i miss the panic attacks that i
used to have
the ones that made me physically weak
the ones that made me shake and cry
the ones that told me that i am weak

sounds terrible, and they really were.
but, i'd rather the physical pain
and the emotional pain
than the psychological pain that i
go through when i have my "new" attacks.

my new attacks scare me so much because
i suddenly feel so unreal.
like reality is taken from me
and i can see myself
i can see the people around me,
i can see everything
and its exhausting,
being in that state of mind.
and then i start to hear things--
screaming people,
children laughing,
a constant voice just saying something.
these aren't my thoughts,
this is a new form of panicking.
and i hate every second of it.

Things are well legs are sore from powerlifting
Working on lyrics for my demo project not sure when but its in the works.
Trying to stop eatting fatty foods another lifestyle change to be fit my friend said get in shape and everything will come to you.
Been smiling more avoiding negative ppl
Not talking to girls who are consumed by drama
I refuse to let them bring me down. Ive always seen potential but if they dont thats on them.
Ive been laughing with people who appreciate my laughter and sense of humor. Im behaving not trying to drown out my anxiety with alcohol
Or be sad over some girl who doesn't want me.
Staying positive ive always been one to change things or ask why cant things be change but I mind my business

In the silence that follows the storm
when the cormorant cleans her wings
and the chaffinch in the tree sings,
I'll be there
weaving my words through your hair
and blowing kisses in the wind.