I want to insert you in my veins, sniff you into my thoughts, drink you into my soul, overdose in your presence. Plagued in disasters, I need redemption. Free my bastered soul, it’s mischievous and deluded intents. Let me be your fear, set you still lay you down, sink my teeth into your throat and take whats pure. Your legs on my shoulders, let me drown in you. The way you live needs love, the way I love needs alterations. Submerging ourselves in broken dreams and empty vows. Lets **** until our heart drops, gasp until our heart stops. Choke on our words, praise fake lords, pursue diseased ******. Let’s create for havocs sake.

I know that I'm not all there
scattered pieces everywhere
I had to let parts of me die
just so others could survive
joy, pain, angst and rage
are just shards of the puzzle
I have to learn to turn the page
to break free from those struggles

doing so time after time
has taught me not to try
investing  in attempts to find
whats not worth sacrifice.

Used To Be

I used to be a man with no goal,
that was how I used to roll.
I used to be a man with no ambition,
time to break that tradition.
I used to be a man who didn't care,
now you all better beware.
I used to be a man always ******,
all my dreams were once postponed.
I used to be a man with no guts,
now I am just flat out nuts.
Never used to know right from wrong,
now I say, can't we all just get along.
Never knew the difference between left and right,
used to only see things in black and white.
I used to be a man with no morals,
no compromise only quarrels.
I used to be a man you couldn't trust,
my brain was layered in thick pie crust.
Now that the crust has melted away,
I now have something to say.
My goal is to live happily after ever,
even geniuses call me clever.
My ambition is to have it all,
I'm gonna run far with the ball.
Caring is now all I ever do,
a new me has made its debut.
Being ****** is in the past,
not sure how long that will last.
Now I have the guts to try anything,
any challenge, I dare you to bring.
Being wrong is no longer allowed,
you all better get off of my cloud.
I now know my left, right, up and down,
it feels good to be treated like a proper noun.
Morals, I have plenty of,
now that I have found love.
Now you can trust me as far as you can throw,
life is nothing more than one big drama show.

Never Ending

Here's a story without an ending,
contradicting, complex, complicated and condescending.
Born into a world of hate,
everyone's shoulder has so much weight.
Don't know whether to live or die,
can't decide rather to laugh or cry.
Do your best to support the family,
trying with all your might to keep the sanity.
Go to school and maybe college,
on the streets you learn most your knowledge.
Get a job and save some money,
then you end up filing for bankruptcy.
Running around in a constant circle,
always jumping over some kind of hurdle.
Life and death is just a cycle,
like a novel with no title.
You retire at a certain age,
after a life of minimum wage.
Some drink, smoke or eat to much,
it's hard to find that magical touch.
We take pills for pain and depression,
not all answers require a question.
Maybe all we need is to be loved,
tired of getting pushed and shoved.
No one really knows how we got here,
like the dinosaurs, we someday might disappear.
Not sure about you, but I like living,
or maybe we're all dead and just dreaming.
National disasters are so unpredictable,
mother nature can be so unforgivable.
This is the story in a nut shell,
sometimes living is pure hell.
It's up to us to make it better,
life is a riddle wrapped in an adventure.

I close my eyes and your right here
It feels bitter sweet to have you near
It was a love that happened so fast
The kind of love that was made to last
Over night all I could see was you
It felt so right a love so true
You as my lover and my best friend
It seems to me you were a God send
We made it round after round
Through all the ups and downs
I open my eyes and see
It was only that way for me
There's a loneliness deep inside
It feels as if part of me has died
Never for a second, thought it would end this way
I search my memories trying to find the exact day
The day that your love was lost
I would pay anything to change it no matter the cost
When I close my eyes you feel the same as I do
Cause your still in love with me too

The crushing weight inside of my chest
Makes thoughts of you harder to digest
Burning tears fill fill my eyes and steals my breath
Filling me with a pain 10 fold worse than death
The tears that fill my eyes refuse to fall
Denying me the releasing relief that comes only after a waterfall
Trapped in a lake of unreleased tears and untold pain
The screaming in my head, my own voice as if I've gone insane
I fear that in this lake of tears I may drown
And that the last sounds I'll ever hear is the deafening silence of nobody else around
Oxygen free to all others to me is refused
Fighting for every breath leaves my soul feeling bruised and abused
Treading water ever rising inside my own personal hell
Silence so loud it echoes with the pain that it has come to foretell
And only you hold the key to my release
"I forgive you" is all I need to achieve a little inner peace

Drowning in my pillow,
waking up
realizing that this
isn't me.
I am watching life
flash.
Days from sunrise to set
people,
places,
ideas...
Thinking of what should
have happened
but
what really occurred.
I keep re-reading this chapter,
like some emotional teenager.
The next chapter is
being drafted,
everyone has their pen.
They're scribbling.
What are they doing?
Should this be different?
Is it this hard to move on?
I am becoming restless,
tossing and turning.
Sun bursts through the curtains.
Slowly moving my eyes
to the music of
Mozart,
refocusing on the bottle of air-freshener.
Oh,
what another day.

The devil is whispering
through white plaster,
pock-marked walls.
The window's eyes are watching
every movement of the
hardwood floors, sending out
dust.
A front door with four locks,
but one is broken.
A back down with four locks,
but never opened.
The devil can't get out,
the demons can't get in.
Waiting for the chance
for redemption,
riding on the back of a cockroach.
Close the French doors to the bedroom,
shut out the world,
bathed in darkness,
hidden,
secluded,
perfect
for one more day.