A waterfall of brown
Strands and locks.
Sometimes curving,
Or just flowing.
Down a bank of pebbles,
Like water from a stream.
I love the way the
Individual hairs like
Water droplets splash
From the rest of the river.

the thing i regret the most
is l o s i n g you.
i held the most beautiful flower in my hands
and tossed it to the wind.
how cool it was to be your best friend.
thank you for that.
and iv’e tried mustering the courage to say something to you
but every time i see that blank look
on your beautiful face
i want to to stab myself for what
I did.
i did this to us…
didn’t i?
but if we are strangers,
would you let me meet you again.
if i bumped in to you by “accident”
and said sorry in a way that made you talk
to me
how would you respond?
if i was given the chance to rid myself of this anger and resentment,
would you take me back then?
if i wrote books of poetry,
and every one of them were labeled
"SORRY"
would you take me back then?
i can’t take this anymore,
she isn’t for me,
you were…
i see that now.
grant me your forgiveness,
i understand if you
don’t.
but just know that i am sorry
even if sorry isn’t
enough.

Thinking
Thinking
Waking up
Thinking
Eating breakfast
Thinking
Doing schoolwork
Thinking
Why can't I stop thinking
Because its in me
My natural inclination
Thinking
Still thinking
Please just stop
Then
Silence
As a another thought
RUSHES THROUGH MY HEAD

Standing tall now,
Heart pulsing.
Beating.
Pending.
The tick and
Loading like
A buffer on a
Computer screen.

Insides screaming,
Butterflies kicking.
My guts are in
Pieces-
Floating inside of me.
Burning-
My skin is on fire.
And I start to
S P E A K.

Black ink against white paper,
You took the wrapper off your favorite flavor,
Eyes met mine and begged for a favor,
I resisted,
But you insisted,
That I,
Talked to you late at night,
Like the moon does with its favorite star,
You,
Shined brighter than the sun,
Reflected and spread like dust against mars,
I couldn't resist your cuteness,
So I made jokes to explain my rudeness,
And you laughed and forgot about the brokenness of our track
I took your heart and pinned it up with a tack,
I wrote words of meaning on your ventricles,
Until one day my pen pierced one of your valves,
It was my fault your blood spilled on the floor,
That familiar feeling of guilt came knocking on my door,
You took your heart,
Ran away to mend your wounds,
Treated me with silence until my loose paper was few,
The poems flew,
And most were for you,
My pen is out of ink and now my heart is out of room.

over and over
words come washing over me
i try to cover
myself.
but once again i am reminded
that u are gone
and im the bad guy
again.

Rich, black soil
All around.
I cup my ear to hear the sound.

Of your voice,
Neither near or far.
You’ve left me standing
With a diamond in a jar.

You say,
“You reap just what you sow.”
Then tell me how long
Till my garden grows?

Cuz I am continuously
Falling down;
Planting my diamonds
In the ground.

Maybe one day they’ll
Grow into a tree.
And sprout diamonds
From every leaf.

Your life poetry is calling my name
And like the pen in my hand
You scribble away at my heart

My lonely heart
My oh so lonely heart
You took me in

How could I ever repay you for that
Never could I
Or will I ever

See your body like the paper I doodle on
The oh so fragile body that you have marked
With tattooed arms and legs

And pierced ears and lips
So unnatural
You call my name

My lonely heart
Oh my oh so lonely heart
Is broken for you

on the bus
your hands met mine
our bodies touched
that trip was one of my favorites

on the bus
when we kissed
*******
your mouth covered mine

on the bus
we didn't care who looked
dubstep in our ears
you are mine

forever

on the bus

I want to...
Forget everything that has happened,
Forget everything,
Isn't that what they say?
Ignorance is bliss?
Or am I just confusing terms,
Like I did when I was with you.

It is so hard to tell what is,
The difference,
Between pain,
And laughter,
Because even when you laugh,
That ring and shine to it,
Is just gone....

The bells of your voice overpowering then,
Are lost somewhere,
Perhaps I stole it, eh?
Like you stole my heart,
That was so long ago,
And the pain of now overpowers those memories.

I remember the brightness of your voice,
I remember the color of your eyes,
I remember the way you liked to be held,
What?
Oh yes,
Even those half-way hugs,
The quick ones before you took your bus home,
I remember those too.
But do you?

I wonder if you would let me return what was stolen.
I wonder and think,
And think and wonder aloud,
Sometimes in my sleep.
Would you let me give you back your bells?

I miss the ring of your voice,
I even listen hard in class for you to speak out,
Just to hear you.
Just to listen to the sweet,
But hurt,
Words that come from your mouth.

Silence hurts far worse than any,
Guilt,
Or mourning.
Please speak.
Please.

Dark, melancholy story of a shadow.

Like the biggest problem in my life,
This feeling of "Tell me whats going to happen NOW!",
I hate not knowing, I hate waiting, I hate not having you,
And I yell, and I stay up late,
Laying there, thinking,
Why, or how or when....
And I yell at other people for absolutely no reason,
And I curse at everyone and everything,
I try to take my mind off of it,
By writing, or skating, or playing the guitar...
Which I **** at all of those things,
Which makes me angrier that I am so stupid,
That I can't just respect your decision of waiting,
But to tell you the truth it kills me,
It literally kills me,
And I'm sorry.

She ran like the whiskey down my throat
Every day I craved more of her
And yet she left my mouth dry

The world is full of
Kings and Queens
Who blind your choices
And steal your dreams.
They put fake crowns
On our heads.
Soon all of these towns
Will be full of dread.
Shh…
Don’t move.
Everyone stay quiet.
No one play a tune.
No one write a poem.
No one sing a song.
No one do a dance.
But I won’t buy it.
Somewhere in this lonely world,
There has to be a sound.
Even in this science and math world,
There has to be some color.
Even if I am the last artist in the world,
I will do my part.

Tears are strange things,
Related to the ocean,
Salty, wet, leaving tracks from your eyes,
To as far as you let them run,
Before you wipe them away.

But there are many types of tears,
Oh, you didn't know?
Let me guess,
You thought,
"Oh a weeping and a crying,
Are all the same thing!"

I tell you now,
There are many types of tears,
The tears of a widow,
Or those extremely loud ones,
From the small, innocent eyes of a babe.

From orphan,
Crying himself to sleep at night,
The adopted child,
Confused.

From the disappointed mother and father,
Knowing their son or daughter,
Drowning in ignorance and not even caring.
Do they not know their selfishness,
Causes such woe from their parents?

Or the tears running black with makeup,
Down, falling across a broken heart,
And falling,
Shattered on the ground.
As if, those tears some how compensated,
His forever,
That ended much too soon.

And still the tears that fall into the casket,
Or into the grass beside the gravestone,
Those tears send flooding with them,
Memories,
Oh the memories,
All rush at once from the greiver's eyes.

Tears are a strange thing,
Don't you know?

“CONFUSED” “BOSSY”
“FAKE”
“CREATIVE”
“INDEPENDENT”
“A­NGRY” “POETIC”
“UNIQUE”
“RUDE” “DEPENDANT” “MEAN”
“­ANNOYING”
“UGLY” “GROUCHY” “****”
“IRRESPONSIBLE”
“GOING TO DO GREAT THINGS.”

My love is given to her,
The one who holds my heart,
Or maybe the one who wants it back...

"Who?", you ask,
As for me, I give no response,
I need time to think, to ponder...

"What are you going to do?", you ask,
As for me I have no answer,
I need sleep and a serendipity...

Someone else make these decisions for me,
No not the one who holds my heart,
Nor the one who wants it back...

But as for me, I give no attempt,
No, no I do not try to get her back,
The one who wants my heart back...

Because although I forgave her,
When she left me,
It didn't break my heart, it broke my empathy...

And as for the one who holds my heart,
I hope she puts the pieces of me together again,
Before I make the wrong (or maybe right) decision...

She is just a corpse now,
Skipping class,
She doesn't care if she'll pass.

He is wondering away,
Being called things like '******' and 'gay',
Oh the power of words he realized,
Right before he pulled that trigger, tied that noose, sharpened that blade.

She walks lonely, her mind filled with thoughts,
All of them slow, Idealistic,
And yet no one will listen.

For him it was the words,
For her the thoughts,
That drove them both insane, mad, crazy,
Drove them both to suicide.

But both had something in common,
They are both no longer alive.

You know this,
I am so deep within myself,
Not sleeping,
Ever.
And guess where I talk to you now?
No?
My dreams,
And my blank staring,
My day dreaming-
Has countless conversations with you.
Still,
After all these days,
I can't *******,
Stop.
Thinking about that three hour period,
I skipped to get nothing,
Accomplished in a computer lab,
But walking,
And talking,
I saw the honey and sugar,
Drip from your lips...
But still too scared to kiss them.

I AM THE BAD GUY IN THIS STORY,
YOU ARE THE PRINCESS IN THE TOWER.
HE WILL BE YOUR KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR,
AND I AM THE DRAGON PACING EVERY HOUR.

WHO AM I TO BE YOUR KNIGHT?
YOU PUSH ME OUT AND LOCK THE TOWER.
HE WILL COME ALONG WITH HIS SHINY SWORD,
AND THE DRAGON WILL RUN AND COWER.

YOU SAY YOU NEED NO KNIGHT AFTER ALL,
SO YOU RUN FAR AWAY FROM THE TOWER.
THE KNIGHT GOES AWAY AND THE DRAGON IS LEFT ALONE.
AND SO HE SITS ALONE IN THE TOWER.

I ONCE STOOD TALL, BUT NOW I'M SHORT,
I REALIZE YOU DON'T NEED ME ANYMORE.
SO I'LL SIT HERE WAITING FOR
ANOTHER PRINCESS TO COME LOCK THE DOOR.

for her eyes shone like the moon light
and her feet quick as the wind
but she still felt empty
as if his presence made her full
of stars and dreams of holding hands
and still all she wanted...
was to sleep

Your lips curved like a crescent moon
Your hips also
Will it be soon
You ask
My reply
It will
Then when will we leave
Soon I say
Again
With more force
And yet we never left

It has been six or seven years now,
Since that day I signed the papers,
Giving my life away,
Literally,
My brother and I,
Finally find a home,
To stay,
To be loved,
Even if I don't always like my "new" family,
I know that I'm loved,
And that makes me smile.

her body up against mine
we are in the woods
and its dark

your lips taste like cherry lip gloss
and all i can think is 'oh ****'
but you whisper in my ear
secrets not to be contained

Your looks of jealousy,
They haunt me,

"It was for the best,"
But are you back to stay,

Or are you like a fleeting dove,
On the wind,
Also known as my heart...

Find notebook
Rip everything out of it
Tear the pages to tiny pieces
Light the tiny pieces on fire
**** on the fire to put it out
Leave ash and puddle of **** on floor
Forget about dreams of becoming a writer
Lay down and cry

My past haunts me...
Like a ghost in my head...
Someone exorcise these demons...
My past,
Like a crumpled up *** of paper in my trash bin....
So many good ideas,
So why did I throw them away?

For her,
As it always should have been.
For her,
As it always should be,
For her,
When her hearts full of grief,
And she’s crying cuz of me.

After the silence settles,
Like dust.
We hardly feel dumb struck.
Sideways glances to say with my eyes:
For her.

And her long hair,
And her loud laugh,
And the long walks,
And the loud laughs,
Will never be mine again.

--For her--

i told you to let me go,
but at the same time though,
i want to be in your arms,
and brush your cheeks with my thumb.

as the trees lost their leaves,
neither of us knew how to breathe,
because even though we were falling apart,
i knew exactly where we came from.

And shining like,
The original residents.
I have replaced my night skies,
With constellations that I named after,
You.
Each in its own way representing,
You.
Your laughter,
Or,
That one there,
Not a constellation but,
A shooting star.
I wrote that one after your,
Smile.
These papers are all stars,
To me,
Because,
Each has something about,
You.

Music and poetry,
Sadness and memories,
School work and hell,
Blankets and snow,
IFHY and ILY
Terms,
Correlations,
Differences,
And connections.

Were all I ever wanted,
But this silence,
It kills me.
Doesn't it to you?
Lack of conversations,
No more words pour from your,
Mouth.
So I write them instead.
Writing what you might say,
If I tried to reconnect,
I know I won't ever....

Like a hot stove
You burned me
And still
I wanted more of you
Like a suicidal star
Super nova of love

A rainbow against my,
Wall,
It bounces back just down the,
Hall,
With a tremendous leap and being very,
Tall,
I keep it from the rainbow snatchers who,
Call,
Curses after me with,
Drawl.

Like a song that never sings,
The music I once heard from your lips,
Are to never return,
Is it?

Like the colors you used to make up,
No one else could see them,
But oh,
You see them all too clearly now.

And the noises, the smells, the feelings,
They all rush back to you don't they?
But oh,
You aren't to say one word of these things.

Besides you promised yourself,
One poem,
Wouldn't bring you back to him,
Begging on you knees!

Your pride,
Oh how your pride stings me,
But soon,
You die like the bees at the unkown spots,


Hiding from me,
And the rest of the world,
And how you put on your show,
Pretending your fine.

There is a door at the end of this hall,
And I’m going to go through it.
There are clouds up in the sky,
And I’m going to go view them.
As soon as I get through this hall.
The doorway is large and I am narrow.
Yet the farther I go down the hall,
The longer it gets.

Snow falls outside my window,
Fog turned against the glass,
Like a monster trying to free itself,
From the cold outside,
My own breath,
Matched against the glass,
My breath and the cold fog,
Separated by a pane of,
Glass.
But never met.

Me                                                                                                                 You
Dogs                                                                                                      Cats
Angry                                                                                                      Happy
Sad                                                                                                            Sassy
Tall                                                                                                         Short
Short hair                                                                                          Long hair
Dependent                                                                                 Independent
Needy                                                                                           Self-sufficient
Writer                                                                                                 All-around
Okay                                                                                            Amazing
Blah                                                                                                           B.L.A
Ugly                                                                                                      Beautiful
Annoying                                                                                         Cute
****                                                                                                        Nice
Straight forward                                                               Sometimes confusing
"I love you"                                                                                          **?

sure it was the worst of times
it was also the best

sure i broke hearts
but found one that is made of silver

sure im confused
but i still had dreams about you

sure this poem makes no sense
but it will to you

First guilt,
Then pain,
Then numbness,
Now nothing.

Sun, stars, moon, light, darkness, beauty.
Sky, clouds, birds, wind, expansiveness.
Mountains, snow, waterfall, strength.
Trees, nests, leaves,
                                   Fall,
                                           Fall,
                                                   Ground, dirt, people, animals,
And as I sit to wonder and wander in these things,
Here with my paper and pen,
Lying in a hammock,
Thinking, pondering, wondering,
Done.

Leave your mark on me.
Your finger tips
Between mine.
Your lips on bare skin
Like pen on bare paper.
Write me a poem.

Tomorrow we will leave school and go to the woods
Tomorrow I will take your hand in mine
Tomorrow I will love you like no other
Tomorrow I will forget my spirit
Tomorrow I will be with, in, on, for you
Tomorrow I will give you a letter
Explaining my love

Answer me,
Look into my eyes when you speak to me,
Or I to you,
Let me know how you feel,
Talk to me please,
And secrets of us only,
For us.

Maybe later we will understand,
The thoughts in each other's heads,
With out the use of frustration,
To convey our empty hearts,
And our empty hands.

Let the space in our hearts,
Be expressed out in the air,
Like the visible breath on a winters day.

And the space between our fingers,
Be told like fable,
And filled with each other's stories.

"Imagination is greater than knowledge." - Einstein

In my head even though it's already full,
Of webs and dust,
Pull the light,
My glass is half empty,
Now and yet I still run after the,
Stars and push them as far back in my,
Head as they will go,
I try so hard to be,
As happy as you are,
But I'm afraid it's not,
Enough.

A soft rain falls
From the light gray sky.
If you don't look closely,
It seems
There is no rain at all.
Water running in small
Rivers down the hill and
Across the grass.
Like veins of blood
Circulating to a beating
Heart.
Thick, big drops of
Waterfall from the
Tree branches.
In puddles there are
Ripples.
And yet...
if you don't look closely,
It seems
There is no rain at all.