth its better to hide them at home,
because if I had to describe them to you,
you wouldn't understand the feeling inside.

I write when I'm happy
I write when I'm sad
Once I've written all I can
My heart fills with a wave of tidal oceans,
I feel glad.

I write words to inspire,
some words filled with desire,
as long as the message is clear,
I want to open up your mind, eyes, ears
to see what I've written
I want the whole world to hear.

my writing you see might make you sigh,
make the depths of your heart touched,
make you redden with burning anger,
or simply make you cry a river,
forgive me if I offend you in my writings,
my aim is for my words to be reached.

as long as the message is clear,
I want to open up your mind, eyes, ears
to see what I've written
I want the whole world to hear.

that's why I write.

I saw claws that dug deep into my skin more like my soul,
they would't let go,
I tried to look up and I saw horns with thorns.
Every time they drew near to my face,
they pierced my flesh and blood dripped like a heavy rain.
This mysterious monster, fiend,
made a terrible screech which should me endlessly,
I could feel myself vibrating,
fear had gotten a hold on me,
its almost like I could hear myself screaming,
but know one could hear me,
eventually I woke up to realize it was only just a dream!

can I go outside,
to see the smiling sun,
wheel me around with my wheelchair in the park,
play with other kids,
just for a while,
just this last time.

can I take off my bandana,
let the breeze of wind brush against,
my cheeks,
hands,
hairless head,
just this last time,
for me,
please.

just this last time,
before I go to bed,
and never wake up again,
let me see,
the twinkles in moms eyes,
to play with the rays of sunlight,
through my fingers, feet, toes, hairy arms,
just this last time,
before lullabies of goodbyes,
are sung to me,
before I go to sleep,
just this last time
please.

for I know,
they'll be no me,
tomorrow,
I would have breathed my last breath,
and may leave those I love to cry in sorrow,
so please,
let me be,
just this last time,
just for me.

"just look up"
mama would say.
she always smiled when she looked up,
as if she were high on drugs,
in this case she was high on God.
she loved to look up,
when the times were tough,
she'd look up and cry,
quietly whispering words of prayer to herself.
looking up gave her hope,
it made me wonder how God,
could answer so many prayers at once,
did he ever stop to take a break and forget about us?
or stop looking down.

she is a winner and i a loser,
she has won a trophy and i have gained a broken heart.

I've become blind.
you have made me blind,
not just by sight,
but by body,
soul and mind,
all three in one,
entwined,
in you,
I've fallen in love,
you give me courage to love,
freely,
willingly,
beautifully,
pleasurably,
Godly.
lost in you,
I've learnt to find a place I can be
who I want to be,
lost in you,
I've find a better me,
the happier me,
a woman whose worthy,
to be loved.

his a lover at night,
but,
a stranger during the day.
his heart in the quietness of nights  is only expressed through alcohol,
where at day he becomes cold and hard as stones...
stones...
that's what our relationship has become,
a once strong formidable rock of love,
now pieces of rock,
stones on oblivious ground.

I love it when you love me.
not just through word of mouth, telephoning,
writing, emailing,
I love it when you love me,
with your presence.

your proximity,
compels me to you,
its as if once near to you,
I'm possessed,
lost in a world,
I never knew could exist.

How my body aches,
for your warm loving touch,
you take me higher,
like a machine being driven to places,
you take me to places.

I'm so deeply lost in you,
for you have ways of making me feel needed,
I can't explain it,
but you amaze me..
your love for me makes me happy.

from the time,
that i was born,
i was a walking doll,
the younger version of barbie ofcourse,
thats what mama thought.
she would dress me up,
with her best pearl collection,
and silky dresses she had bought for me,
at expensive clothing stores,
she wanted me to be the most perfect of them all.
to make sure in the eyes of many,
i was adored...
i look at my daughter,
whose four years old,
now,
she lives in her own world,
shes her own being,
my bundle of joy,
i love the fact that she is so free in around her surroundings,
my hope for me as her mother,
is to never,
make my daughter
feel that she has to live up to the expectations
of being perfect,
or better,
than anyone,
in order to be loved,
and not to make the mistake mama made,
when she wanted me to be the most perfect girl,
in her world.

as I lie down to sleep,
these silent memories,
like snails,
slowly crawl into my head,
every memory stuck on replay,
memories of our last kiss
in your small silver car,
the last kiss shared before we faded  away,
like dust we dispersed into air,
memories of that day still
haunt me,
your face
it wont go away,
those beautiful eyes,
the way your touch sent waves of explosions,
inside and outside of  me
you were the only one who could release that feeling in me,
because you knew me,
you once loved me,
such memories are too precious to eradicate,
to make them go away,
how I wish it would never hurt this much to go to bed,
sleeping in a world of old memories,
and shedding oblivious tears.

I remember,
water dripping,
slowly,
trickling,
down two lovers hair,
face,
eyes,
lips entwined,
hands grabbing,
in desire for what they so desirably longed for the whole day,
yet had to suppress their need,
they had to hide it quietly inside their explosive beating hearts for each other.
I remember it all,
it was once a memory that always made me feel nervous inside,
creating butterflies in my tum,
tubes tied,
and now I'd like to think it has become a,
meaningless,
emotionless feeling inside...
why am I lying to myself,
that memory still compels me to watch it in my mind,
replay a time where I onced felt how it felt to be loved,
cry,
and cry,
and cry,
because of the broken glass thats left a crack in  my heart,
a crack that can never be healed by anyone else,
all thats left is that one memory of the shower before he quickly,
vainly,
disappeared from his lover.

across the room,
I walked out of my living room door.
eyes concentrated,
drawn on the floors of my covered toes,
to the roof of my Afro.

Men stared at me with raw impure thoughts,
racing through their brains,
it was moment of galore for them,
that such exposure could have such an effect on their oblivious groins.

The clicking of my heels,
clicked on,
what could a woman do but walk on and remember that,
another like me, will soon again make him, him or even him,
turn heads
all simply because his just  being a man.

They never knew what happened to me when I was a child. They never bothered to check or even ask why I kept so quiet all the time. They never knew what he used to do to me when they weren't around. My precious tiny body, my innocence stripped away by own cousin, who always made the world his play ground. A devil, my nightmare in disguise whose favourite times with me were always at night where everyone had gone to bed and he would sneak up to my bed and do as he pleased with me as he kept telling me that everything would be alright and that this was his way of showing how much he loved me. How could I have listened to him? Believed all his lies as he told me that "this is to be kept a secret between the two of us". What did I know? For I was a little child whose world was filled with childish thoughts and silly fairy tale dreams that meant nothing. How did those dreams become my fear so quick? How can one forceful kiss or painful touch give me endless nightmares? Look at me today, look at this young woman that I have become today, still living in that fear because of my childhood. I've become such an insecure being, still questioning and trying to understand why my cousin did what he did to me. Worst of all how could they not see it? See what was happening in front of their eyes. Did they not love me enough? Did they? Even after attending so many counselling sessions why do I still feel out of place? I feel like I'm lacking something that could have made me proud to call myself beautiful or special. Almighty father forgive me for taking so long to forgive him, forgive everything his done to me, forgive him for not asking me for my apology, forgive me for finding it hard to forgive.

crystal ****,
popping drinks,
thats the way we live,
more like our way of having fun,
the stereotype of being young.
you can call us the new generation.
out in the streets and houses at midnight,
where beds are supposed to be filled with young teenage kids,
lost in a world of "childish" dreams.
their beds are as empty as a crystal clear glass.
replaced with the pleasure seeking party life,
dancing away their lives till morning,
tryna fight the inevitable tiredness of their bodies.
this is us,
the new generation,
the stereotype,
of who we are
and what we have become.

in the quietness of nights,
where peacefulness and tranquility lies,
I see a little girl,
next to her
her cousin laid,
it was alright then to share a bed with a boy.
but,
no,
he was a man in the form of a boy,
with adult thoughts,
adult hands,
for boy of 16,
he could do so much with his adult thinking..
what did I know for I was only a kid.
as my mind was slowly seeping into a world of childish dreams,
something from behind,
awakened me,
pulse raising,
heart palpitating,
he was choking me,
he was telling me I deserved this,
for misbehaving early,
when I refused to let him touch me,
even though he would still touch me aways.
his breathing was growing heavy now..
I could feel him forcing himself inside,
he was ******,
and I was screaming,
but no one could hear me,
why did no one hear my screams?
why could they not see what he was doing to me
why?
why do these nightmares still haunt me?
I fear to go back to sleep,
these nightmares;
they make me feel so weak,
for every dream takes me to the little girl,
the one  I used to be.

we may not be the most obvious expressionists,
for we keep our special pen and papers,
folders,
diaries hidden from the world,
and once we enter our secret world,
that's when we fully open up to our paper,
and the  pen becomes a reflection of our hearts,
the thoughts impregnating our minds,
falls like waterfalls onto our paper,
our pen becomes a existing object in our lives,
we create him as our best friend,
lover,
as he writes down all our desires,
secrets,
feelings we hide in our hearts, to afraid to tell anyone what goes on in our head.

These ******* fed you when you were still an innocent babe,
Between these legs of mine I cried and from beauty there was pain.
and yet you man whose media/society hyprocracy has become your GOD,
making you look down,
turn heads in shame,
on women who breast feed in public
why?

These golden opportunities given to you and I,
slowly slipping out of your hands not only because if you wanted it you could do anything just to get your hands on it,
but because you're defined by this so called hierarchy, 50 shades of skin tones, size, weight and body,
but if you don't fit into that category your nothing
you simply amount to nothing.
why?

You
Me
Us
brother,
sister,
mother,
father,
any figure.

when will you wake up from this superficial cloud we are all living?
breathing in the lies of how we should be living...
could this truly be what if means to be happy?

ode to the brave who still remain the same,
and will not allow anyone to try and change them because you are rare in this cruel world,
and your change is yet to come.

they say "pain demands to be felt"
how can they say such words when they've experienced the pain I've felt?
I guess their right,
no matter how hard you try to push away the emotions,
the pain you feel inside of  you always haunt you somehow,
it slowly sinks in,
biting away at your heart,
racing to your mind,
making you feel worse than you expected to feel before.

Stop listening to perfume scented lies,
that leave you empty Inside,
for his tongue only utters words,
that allow your leg to slowly open,
forgetting,
that your heart is left with scars,
so just stop,
listening to perfume scented lies.....

I remember that night,
when you stutted whilst tryna introduce me as your girlfriend to your parents,
I guess you were nervous more than I was,
nervous that I'd be upset by you finally giving a label to what was happening between the two of us,
but,
I smiled to myself,
trying to hide the pleasant feeling I was feeling inside.

The best part of that night,
was when we shared our first deep kiss,
perhaps I wanted us to do more than just kiss,
perhaps I wanted to unveil our ****** feelings for each other,
I wanted to touch you so badly,
my groins ached for you to caress my body at that moment,

Dear Friend,
Dear brother,
Dear sister,
Dear Mother
Dear Father
Dear son
Dear Daughter
Dear Grandmother
Dear Grandfather
Dear you whose compass has lead to this note,
This is no ordinary letter,
Its a word or two to encourage you.
I may have never danced in your world,
or laid beside you to capture the dreams that are good,
or simply those that brought you hurt.

I may have never gotten the chance to take a glance at this beauty in front of me,
nor crossed paths with your eyes,
which personally I adore the most, how they say so much yet the world knows little of what comes from that beautiful mind of yours.

You see I write this to you because, I love you
and to know that someone you do not know of loves you the way I do, is the best feeling ever, because no one else in the world deserves LOVE more than you do, never ever forget that.

I hope that your hand, your eyes, the words that creep out of your mouth and spreads its wings like butterflies may meet with this simple  poem of mine,
and hopefully you and I can help spread the word of love to someone else as amazing as you are to me,
To inspire and heal a broken heart,
To bring about a sense of warmth within the hearts
because nothing matters to me than seeing you simply happy,
so smile, take joy in life,
there's nothing more profound than the breath of a new morning. Its a way of telling you that you deserve to be alive, that there is purpose in your life.

I wish there were no eyes to see
No tongue to taste
No air to breath
No feet to walk
No heart to feel
No mouth to talk
No hands to touch
No mind to think
No thoughts
Nothing
Not a single existence of this view in the mirror  before me.

For I've learnt that at the end of the day no matter how many times you try to be you
No matter how many times you try to be the fixer of all things
Life chews you up and throws you away on the grounds you were born from and your existence eventually means nothing to anyone.

Not a single one
So what's the point?
Why don't I just die
I've planned to commit suicide several times
But the timing doesn't seem right
Will it ever be?
My impregnated thoughts are slowly  killing me as they build up an army inside my mind, injecting their pictures into my blood stream stabbing words straight to my heart.
I want it all to disappear
Not now though
I need it to be the right time
I've still got hope
That maybe its part of life
But each day is killing me
All I want to do is sleep
I crave love yet I can't seem to find it
For wherever I do seems like no one can handle me or give like I give.
Perhaps I should go
I need to be alone
I need to die
I've come to a point that this life has no meaning
I have no meaning
I hate myself for being like this
I hate happy people with happy lives and happy dreams
How could I ever have their thinking
Their believes that there is something worth living for
My life feels poor
I can hear the exit door calling me
I need to stop these tears  from having a galore
I need to go.

I'm sorry if I leave the world broken and bruised as it still is
I'm sorry of I couldn't make a difference
I'm sorry if I hurt those that care about me
I'm sorry if I haven't given my enemies the chance to get back at me
I'm sorry for not following your purpose Lord
I guess you had so much plans for me and I slapped you in the face with death beneath your feet
Forgive me please

Hell is waiting
For the day I leave these grounds
It may be today or any other day
But I'm tired
The verge of giving up has become an understatement
Maybe I'm going crazy
But how can I not be when my heart carries on paining  each morning I awake.
It's suffocating me and one day I will make It all disappear I promise you my friend.
No sight of me shall reach your eyes
No taste shall come unto my tongue
No air shall I breath
No feet of mine shall walk unto your path
No heart shall you feel
Not a single word from my mouth shall you hear
No caring hands shall reach out to touch yours
No thoughts shall you ever read  from my lips
Nothing
Not a single view from this mirror shall ever ceize to exist.

can we pretend like everything is like yesterday,
pretend the smiles on are faces are the same,
as they were the other day,
the day you met me and I met you,
back then the love was truly real,
who ever said dreams come true,
is the biggest liar I've ever met because if they were,
I wouldn't be here stuck with you,
missing you,
even though your right here next to me,
but living my dream oh happy endings,
with my prince charming.

Dear Mr President of South Africa,
with all due respect,
I write before you in poetry,
I write on behalf of my citizens and others,
to ask you questions I feel are answered.

The streets are filled with potholes,
inflation continuously grows,
there's crime, abuse unsolved,
and buildings, homes waiting to be built until then families,
children,
mothers,
brothers,
live outside alone in the cold.
Let me not get started on the secrecy of our politicians, departments of our country,
so much for a democracy,
you might as well label it hyprocrisy,
because of the repetition of  the corruption in our so called democratic country.
and then you expect us to keep on cheering you on like we are happy citizens in our society.
I know you are probably thinking why is this kid worried about this country?
I'm a citizen just like you,
I'm human,
I also have rights, just like yourself,
but,
I care for my country in ways you probably wound never understand.
you see,
I was born from the roots of Africa,
from my African mother and father,
they fought in apartheid,
they are both bread winners,
yet ignore the lies fed to them in our country,
they choose to live their lives in obliviousness that someday our country will be better with time,
that maybe someday you Mr president will change your mind,
about the way our country should be run.

now the question left to ask sir,
is why do you support the way things should be in  the country?
Questions are left unanswered from your people that need the help most,
the poor,
the hungry,
the ones whose homes were promised to them when it was time to vote,
why do you carry on fooling us that everything will be okay if we just vote.
VOTE?!
Voting itself has lost its purpose,
it doesn't even live up to its promise,
you don't even live up to yours.
there is still so much to be done in our third world country,
it isn't to late to start now,
to prevent history from repeating itself.

No one heard my silwnt cries
Today
Tomorrow
Till my life does its part
AND I DIE

Cry with hate and sorrow
And love devine
Its my time
My time to shine

you have eyes and so do I,
you and I have ears that hear,
a mouth that talks,
internal organs structured the same way as mine,
and feet that walk,
its this beautiful simplicity that makes us human and connects each other,
sister or brother, friend or even lover,
yet why do we make color the issue that "separates each other?"

times need to change where we have to look beyond colour,
stop this invasive xenophobia from hurting each other,
placing so called colors in boxes just to feel superior than the other.
we are created the same way,
yet society forgets to place that in there minds each day,
instead the corrupted media injects these theories,
ideologies into our heads,
that makes us behave in a way that brings upon hatred towards one another,
brother to brother hating each other,
wars created just because of this simple man-made word COLOR!
Someday it will soon change,
when the world caves in and we step away from the segregation,
separation due to race,
even though some of us don't want to admit it,
its still there,
the racism,
the stereotype because of race hasn't faded away,
and once we break away from it,
everyone can live in a safe environment just like any other day.

standing on top of a mountain,
my eyes like eagles travel before me,
sight to earth,
sight to skies,
I close my eyes pretending to be a bird I spread my wings,
I want to fly,
experience what birds feel,
no fear inside of them,
the luck given to them to travel,
to migrate
anywhere,
but,
then again here I am,
back to where I'm standing,
on this simple mountain,
the view looks the same,
I guess this is the reality of wanting to run away,
yet knowing and acknowledging that
there's nowhere to run to.

I regret holding you,
when you cried in my arms.
I regret kissing you,
and telling you how much
I loved you.
I regret thinking about you,
everytime you left my sight,
after we'd spend some time together,
sharing moments of laughters.
I regret calling you my blue eyed princess,
because the moment your eyes gazed into mine,
they opened up a part of myself,
I'd never let anyone in except for your heart,
you were the type of person that could read and understand me
inside and out.
I regret touching you,
because every touch that I gave to you still lingers in my mind,
it still triggers a part of me that only you knew so welll.
I regret us making love for the first time,
that experience and many more with you in our special bedroom,
you'd always call our "love nest",
always left me wanting more of you emotionally and physically.
worst of all,
I regret meeting you for the first time and falling inlove with you,
otherwise I wouldnt be standing here crying these endless ocean of tears at your funeral.

Day by day,
Night by night
Kiss by kiss
Touch by touch
Step by step
I fall inlove
A love so incomprehensible
So vivid
So unique
So wild,not even the reign of God can control it.
A passion so deep
A want so strong, the universe would not handle
I love you today
I'll love you tomorrow

I wish you could hold me tightly,
and constantly tell me you love me,
so I don't have to feel this insecure and uneasy,
about deserving you in my life.
you see,
its hard for me to believe in love,
to breath in what I've never ever received in my life before.
you make it harder for me,
when you don't remind me that your still here,
and that we're still okay,
its even harder now that we've become so consumed in our own day to day lifestyle,
that I've lost track of time,
of when last we shared a kiss goodbye,
or made passionate love,
how can I put my heart in a place that lacks the time to pick it up,
and sing to it melodies of love,
to give it the reassurance that everything is gonna be alright,
and by the blink of my eyes,
you won't make a disappearance act before I've said goodbye.

I feel like a rolling stone,
rolling until it reaches the edge of a cliff,
even though I'm so close to falling into the arms of my dreams and opportunities,
gravity always tries to find a way  to stop me.

I remember winter days, the storms roared and the oblivious rain fell away, drifting into nothingness.
My tears still remained on my cheeks as if they were making a place to stay for them. They seemed to drain every part and place which once contained happiness.

How did I come to know a place of emptiness could exist?
That such could take many of a man's breath away, even lead man's life to his death?

And yet you were still there with me,
Your bread of life laid next to my bedside awaiting in excitement for me to hear its call.
The seasons went and wept and so did I.
I was on the verge of giving up, for my heart was at the end of a cliff and all I needed to do was jump and maybe all emptiness would perhaps eradicate or disappear like I was about too then.

You reached out a hand oh Lord,
So gentle yet inseparable and you told me that many season's may change my child, but I am here and

will always be here you said.
You wiped away my never ending tears.
Like a seed you planted yourself into my heart,
The reflection of a smile grew for miles and miles.

Who knew that love like this could exist,
To quench men's thirst to say "through him I shall live"
And through you majesty I did.

She is
Queen of Queens
She is beauty
She is the sun rays raising hair on my skin,
she is honey
sweet,
smooth,
gently melting away wounds from my feet,
to my broken wings
she makes me want to reach for that star.
she represents every womans smile
She is Queen Africa
Whom I'm proud to call my mother!

I want you to look straight into my brown eyes, more like straight into the misteries that lie within the person that I am inside. Guide me in a lot of righteous ways like lover to lover, making me fly as you show me the ways to reach the stars so high as we dance together to rhythmical music of love played out in beautiful harmonies as you show me what it means to be loved, how to love and and what the true meaning of love is.

Silence came creeping into my room without an invitation. She promised to love me without any expectations. I kept her word for it. She made everything seem easier for me. My cuts, the horrible dreams, my tears it was always between her and me. She told that she,d keep me safe from the world. She kept me strong even though I knew it hurt. She became my best friend. In everybodys eyes I would pretend, but in her eyes she knew the real me because she cared. Untill one day she left without leaving a letter or a trace, she never came back. My only friend left, leaving me dead. She was my only best friend

I love starecases
I love the different levels of them,
especially the colours,
black, brown which ever hue,
one likes or chooses.
however,
I hate the ones we have at home,
the ones covered in ****** stains,
I know
I sound insane,
but the ghost still lives and on walks on them,
the ghost of mom,
you remember dad,
you were there when she died,
in my arms,
when you shot her brains out
one,
two,
like a boxing match,
she was knocked out,
why didn't you listen to her?
when she told you to put the gun down?
she now sleeps six feet underground,
so much for the love of staircases.

I wish I was a star,
shining bright on everyone,
just like all other stars shine,
away from the hurt and cruelties of this world.
Its amazing how a little rock that shines on each and everyone of us can mean so much to someone,
give them hope that someday everything will be alright,
the star within them will shine so bright across the world,
that each and everyone bleeding heart,
tears cried,
loneliness,
pain,
fear inflicted in  our hearts and minds will diminish,
and wither away because of one star that made someone out there smile,
laugh,
break into tears of joy,
always sleeping in a happy home,
and all pain replaced with dancing in the rain because that one person is filled with so much happiness that they can't contain but share it with the rain.

I've been going through a long battle with my mind.
You see its so hard to wake up everyday with a visage, when everything seems to be boiling up inside.
I'm filled with so much anger yet I don't know why.
There's so much beauty in life and yet I struggle each day to see  through these clouds weighing down on me.
I feel like I can't breathe yet I'm trying so hard to stop myself from drowning.
These suicidal thoughts have a way of finding its path through these cracked scars in between my soul and heart,
an ongoing battle of self love to self hate.
I have never been this lonely in my life,
yet the very same man whose heart is mine and mine his,
doesn't see beyond this broken being.
I can't do it anymore.

I wish there were no eyes to see
No tongue to taste
No air to breath
No feet to walk
No heart to feel
No mouth to talk
No hands to touch
No mind to think
No thoughts
Nothing
Not a single existence of this view in the mirror  before me.

For I've learnt that at the end of the day no matter how many times you try to be you
No matter how many times you try to be the fixer of all things
Life chews you up and throws you away on the grounds you were born from and your existence eventually means nothing to anyone.

Not a single one
So what's the point?
Why don't I just die
I've planned to commit suicide several times
But the timing doesn't seem right
Will it ever be?
My impregnated thoughts are slowly  killing me as they build up an army inside my mind, injecting their pictures into my blood stream stabbing words straight to my heart.
I want it all to disappear
Not now though
I need it to be the right time
I've still got hope
That maybe its part of life
But each day is killing me
All I want to do is sleep
I crave love yet I can't seem to find it
For wherever I do seems like no one can handle me or give like I give.
Perhaps I should go
I need to be alone
I need to die
I've come to a point that this life has no meaning
I have no meaning
I hate myself for being like this
I hate happy people with happy lives and happy dreams
How could I ever have their thinking
Their believes that there is something worth living for
My life feels poor
I can hear the exit door calling me
I need to stop these tears  from having a galore
I need to go.

I'm sorry if I leave the world broken and bruised as it still is
I'm sorry of I couldn't make a difference
I'm sorry if I hurt those that care about me
I'm sorry if I haven't given my enemies the chance to get back at me
I'm sorry for not following your purpose Lord
I guess you had so much plans for me and I slapped you in the face with death beneath your feet
Forgive me please

Hell is waiting
For the day I leave these grounds
It may be today or any other day
But I'm tired
The verge of giving up has become an understatement
Maybe I'm going crazy
But how can I be when my heart carries on paining  each morning I awake.
It's suffocating me and one day I will make It all disappear I promise you my friend.
No sight of me shall reach your eyes
No taste shall come unto my tongue
No air shall I breath
No feet of mine shhall walk unto your path
No heart shall you hear or feel
Not a single word from my mouth shall you hear
No caring hands shall reach out
No thoughts shall you ever read  from my lips
Nothing
Not a single view from this mirror shall ever ceize to exist.

tell me something dear friend,
awaken me,
my mind with new thinking.
instill within me positive thoughts,
I longed to think about,
but my negative self prevents my mind from being filled with such positiveness.

there's always a battle between ones self and spiritual self.

it's amazing how many human beings,
never take a moment to watch the sun rising,
clouds dispersing,
birds singing sweet melodies,
awakening many other creatures.
we fail to take such moments to thought
or heart,
and to thank our creator for placing it there for our sight,
our wonder.

Look at me,look at me and tell me what you achieved out of hurting me? Did you not stop to think to yourself to think of how I felt? Did your cold heart not bare to listen closely, to show a single care for me? It seems as if you enjoyed inflicting your vain pain on me.its as if your inhumanity is a cover to what ever your hiding under your cracked hands. Why did you do this to me? What did I ever do to gain hate from you? All I ever did was smile at you, try to be your friend ,but you threw it back into my face. You made me feel so small, so belittled as you viciously trampled on me, slowy not realising how much I wanted to hide away from you. You never ever gave me a chance to be your friend, and all I can say now is here you are looking at me, at my grave, your lost for words, speechless. I gave in too quick to your game so there you have it, you win. Dont cry, dont feel bad, I want you to smile at the fact of getting rid of me, smile and move on but know that your the reason im dead. R.i.p amanda todd

my heart,
was a broken glass,
the other half could never be seen,
nor found,
my hands were dry as a desert,
the emptiness in the cracked parts,
could not describe the empty feeling I felt inside,
my mind,
lost in cynical thoughts of suicide,
slicing my skin with an object,
I labelled as my friend,
the blade,
that I thought could end the pain that poisoned my dying soul,
and left a stain of endless,
cries,
fears,
I tried hiding inside,
you opened up a part of me that I thought could never be healed by anyone but you,
sitting here reminiscing to myself how wonderful you are,
the epiphany of needing you in my life,
has never meant this much to me,
you changed me,
and for that I thank you so much ,
for coming into my life,
I love you God.

we see it,
experience it,
in their oblivion,
we feel the pain,
they call a phase.
they don't want to listen,
we are just children.
someday the rain will make a way,
for the sun to come out.
all the fear will disappear,
all the cracks in our broken hearts,
will be feared with a tender touch of love,
from someone to call a mom or dad.