your words are swords,
stabbing in the same place,
repeating every stab the same way,
stabbing,
deeper,
deeper,
and deeper into my heart,
my mind,
my soul.
I'm wounded,
you feel like a soldier,
you smile in victory of winning,
its always my word against yours,
I'm seeping into dirt,
soil,
a quicksand of more hurt,
in your words.

you drive me to hurting myself,
I become insane when your no longer there.
The insanity, creeps up on the walls of my house,
bedroom,
like a nightmare it fills up my bed,
foils itself around me,
mind,
filled with thoughts that you might be with someone else.

I can hear her singing in the bathroom through our the echoing walls,
the sound of her voice invites me to listen closely to her call,
its melody sung bursts through her vocals chords,
but in a sweet kinda way,
like honey slowly dripping from honey combs,
as a swarm of honey bees swarm around it like a God,
they worship this beautiful simplicity,
like I am doing.

like a child I am mystified by her sounds,
so many different chords sung in such little space,
little time,
they take over me,
fill a void within me,
who knew that such a beauty without knowing could arouse someone else on the other side of the room.

she compels me not only by her beautiful curves,
nor that smile that always wipes away the grey clouds, raindrops that fill my impregnated mind,
but by the compelling sound of her voice,
which the secret I keep to myself alone,
for now like a child I shall remain innocently mystified   by this beautiful damsel that resides within my heart.

I remember taking a shower in front of him, the water drizzling down my body all the way to my ******, while he stared at me.
He liked what he saw, because maybe he didn't expect me to get undress in front of him, to be so completely comfortable in front of a stranger I knew nothing of.
I was in my own world, where I owned this hurt, of fights of  dying loving and passion for a lover I'd left back home.
He would call me and hear the anger steaming from my voice, yet not once did he bother to question it, out of fear of the unknown, out of fear that maybe I'd decided I was fed up and wanted to leave him and quit what we both called love.

So here I was in front of a man, who was clothed yet I naked.
After my long shower, I led him to a room which I took power of, and gently kissed him on the lips, without thinking about anything, even though all I could think of was, "What are you doing?"

People always think that cheating is wrong, that its not worth it, and that you'll never meet Mr/Mrs right if you leave your legs loosely open for men or women to feast at.
But they never tell you of what you go through to get to that point in your life,
Its where the cheating stems from, its where the hurt grows, its the root of all pain and suffering knowing that you have to live with this lie when you go back home to him, to a man you once'd urged to be with, craved every undying moment with him...Now you hate yourself so much, and you hate him too for not trying to put up a fight for you two. So I'm sorry my love. I'm sorry I lied to you.

she is infinity beyond what nature can compare. In awe she is looked upon on. Her walks, flaws so untangibly bare. Jealousy surrounds her like a thousand swarming beez. They seem not to notice that she doesnt care but humbly flaunts her beauty requiting their envy with her stares. Her heart so strong her love deeper than the ocean can reach is a hope for others. She is beauty and beauty is her.

I see you,
yet
I dont really see you,
I dont see the person that loved my company,
I no longer see the smile,
that made sure everything was at ease
between us,
I keep on contemplating of playing the same game,
that your playing...
you know,
the one called hide and seek,
except with a twist,
you hide and I keep on seeking,
I'm tired of it,
I want to find you,
I need to find us,
I need to find what caused this growing distance.

No one heard my silwnt cries
Today
Tomorrow
Till my life does its part
AND I DIE

Cry with hate and sorrow
And love devine
Its my time
My time to shine

There were four bodies, walking in one line towards me.
It was a bridge, a dark bridge inviting fear to overtake me.
I was on my phone...What was I thinking being on the phone
whilst walking alone?

They first walked towards me with innocence and poverty written in their eyes,
there were lies waiting, perhaps hoping I could give them what they wanted.
Like the idiot I was I allowed them to corner me,
they cornered me like shadows leaving no space for light.

I held on tightly of the strength and bravery left in me,
my phone being ripped out of my hands,
my bag,
my neck being choked,
being held down by the weight of four men,
who simply wanted help yet turned their rejection to hate, hurt, inflictors of fear,
They gripped my hair,
There was no air left in me to breath,
My precious body ****** in shock,
I felt lost,
I felt blocked,
I lost my confidence,
then fought back with each and every vocal in me, I screamed and screamed and screamed even if it killed me, even if they killed me, at least I would have died with my bravery intact in me.

Look at me. In these eyes innocence has been replaced with a beautiful black woman, with fully grown african curves, mother natures recipe. In her eyes reflects a mature mind whose childish thoughts have been eradicated and replaced with with adult thinking and each and everyday as she grows she ages less in her looks yet her mind gains more wisdom about the life around her and herself and others too.

I could cut down a whole tree,
to write on paper of how much you mean you to me,
but either way you will never get the chance to see
the thousand words written for you from me.

its been 3 months of silence between us.
anything can happen in those inevitable months.
3 months to doubt,
3 months to forget if this was ever about love,
3 months for another,
to fill the missing pieces of our hearts,
3 months of silence?
the epiphany of those 3 months scare the hell out of me,
because everything feels like it has changed.
what happened the endless calls?
the constant texting?
the need for each other?
the fire between us is slowly turning into a dispersal of smoke into air.
it hurts to know that we both don't know how things became this way,
3 months,
tell  me love,
are we still okay?

I'm living in a cocoon of pain,
I have been engulfed by so much hurt that there is no space in my heart,
for love, joy, and happiness to reign.
I'm scared you see,
but I've chosen to live this way,
to accept the fact that somethings in life can never be changed.
So this is how I face each day,
breathing more air of pain,
allowing oblivious tears to flow freely,
in hopes that someday all will disintegrate away.

I love you
I have always loved you for the ways in which you are stubborn, yet free
the way how your face lights up and eyes squint when no one is watching except me, myself and I,
YES!
you are admirable,
difficult at times,
but beautiful
in the way you love me for me,
I never thought anyone could tolerate me like the way you do,
my terrible need to provoke people,
to see if their love for me was as real as their spoken ''truths''.
but you,
my friend,
my sister from another  mother, you have tolerated me thus far,
tried to guide me into giving up this hard shell I keep between yours and my heart,
but I've failed you now,
gone beyond breaking you at times,
I've become way too blind to notice these actions of mine towards you,
all because the mind took over the heart,
the heart became silent,
perhaps too stagnant to speak its own mind.
or maybe this is what I'll away be to you,
another last page in your book,
a book you tried turning the pages over and over again,
in hopes the story would move from situations to bright places,
but have come to conclusions that it'll never happen,
the inevitable does however remain
but no matter what happened between me and you,
I will always love you,
and wait.

it's amazing how many human beings,
never take a moment to watch the sun rising,
clouds dispersing,
birds singing sweet melodies,
awakening many other creatures.
we fail to take such moments to thought
or heart,
and to thank our creator for placing it there for our sight,
our wonder.

this morning,
I hurt myself,
not by mistake but on purpose,
I wanted to feel how it felt to live again,
to breath,
to escape the pain,
that was building up inside of me..
it scares me,
to hurt mysef,
it makes me reminisce on the varies times and occasions,
I wanted to commit suicide,
end my,
God given life,
back then I wanted to give up,
to hurt myself again today,
took a lot of courage,
I was scared,
even though I've experienced the pain before,
it showed me that I've grown up,
I've become a stronger person,
within in myself.
I threw away the blade,
and smiled,
telling myself,
I'm beautiful and brave,
and life has a purpose for me.
and that giving up is the last thing on mind,
when I have so many things to achieve in life.

How can you say we are soulmates,
yet the pain inside my heart is hard for you to comprehend.

my heart,
was a broken glass,
the other half could never be seen,
nor found,
my hands were dry as a desert,
the emptiness in the cracked parts,
could not describe the empty feeling I felt inside,
my mind,
lost in cynical thoughts of suicide,
slicing my skin with an object,
I labelled as my friend,
the blade,
that I thought could end the pain that poisoned my dying soul,
and left a stain of endless,
cries,
fears,
I tried hiding inside,
you opened up a part of me that I thought could never be healed by anyone but you,
sitting here reminiscing to myself how wonderful you are,
the epiphany of needing you in my life,
has never meant this much to me,
you changed me,
and for that I thank you so much ,
for coming into my life,
I love you God.

I like my my french lover and his french like ways,
the way he sings in foreign accent,
the way makes me feel gay:)

we met 5 years ago,
in a town close to home.
we got along so well,
like mirrors,
we reflected each other ,
call it the perks of being two lovers,
who knew each other well and better.
we really had it going for us,
the love shared between us was a beautiful painting of art,
and we the artists of our hearts,
painting beautiful memories that will always be on replay at the back of my mind, where my pillows keeps the secrets of the dreams that mean the most to me,
the meaningful dreams of I and him.

Was there ever such a word so beautiful yet cruel called love?
one wonders who came up with this hurtful word?

I'm left to pick up the pieces of my broken heart,
one by one,
to start again,
is the hardest thing to ever do,
to know that someone else lips you kiss are no longer his,
the bed you shared with him,
has someone else lying on it,
and you have to force yourself,
to repeat the words you don't mean to someone else,
when deep down you wish it was him you were repeating those words too.

Look at me,look at me and tell me what you achieved out of hurting me? Did you not stop to think to yourself to think of how I felt? Did your cold heart not bare to listen closely, to show a single care for me? It seems as if you enjoyed inflicting your vain pain on me.its as if your inhumanity is a cover to what ever your hiding under your cracked hands. Why did you do this to me? What did I ever do to gain hate from you? All I ever did was smile at you, try to be your friend ,but you threw it back into my face. You made me feel so small, so belittled as you viciously trampled on me, slowy not realising how much I wanted to hide away from you. You never ever gave me a chance to be your friend, and all I can say now is here you are looking at me, at my grave, your lost for words, speechless. I gave in too quick to your game so there you have it, you win. Dont cry, dont feel bad, I want you to smile at the fact of getting rid of me, smile and move on but know that your the reason im dead. R.i.p amanda todd

I remember that night,
when you stutted whilst tryna introduce me as your girlfriend to your parents,
I guess you were nervous more than I was,
nervous that I'd be upset by you finally giving a label to what was happening between the two of us,
but,
I smiled to myself,
trying to hide the pleasant feeling I was feeling inside.

The best part of that night,
was when we shared our first deep kiss,
perhaps I wanted us to do more than just kiss,
perhaps I wanted to unveil our ****** feelings for each other,
I wanted to touch you so badly,
my groins ached for you to caress my body at that moment,

I regret holding you,
when you cried in my arms.
I regret kissing you,
and telling you how much
I loved you.
I regret thinking about you,
everytime you left my sight,
after we'd spend some time together,
sharing moments of laughters.
I regret calling you my blue eyed princess,
because the moment your eyes gazed into mine,
they opened up a part of myself,
I'd never let anyone in except for your heart,
you were the type of person that could read and understand me
inside and out.
I regret touching you,
because every touch that I gave to you still lingers in my mind,
it still triggers a part of me that only you knew so welll.
I regret us making love for the first time,
that experience and many more with you in our special bedroom,
you'd always call our "love nest",
always left me wanting more of you emotionally and physically.
worst of all,
I regret meeting you for the first time and falling inlove with you,
otherwise I wouldnt be standing here crying these endless ocean of tears at your funeral.

Is it wrong to miss you this much?

Your eyes sinking deep into mine as hands touched bodies you straddled my mind with your illuminating being
By breathing life to a heart that once lacked oxygen,
Yes you filled me up so much yet left me not half full but empty inside.
I hanged onto my life support whom I called God even though my asthmatic attacks were catching up with me as I slept I tried losing myself in dreams,
I started wheezing inside out and the tears fell down like a waterfalls down oblivious cheeks which once glowed with the kiss of your lips because by then you meant something to me and I was falling in love too quickly to see what I was going to end up losing...which was you.

So is it wrong to miss you my love?
For love was there from the beginning via the inner parts of our hearts,
Beneath blankets that laid two naked lovers with hope residing within body soul and mind to be or perhaps grow together and be one I thought to myself.

But look at you now
Look at me now
I'm slowly caving into my four bedroom walls that once again laugh and mock at my chances of finding love.

Where are you ?
Are you hiding yourself in dark corners to punish my mind as to why you requited the favour of love by stabing my heart.
So

Is it wrong to miss u now?
To want you to wrap your arms around my cold waist for you to warm it up?
To pleasure my desires of hearing your irresistible voice as you speak about your ambitions in life and how a part of you sees me in it too?

To kiss you and do it again freely freeing myself into our world that once existed?

To perhaps have a moment whereby I chose you only and not God just so I can worship you and Praise you like a king and love you with all of my being.
Just to have you once again in my arms or lay on your chest to hear your heart beating away and smiling to myself that out of Anyone you chose me and I chose the best.

from the time,
that i was born,
i was a walking doll,
the younger version of barbie ofcourse,
thats what mama thought.
she would dress me up,
with her best pearl collection,
and silky dresses she had bought for me,
at expensive clothing stores,
she wanted me to be the most perfect of them all.
to make sure in the eyes of many,
i was adored...
i look at my daughter,
whose four years old,
now,
she lives in her own world,
shes her own being,
my bundle of joy,
i love the fact that she is so free in around her surroundings,
my hope for me as her mother,
is to never,
make my daughter
feel that she has to live up to the expectations
of being perfect,
or better,
than anyone,
in order to be loved,
and not to make the mistake mama made,
when she wanted me to be the most perfect girl,
in her world.

I am like smoke and ashes that disperse and wither away,
slowly disintegrating into non existence,
talk about extinction,
that's whats my body is slowly turning into,
the shape of my internal bones have started protruding to the surface that I'm scared I might eventually turn into a scarecrow.

I actually enjoy starving my body,
talk about being selfish,
the sound of my stomach grumbling has simply become silence to my ears,
not the way it used to irritate me,
begging, begging and begging to be fed.

They never knew what happened to me when I was a child. They never bothered to check or even ask why I kept so quiet all the time. They never knew what he used to do to me when they weren't around. My precious tiny body, my innocence stripped away by own cousin, who always made the world his play ground. A devil, my nightmare in disguise whose favourite times with me were always at night where everyone had gone to bed and he would sneak up to my bed and do as he pleased with me as he kept telling me that everything would be alright and that this was his way of showing how much he loved me. How could I have listened to him? Believed all his lies as he told me that "this is to be kept a secret between the two of us". What did I know? For I was a little child whose world was filled with childish thoughts and silly fairy tale dreams that meant nothing. How did those dreams become my fear so quick? How can one forceful kiss or painful touch give me endless nightmares? Look at me today, look at this young woman that I have become today, still living in that fear because of my childhood. I've become such an insecure being, still questioning and trying to understand why my cousin did what he did to me. Worst of all how could they not see it? See what was happening in front of their eyes. Did they not love me enough? Did they? Even after attending so many counselling sessions why do I still feel out of place? I feel like I'm lacking something that could have made me proud to call myself beautiful or special. Almighty father forgive me for taking so long to forgive him, forgive everything his done to me, forgive him for not asking me for my apology, forgive me for finding it hard to forgive.

Sadness lies in the sight of their morose faces,
by the wrinkles around their eyes.
The frowns on their foreheads tell a story of a broken heart.
The emphasis is placed on their upside down wrinkly lines,
they carry with them around their mouths.
They've lacked the energy to smile,
for a very long time.
These are weeping men,
who are young,
yet,
their escalating pain has aged them in time.
It's as if they await for death to arrive any day,
the way they stare at the sky,
and wait,
and wait,
and wait for death to come.
They've lost the will to dream,
for all their dreams have ceased.
They've tried so many times to adopt another mans life,
put on a visage in hope to find happiness and true love,
and in their failure to accomplish their goals of finding love,
you can tell
they've given up ,
by the way they carry themselves,
with their unused smiles and broken hearts,
The weeping men cry
and cry,
and cry,
till death do them part.

I love it when you love me.
not just through word of mouth, telephoning,
writing, emailing,
I love it when you love me,
with your presence.

your proximity,
compels me to you,
its as if once near to you,
I'm possessed,
lost in a world,
I never knew could exist.

How my body aches,
for your warm loving touch,
you take me higher,
like a machine being driven to places,
you take me to places.

I'm so deeply lost in you,
for you have ways of making me feel needed,
I can't explain it,
but you amaze me..
your love for me makes me happy.

Take away all those things related to love, blindon me from love at first sight so I may not fall into an early death of a broken heart all over again. Erase the moments that ever made me feel good inside because of him, those short significant hours, minutes and seconds we'd be mesmorised by each others presence because I want to forget it, I want to forget everything to prevent myself from useless tears that obliviously fall down my empty soft hands. If God is all I have, I have everything I need.

I wish there were no eyes to see
No tongue to taste
No air to breath
No feet to walk
No heart to feel
No mouth to talk
No hands to touch
No mind to think
No thoughts
Nothing
Not a single existence of this view in the mirror  before me.

For I've learnt that at the end of the day no matter how many times you try to be you
No matter how many times you try to be the fixer of all things
Life chews you up and throws you away on the grounds you were born from and your existence eventually means nothing to anyone.

Not a single one
So what's the point?
Why don't I just die
I've planned to commit suicide several times
But the timing doesn't seem right
Will it ever be?
My impregnated thoughts are slowly  killing me as they build up an army inside my mind, injecting their pictures into my blood stream stabbing words straight to my heart.
I want it all to disappear
Not now though
I need it to be the right time
I've still got hope
That maybe its part of life
But each day is killing me
All I want to do is sleep
I crave love yet I can't seem to find it
For wherever I do seems like no one can handle me or give like I give.
Perhaps I should go
I need to be alone
I need to die
I've come to a point that this life has no meaning
I have no meaning
I hate myself for being like this
I hate happy people with happy lives and happy dreams
How could I ever have their thinking
Their believes that there is something worth living for
My life feels poor
I can hear the exit door calling me
I need to stop these tears  from having a galore
I need to go.

I'm sorry if I leave the world broken and bruised as it still is
I'm sorry of I couldn't make a difference
I'm sorry if I hurt those that care about me
I'm sorry if I haven't given my enemies the chance to get back at me
I'm sorry for not following your purpose Lord
I guess you had so much plans for me and I slapped you in the face with death beneath your feet
Forgive me please

Hell is waiting
For the day I leave these grounds
It may be today or any other day
But I'm tired
The verge of giving up has become an understatement
Maybe I'm going crazy
But how can I be when my heart carries on paining  each morning I awake.
It's suffocating me and one day I will make It all disappear I promise you my friend.
No sight of me shall reach your eyes
No taste shall come unto my tongue
No air shall I breath
No feet of mine shhall walk unto your path
No heart shall you hear or feel
Not a single word from my mouth shall you hear
No caring hands shall reach out
No thoughts shall you ever read  from my lips
Nothing
Not a single view from this mirror shall ever ceize to exist.

I wish there were no eyes to see
No tongue to taste
No air to breath
No feet to walk
No heart to feel
No mouth to talk
No hands to touch
No mind to think
No thoughts
Nothing
Not a single existence of this view in the mirror  before me.

For I've learnt that at the end of the day no matter how many times you try to be you
No matter how many times you try to be the fixer of all things
Life chews you up and throws you away on the grounds you were born from and your existence eventually means nothing to anyone.

Not a single one
So what's the point?
Why don't I just die
I've planned to commit suicide several times
But the timing doesn't seem right
Will it ever be?
My impregnated thoughts are slowly  killing me as they build up an army inside my mind, injecting their pictures into my blood stream stabbing words straight to my heart.
I want it all to disappear
Not now though
I need it to be the right time
I've still got hope
That maybe its part of life
But each day is killing me
All I want to do is sleep
I crave love yet I can't seem to find it
For wherever I do seems like no one can handle me or give like I give.
Perhaps I should go
I need to be alone
I need to die
I've come to a point that this life has no meaning
I have no meaning
I hate myself for being like this
I hate happy people with happy lives and happy dreams
How could I ever have their thinking
Their believes that there is something worth living for
My life feels poor
I can hear the exit door calling me
I need to stop these tears  from having a galore
I need to go.

I'm sorry if I leave the world broken and bruised as it still is
I'm sorry of I couldn't make a difference
I'm sorry if I hurt those that care about me
I'm sorry if I haven't given my enemies the chance to get back at me
I'm sorry for not following your purpose Lord
I guess you had so much plans for me and I slapped you in the face with death beneath your feet
Forgive me please

Hell is waiting
For the day I leave these grounds
It may be today or any other day
But I'm tired
The verge of giving up has become an understatement
Maybe I'm going crazy
But how can I not be when my heart carries on paining  each morning I awake.
It's suffocating me and one day I will make It all disappear I promise you my friend.
No sight of me shall reach your eyes
No taste shall come unto my tongue
No air shall I breath
No feet of mine shall walk unto your path
No heart shall you feel
Not a single word from my mouth shall you hear
No caring hands shall reach out to touch yours
No thoughts shall you ever read  from my lips
Nothing
Not a single view from this mirror shall ever ceize to exist.

your words have become like oil stains,
staining my soul,
like blades, stabbing inflicting pain,
these lines on my forehead,
have left me growing cold,
old.

I wish you could hold me tightly,
and constantly tell me you love me,
so I don't have to feel this insecure and uneasy,
about deserving you in my life.
you see,
its hard for me to believe in love,
to breath in what I've never ever received in my life before.
you make it harder for me,
when you don't remind me that your still here,
and that we're still okay,
its even harder now that we've become so consumed in our own day to day lifestyle,
that I've lost track of time,
of when last we shared a kiss goodbye,
or made passionate love,
how can I put my heart in a place that lacks the time to pick it up,
and sing to it melodies of love,
to give it the reassurance that everything is gonna be alright,
and by the blink of my eyes,
you won't make a disappearance act before I've said goodbye.

I feel like a rolling stone,
rolling until it reaches the edge of a cliff,
even though I'm so close to falling into the arms of my dreams and opportunities,
gravity always tries to find a way  to stop me.

I love to keep you hidden away from the world,
all to myself where no one
else can steal you away from me.
call me MISS dominating,  bossy, controlling,
but I can't help feeling the way I feel,
when your no longer in my sight.
my mind goes crazy,
can you blame me for being in love?
with a man whose heart I've placed in my trust?
as simple as these words are "I love you" to you,
they truly mean a lot to me,
that's why I could never leave you,
nor leave your side.

I cheated on you today,
with an old friend of mine,
I guess you could blame it on the alchohol,
or the fact that I was lacking the need of love,
physical touch,
you once filled in and out of me.
I enjoyed it you see,
it filled me with so much hate and jealousy,
that my own friend could please me,
in a way you never could do,
I hated you then,
at that moment when he kissed me,
our kiss reminded me of our first kiss,
the one at the rugby field,
you've probably forgotten that day,
but it really meant something to me,
it gave me hope that we would never end up like this,
you ignoring me,
refusing to look at me when we were in deep intimacy with each other,
love making,
so thats why I guess I cheated love,
my vindictive way of showing you,
that your not the only **** around,
nor the only man who longs to be with a woman like myself.

A lone tear travels slowly down her cheek.
Her eyes glisten with sadness.
An aching heart beats slowly within her.
Behind that smile, there lies a solemn gaze.
Behind those bright eyes,
there lies unspeakable memories.
Behind that gentle heart,
there lies a world of experiences that most will never understand.
We all wish to see the lovely things,
we all want to see the miracles,
we all look to see the beauty… But behind those lovely things there were once awkward and ungainly roots and stalks,
Behind those miracles there were once broken pieces of lives,
tainted minds,
shattered crystal,
Behind the beauty there was once an ugliness that was not to be acknowledged.
Questions arise within minds,
but fall silent upon lips. For if we do not ask,
we will not know, and if we do not know,
we will not be held responsible.
She lives on.
The painful art of healing moves within her.
A smile plays on her lips,
there is a glance of a twinkle within her eyes,
And that gentle heart… That gentle heart waits.

I was only a small child. He pulled me by my hair and threw me on his bed. He climbed on top of me and whispered into my ears that I was the best gift that god had ever given to him for his own use. He looked at me with so much anger, hunger, desired intensity, I could see the fire in his eyes as they began to dilate. He slapped me on my face thrice and shouted at me to stop crying and that my tears were not gonna save me now. He could see the fear in my eyes, but his cold heart so selfish of this child in front of this monster turned its back on me, the child that used to be loved, cared, and well looked after. He began tying my arms to the bed and my legs too. His proximity was too much for me because I could smell the alcohol, the heaviness of this man against my skin. He began touching me, trying to make me believe that everything was going to be okay and soon it would all go away . What could I have said? For I was only a small child back then. All I could recall was the flash of a girls innocence stripped away by her own flesh and blood, her father the man that help his wife give birth to his only child, the man whose now become her biggest nightmare. If I had to say something to him right now, questions of why he had done what he did to me would come about. Why dad? Why did you do it? Why did you **** and abuse me? I thought fathers are suppose to love and protect their daughters? Why did you make me hate you so? You have left me scarred. All I see in the mirror is an ugly, used, girl with a lot of blood on her hands. I feel so *****, you made me *****. I cant stare at any guy without seeing your face and that evil smile, that smile my worst nightmare because I always knew what it meant. I hate you, you ruined my life and now, now I cant even begin to describe how much I wanted or have tried to **** ,myself because of you. I hope your happy, proud of yourself, do feel you have achieved what you wanted? Did you honestly love me? Why why did it have to be me? I guess only God knows, after all I was the best gift that God had given to my father.

I can see the blank wall between our hearts,
the wall that was once filled with writings of our love,
reflections of our hearts,
the stories that made us reminisce and laugh about,
the memories,
hours spent,
the love,
the intense ***,
all of these have become a blank wall,
living our lives in separate worlds,
the world that we once fought together on our own,
has simply become a blank wall.
to afraid to face the truth of our dispersing hearts,
we continue to walk,
our own paths,
the blank wall between our hearts still continues to grow
an indication,
of our discontinuation,
to face the blank wall.

I love how we whisper at night when we're drunk,
it makes us confident to say how we feel inside.

I remember winter days, the storms roared and the oblivious rain fell away, drifting into nothingness.
My tears still remained on my cheeks as if they were making a place to stay for them. They seemed to drain every part and place which once contained happiness.

How did I come to know a place of emptiness could exist?
That such could take many of a man's breath away, even lead man's life to his death?

And yet you were still there with me,
Your bread of life laid next to my bedside awaiting in excitement for me to hear its call.
The seasons went and wept and so did I.
I was on the verge of giving up, for my heart was at the end of a cliff and all I needed to do was jump and maybe all emptiness would perhaps eradicate or disappear like I was about too then.

You reached out a hand oh Lord,
So gentle yet inseparable and you told me that many season's may change my child, but I am here and

will always be here you said.
You wiped away my never ending tears.
Like a seed you planted yourself into my heart,
The reflection of a smile grew for miles and miles.

Who knew that love like this could exist,
To quench men's thirst to say "through him I shall live"
And through you majesty I did.

I wish I was a star,
shining bright on everyone,
just like all other stars shine,
away from the hurt and cruelties of this world.
Its amazing how a little rock that shines on each and everyone of us can mean so much to someone,
give them hope that someday everything will be alright,
the star within them will shine so bright across the world,
that each and everyone bleeding heart,
tears cried,
loneliness,
pain,
fear inflicted in  our hearts and minds will diminish,
and wither away because of one star that made someone out there smile,
laugh,
break into tears of joy,
always sleeping in a happy home,
and all pain replaced with dancing in the rain because that one person is filled with so much happiness that they can't contain but share it with the rain.

I want you to look straight into my brown eyes, more like straight into the misteries that lie within the person that I am inside. Guide me in a lot of righteous ways like lover to lover, making me fly as you show me the ways to reach the stars so high as we dance together to rhythmical music of love played out in beautiful harmonies as you show me what it means to be loved, how to love and and what the true meaning of love is.

I remember,
water dripping,
slowly,
trickling,
down two lovers hair,
face,
eyes,
lips entwined,
hands grabbing,
in desire for what they so desirably longed for the whole day,
yet had to suppress their need,
they had to hide it quietly inside their explosive beating hearts for each other.
I remember it all,
it was once a memory that always made me feel nervous inside,
creating butterflies in my tum,
tubes tied,
and now I'd like to think it has become a,
meaningless,
emotionless feeling inside...
why am I lying to myself,
that memory still compels me to watch it in my mind,
replay a time where I onced felt how it felt to be loved,
cry,
and cry,
and cry,
because of the broken glass thats left a crack in  my heart,
a crack that can never be healed by anyone else,
all thats left is that one memory of the shower before he quickly,
vainly,
disappeared from his lover.

blue skies,
smiling sun shining on two lovers,
as they kissed in delight,
and sight of each other,
he was hers and she his,
no one was going to take him away from  her,
and her from him.
she loved to stare at her diamond ring,
so small yet perfect,
imperfect like him she thought.
she loved him,
she really did
and thanked cupid for the lover he had sent,
to her.
how did such a reality become a dream?
although it felt like a dream,
the fact that the pain cut deep into a place,
she'd thought would never face,
was the reality she was facing.
Love is two faced,
one minute its there in your face,
loving you with both hands,
treating you like you the most important person in the world,
next minute it back stabs you,
you never thought it could hurt,
so much.

She is
Queen of Queens
She is beauty
She is the sun rays raising hair on my skin,
she is honey
sweet,
smooth,
gently melting away wounds from my feet,
to my broken wings
she makes me want to reach for that star.
she represents every womans smile
She is Queen Africa
Whom I'm proud to call my mother!

fear came like an eagle,
swarming around me like honey bees.
I was sinking in,
drowning,
heart pounding,
I could feel myself dying,
the deeper I seeped in fear,
the more I lost my voice,
for a day didn't go by where I broke into tears.
until one day I heard a calling so near,
drawing my ears so near,
the closer I got to it,
the more the feeling of fear begin to disappear inside of me,
it was such a beautiful voice,
like sweet honey,
its melodies captured me,
my heart,
soul and mind,
once I heard it loud and clear,
I no longer needed to fear,
he was always right here,
so near,
awaiting for me to hear him,
to allowing myself to be surrounded by his love for me,
I did,
I finally took the step,
to allow him into my life,
here I am living a life with him in my life,
thank you God,
majesty,
creator of all living things,
you love is beyond words can compare,
thank you for always being here.

Dear Friend,
Dear brother,
Dear sister,
Dear Mother
Dear Father
Dear son
Dear Daughter
Dear Grandmother
Dear Grandfather
Dear you whose compass has lead to this note,
This is no ordinary letter,
Its a word or two to encourage you.
I may have never danced in your world,
or laid beside you to capture the dreams that are good,
or simply those that brought you hurt.

I may have never gotten the chance to take a glance at this beauty in front of me,
nor crossed paths with your eyes,
which personally I adore the most, how they say so much yet the world knows little of what comes from that beautiful mind of yours.

You see I write this to you because, I love you
and to know that someone you do not know of loves you the way I do, is the best feeling ever, because no one else in the world deserves LOVE more than you do, never ever forget that.

I hope that your hand, your eyes, the words that creep out of your mouth and spreads its wings like butterflies may meet with this simple  poem of mine,
and hopefully you and I can help spread the word of love to someone else as amazing as you are to me,
To inspire and heal a broken heart,
To bring about a sense of warmth within the hearts
because nothing matters to me than seeing you simply happy,
so smile, take joy in life,
there's nothing more profound than the breath of a new morning. Its a way of telling you that you deserve to be alive, that there is purpose in your life.