What do you do when
youve always been lost
without a place?

A slave to the chains
and weight of fate,
strayed from plans best laid
as the whole basement's razed?

And since you can't brace
for the blows
that bend and bow
your body til it breaks,
pavement leaving
naked skin scraped–
like blades, it scathes,
until I'm
in this vacant state,
the same
as the ache that I hate.

How do you stay chaste
and have faith
when you are your only savior
but everything is left disgraced?

And the only times you taste
why it was worth the wait
you wake to find reflection's
face erased,
leaving no station or trace.

A wraith,
racing with haste
just to end the pain at
an accelerating rate,
I decay and waste
as yesterdays
fade away.

And you mean to tell me that
no matter how dire the straits
or how great the stakes
we can evade or escape?

But how will we
if nowhere has ever been safe?

I only just realized
what joy can be—
It is a small thing,
I think,

In the back office
at the bank,
If you leave the chair canted
towards the south window,
the sun will warm the small
blue seat around 11:45

It has always been
such an inconsequential thing to me
always out of reach—

But it’s there,
A quarter before noon
every day.

Once, life was happening
Now,
It just happens

Dragged nails across thin snow, clawing for dirt,
leaving trails like staff lines.
Dead leaves landing like notes;
A song of anguish.

I’m an ordinary girl
Born of ordinary parents
On an extraordinary day.

They came from ordinary people
Who lived out ordinary lives.
They never really had a lot
And seemed content with lesser.

How is it then that I was born
Always wanting something more.
Seeking that beyond the screen
Not satisfied with all at hand.

Why did I not fit the mold
That formed my sis and  brother.
It seemed to work out fine for them
But was a prison cell for me.

I bashed through those restraining walls
To seek my future my own way
Finding cliffs I could not climb
And oceans I could never swim

There was a narrow path to take
But I preferred to dance the edges
Gathering the shiny baubles
That melted in the setting Sun
And left me where I am today
Living an ordinary life

And seeking to plant Hollyhocks
Where only cactus ever grows.
                   ljm