I gathered these tears within my weathered hands,
striding ahead and above in such a sad state of bitterness,
blood in my shoes and your breath within my lungs,
committing atrocities upon your memory during days full of fire,
while your children hide in my breast with the memory I've buried alive.
You shadow me in the day and cry for me by night,
covering my body with paints and charcoal,
and the skins of monsters slain out of your love;
and every wound I suffer by my own hands
sewn together with your hair.
Last night I went forth to do violence again in your name,
armed with useless weapons and armour made from sand;
In passing I met you in a bunker, my fortress full of relics
and people asked if I found you beautiful....I laughed;
You are my ideal of beauty.
To turn, to change, that's what you want of me,
to turn from my path and face you fully,
leave my sideways glancing behind and accept that we deserve eachother;
but I can't, and that's why you will not suffer me to live in my silence.
I passed you, you spoke softly, commanded me to wait,
and, seeing my sadness, my folly
you tore your shirt, eyes flashing fire and hymns;
You screamed at me:
"I TOO HAVE A HEART"
That stopped me, I turned and strode up to you,
and you were afraid but stood your ground, faced me as I finally faced you.
I put my hand between your ******* and felt your heartbeat through my broken hands,
like the Gold from Telperion your love burned away my shell, my husk
and I was a man again.
Out of the dark a voice laughed, derisive monster I was given,
"Don't enjoy those too much, this isn't a *****".
I left you, in tears, empty, horrified, ashamed, helpless, I left you;
And went again to the work of violence against foes with no faces.
I know this is absolutely no form whatsoever, and isn't anything close to my usual carefully crafted style. basically though, I'm attempting to put into words a recurring dream I've been having, hopefully to get some feedback or at least catharsis.