Leave your mark on me.
Your finger tips
Between mine.
Your lips on bare skin
Like pen on bare paper.
Write me a poem.

i told you to let me go,
but at the same time though,
i want to be in your arms,
and brush your cheeks with my thumb.

as the trees lost their leaves,
neither of us knew how to breathe,
because even though we were falling apart,
i knew exactly where we came from.

Down this lonely road,
Trees hang over with a melancholy tone.
I carry a burdensome load,
Which I have hardly ever shown.

Along these yellow lines I walk,
I know the end of the path is near.
Everything is silent, so I refuse to talk,
When it is dark I shall show no fear.

I lift my head to see the way,
I will close my eyes for only a moment.
At the end I know I will pay,
For things I said and did: thus atonement.

These scars I carry will eventually fade,
When I choose to stop reopening them.
I cannot stop here in the shade,
For I have a while to walk past them.

Five years now I have fallen down,
A lonely path never trodden.
I pretend to wear a gem filled crown,
Only to feel it and find it rusted and sodden.




My coat is wet and worn,
My shoes’ tread long gone.
My shirt is ***** and torn,
But I choose to walk on.

Because at the end of this dark path I see,
A home worth walking towards.
With a family who truly loves me,
I have no choice but to walk forward.

Inside of my head:
It is lighter than white,
And it’s darker than black.
Inside my chest it’s all tight,
Like my hearts in a sack.
Before I fall asleep, I try not to think;
My eyes start watering up and I can hardly blink.
It’s like walking up forty flights of stairs to my own plight.
I want to climb up just for the sight.
But whenever I look up at the night,
You are the only thing I see tonight.
I’m up in the air like a kite,
Then I fall to the bottom before I can find flight.
It’s like I’m living in another day or another time.
And in my fear of losing myself, I lose my mind.

There is a door at the end of this hall,
And I’m going to go through it.
There are clouds up in the sky,
And I’m going to go view them.
As soon as I get through this hall.
The doorway is large and I am narrow.
Yet the farther I go down the hall,
The longer it gets.

If all I did was write poems,
I’d be writing for days and days.
If all I did was homework,
I’d **** myself in many different ways.
If all I did was work I didn't want to do,
I’d make sure I’d get paid.
If all I did was sing songs,
I’d have to find a guitar to play.
If all I did was sit around eating,
My best friend would be Lay’s.

Rich, black soil
All around.
I cup my ear to hear the sound.

Of your voice,
Neither near or far.
You’ve left me standing
With a diamond in a jar.

You say,
“You reap just what you sow.”
Then tell me how long
Till my garden grows?

Cuz I am continuously
Falling down;
Planting my diamonds
In the ground.

Maybe one day they’ll
Grow into a tree.
And sprout diamonds
From every leaf.

“CONFUSED” “BOSSY”
“FAKE”
“CREATIVE”
“INDEPENDENT”
“A­NGRY” “POETIC”
“UNIQUE”
“RUDE” “DEPENDANT” “MEAN”
“­ANNOYING”
“UGLY” “GROUCHY” “****”
“IRRESPONSIBLE”
“GOING TO DO GREAT THINGS.”

I don’t care if you’ve got long hair,
If it’s short or if it’s pink.
I don’t care if you’re short as a stump,
Or tall as a tree.
All I care is how much you love.
Is it a little,
Or a lot?
If we were to fight,
Would it be right,
To put some space in the middle?

The world is full of
Kings and Queens
Who blind your choices
And steal your dreams.
They put fake crowns
On our heads.
Soon all of these towns
Will be full of dread.
Shh…
Don’t move.
Everyone stay quiet.
No one play a tune.
No one write a poem.
No one sing a song.
No one do a dance.
But I won’t buy it.
Somewhere in this lonely world,
There has to be a sound.
Even in this science and math world,
There has to be some color.
Even if I am the last artist in the world,
I will do my part.

Spilled off the page,
There in the grass.
All the a’s, b’s, c’s
Lay alone.
The words spun around my head and
Helped me forget
All the things I hate to think of.
Spread out across the leaves,
My imagination
Lay alone.
And cold.
So I picked back up the
Letters
And words
And sentences,
Till they formed
Back together again.

This is for the lions in the broken down chests
Of my chain smoking friends.
This is for the snakes in the heads of people I
Don’t necessarily like.
This is for anyone above the ground,
The people doing “great” and “fine”.
But this is mostly for the ones that have no
Where to go. And nothing to do.
This is for those below.

For a time I felt like I was drowning.
My feet were solid, but my head was below water.
I was the Titanic, I wasn’t supposed to sink.
You were an iceberg, you came out of nowhere.
And we all know where that story ends.

You say you’re confident with the decision you made,
But I hear you crying over the phone.

And anyone who’s ever lost someone
Close to them.
And anyone who’s ever lost someone
Who loved them back,
It may feel like you are 70 miles below the ground.
Just remember that the further you go down,
The farther you come up the other side.
And you may end up in China or Antarctica.
But at least you are above the ground.

She likes the smell of cigarettes and cologne.
And she will stay up all night on her phone.
She has long hair, longer than anyone here,
We would jump off of cliffs,
Cuz you would never show any fear.

I’m sitting at the bottom—
Thinking of you,
I’m sitting at the bottom—
Crying over you.

I sigh,
As you start to cry.
Telephone wires keep our conversation high.
I throw my phone,
After you say goodbye.
But in my ear
I can still hear,
The ‘end call’ tone.

For her,
As it always should have been.
For her,
As it always should be,
For her,
When her hearts full of grief,
And she’s crying cuz of me.

After the silence settles,
Like dust.
We hardly feel dumb struck.
Sideways glances to say with my eyes:
For her.

And her long hair,
And her loud laugh,
And the long walks,
And the loud laughs,
Will never be mine again.

--For her--

Some people love freely,
And end up with a broken heart.
Some people hide away,
And never encounter love’s strange ways.
And still some walk on
With c a u t i o n.
Taking risks only every now and then.
And the ones they love,
Slowly chip away at their heart.
At least they can say,
“I tried anyways.”

I write poems in the middle of class.
And write lists of things that
Rhyme with your name.
I don’t know if im gonna pass,
I just wanna know if you feel the same pain.
Because after you left the cast
Of characters in my life,
The acts and scenes just haven’t been the same.
That you would forgive and give me another chance,
Is all I ask;
Because with you around
I feel like I have so much fame.
But now I know I have just one task:
Try and forget all the times we made;
I’m gonna try. Real. Hard. To forget your name.

I will bite down on my knuckles till they bleed,
I will try to forget all of the things we’ve seen.
I will bite down on the end of my pen
Until it busts;
And there is black ink in my mouth.
I will spit as much as I can.
I will swish around some water
And spit some more.

And it’s these tantrums I throw when I
Don’t get my way.
These tantrums I throw that will
Never make anything okay.

I’m gonna try real hard to forget your name.

Things Fall Down,
And Get Up
Again Before It’s
Too Late To
Be Fou­nd Again.

Things Fall Down,
What If They
Didn’t Get Up
Again? Wh­ere Would
I Be Now?

Things Fall Down.
So Get Up
The Next Time
Yo­u Fall. Make
A Next Time.

I find peace is when I
Write.
The pen is no longer a
Pen.
My mouth is no longer a
Mouth.
The pen is a mouth,
Talking.
Not only talking but,
Screaming.
And sometimes it’s only
Whispering.
Sometimes I write what happened that
Day.
But mostly I write about my
Past.
Trying to collect my memories on
Paper.
Putting the stories in chronological
Order.
Trying. Always trying to
Remember.

A soft rain falls
From the light grey sky.
If you don’t look closely,
It seems
There is no rain at all.
Water running in small
Rivers down the hill and
Across the grass.
Like veins of blood
Circulating to a beating
Heart.
Thick, big drops of
Water fall from the
Tree branches.
In puddles there are
Ripples.
And yet…
If you don’t look closely,
It seems
There is no rain at all.

For her,
As it always should have been.
For her,
As it always should be.
For her,
When her heart is full of grief,
And she is crying over me.

After the silence settles
Like dust.
We hardly feel dumb struck.
Sideways glances—
To say with my eyes:
For her.

And her long hair,
And her loud voice,
And the long walks,
And the loud laughs,

Will never be mine again.
--For her.

I AM THE BAD GUY IN THIS STORY,
YOU ARE THE PRINCESS IN THE TOWER.
HE WILL BE YOUR KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOUR,
AND I AM THE DRAGON PACING EVERY HOUR.

WHO AM I TO BE YOUR KNIGHT?
YOU PUSH ME OUT AND LOCK THE TOWER.
HE WILL COME ALONG WITH HIS SHINY SWORD,
AND THE DRAGON WILL RUN AND COWER.

YOU SAY YOU NEED NO KNIGHT AFTER ALL,
SO YOU RUN FAR AWAY FROM THE TOWER.
THE KNIGHT GOES AWAY AND THE DRAGON IS LEFT ALONE.
AND SO HE SITS ALONE IN THE TOWER.

I ONCE STOOD TALL, BUT NOW I'M SHORT,
I REALIZE YOU DON'T NEED ME ANYMORE.
SO I'LL SIT HERE WAITING FOR
ANOTHER PRINCESS TO COME LOCK THE DOOR.

you'll be the first person i'll tell
it's all a bunch of *******...
your just a hypocrite...
and i'm just a ****...
i would sing you songs until you stab me
i would only raise an octave at the sight of the blood.
i would write you poems until you cut off my fingers,
i would put the pen in my mouth and write with my teeth if i had to.
you could run away
and i could follow.

you said "i love you" sounds to fake.
and "i hate you" sounds just right.
and i won't lie,
it's a long walk from my house to yours.

i would fight your boyfriend if i had to,
and you could be my best friend if you wanted to,
but we both know
that im an introvert
and your that weird thing
to where you like to talk to everyone.

and i guess im typing and babbling now,
but that just explains the fact
you told me to calm down,
and stop smoking
cuz you thought i would get cancer or something.

but i was young and didn't think i had to care about that stuff
now im older and know that i should.

over and over
words come washing over me
i try to cover
myself.
but once again i am reminded
that u are gone
and im the bad guy
again.

and if i could take you back
what then?
your heart would still have the scars
of being left behind
im more sorry than ever
ya know
and i know i could never
change all the times i told you i loved you
because they were heartfelt
and true
because of you
i dont know where i am anymore
and im scared you will move on
and not give me another chance
to prove to you
what i really am
what we could really be
please speak to me

the thing i regret the most
is l o s i n g you.
i held the most beautiful flower in my hands
and tossed it to the wind.
how cool it was to be your best friend.
thank you for that.
and iv’e tried mustering the courage to say something to you
but every time i see that blank look
on your beautiful face
i want to to stab myself for what
I did.
i did this to us…
didn’t i?
but if we are strangers,
would you let me meet you again.
if i bumped in to you by “accident”
and said sorry in a way that made you talk
to me
how would you respond?
if i was given the chance to rid myself of this anger and resentment,
would you take me back then?
if i wrote books of poetry,
and every one of them were labeled
"SORRY"
would you take me back then?
i can’t take this anymore,
she isn’t for me,
you were…
i see that now.
grant me your forgiveness,
i understand if you
don’t.
but just know that i am sorry
even if sorry isn’t
enough.

Me                                                                                                                 You
Dogs                                                                                                      Cats
Angry                                                                                                      Happy
Sad                                                                                                            Sassy
Tall                                                                                                         Short
Short hair                                                                                          Long hair
Dependent                                                                                 Independent
Needy                                                                                           Self-sufficient
Writer                                                                                                 All-around
Okay                                                                                            Amazing
Blah                                                                                                           B.L.A
Ugly                                                                                                      Beautiful
Annoying                                                                                         Cute
****                                                                                                        Nice
Straight forward                                                               Sometimes confusing
"I love you"                                                                                          **?

A waterfall of brown
Strands and locks.
Sometimes curving,
Or just flowing.
Down a bank of pebbles,
Like water from a stream.
I love the way the
Individual hairs like
Water droplets splash
From the rest of the river.

She walks upon skies of stars,
And talks the talk of flowers.
If only I could be of her race:
Beauty.
Her laughter obnoxious and free.
She doesn't care who hears or sees.
Why should she?
She is always happy,
With or without me.
It seems....
I can't stop thinking about her,
Because,
She walks upon skies of stars.
Every step she takes a new
Constellation is made and
Named after her.
And she talks the talk of flowers.
Every word a petal or a thorn.
Every sentence a daisy or a rose.
If only I could be of her race:
Beauty.

Are you wandering through the grass?
Climbing trees and down through brooks.
Your legs so short they were
Swallowed by the creek.
I wouldn't be surprised if you
Floated out to sea.
I don't suppose you remember,
The times we gave and received.
I don't suppose you remember,
The times we fought and teased.
I never liked the black pants
Or the black tie.
And my dress pants never seem to
Fit just right.
Looking at stained glass windows,
The colors represent different people I know.
I don't suppose you remember,
The times we gave and received.
I don't suppose you remember,
The times we fought and teased.

Bottom lip puckered,
Begging for things
Wanted and needed.

Wanting-
Pleasure,
Reassurance,
Another chance.
"Is it too far away?"
I ask,
Wanting-
An answer.

Needing-
A reason to
Smile,
Laugh,
Live.
Needing-
A reason.

Standing tall now,
Heart pulsing.
Beating.
Pending.
The tick and
Loading like
A buffer on a
Computer screen.

Insides screaming,
Butterflies kicking.
My guts are in
Pieces-
Floating inside of me.
Burning-
My skin is on fire.
And I start to
S P E A K.

Pools of shimmering
Glitter.
Brighter than holy
Stars.
Reflecting and I
Feel ***** in your
Sight.
Across the classroom
I request a trip to the
Bathroom.
Just to check in the mirror
To see if I am still
Alive.

The stony smile was so mystical yet distant.
It's cold castle of rage was eternal.
All alone, like an eclipse at twilight.
It's voice of courage giving in to disaster.
Left in an evergreen sea of fire.

A soft rain falls
From the light gray sky.
If you don't look closely,
It seems
There is no rain at all.
Water running in small
Rivers down the hill and
Across the grass.
Like veins of blood
Circulating to a beating
Heart.
Thick, big drops of
Waterfall from the
Tree branches.
In puddles there are
Ripples.
And yet...
if you don't look closely,
It seems
There is no rain at all.

In my head even though it's already full,
Of webs and dust,
Pull the light,
My glass is half empty,
Now and yet I still run after the,
Stars and push them as far back in my,
Head as they will go,
I try so hard to be,
As happy as you are,
But I'm afraid it's not,
Enough.

A rainbow against my,
Wall,
It bounces back just down the,
Hall,
With a tremendous leap and being very,
Tall,
I keep it from the rainbow snatchers who,
Call,
Curses after me with,
Drawl.

Were all I ever wanted,
But this silence,
It kills me.
Doesn't it to you?
Lack of conversations,
No more words pour from your,
Mouth.
So I write them instead.
Writing what you might say,
If I tried to reconnect,
I know I won't ever....

You know this,
I am so deep within myself,
Not sleeping,
Ever.
And guess where I talk to you now?
No?
My dreams,
And my blank staring,
My day dreaming-
Has countless conversations with you.
Still,
After all these days,
I can't *******,
Stop.
Thinking about that three hour period,
I skipped to get nothing,
Accomplished in a computer lab,
But walking,
And talking,
I saw the honey and sugar,
Drip from your lips...
But still too scared to kiss them.

And shining like,
The original residents.
I have replaced my night skies,
With constellations that I named after,
You.
Each in its own way representing,
You.
Your laughter,
Or,
That one there,
Not a constellation but,
A shooting star.
I wrote that one after your,
Smile.
These papers are all stars,
To me,
Because,
Each has something about,
You.

Courage to say sorry,
Or even,
Goodbye.
I'm leaving soon you see?
Our time is up soon.
It is my fault.
My love has come quickly,
Turning around,
Your ankles and dragging you,
To the depths of my own,
Despair,
Like a,
Waterfall.

To say sorry.

Snow falls outside my window,
Fog turned against the glass,
Like a monster trying to free itself,
From the cold outside,
My own breath,
Matched against the glass,
My breath and the cold fog,
Separated by a pane of,
Glass.
But never met.

Black ink against white paper,
You took the wrapper off your favorite flavor,
Eyes met mine and begged for a favor,
I resisted,
But you insisted,
That I,
Talked to you late at night,
Like the moon does with its favorite star,
You,
Shined brighter than the sun,
Reflected and spread like dust against mars,
I couldn't resist your cuteness,
So I made jokes to explain my rudeness,
And you laughed and forgot about the brokenness of our track
I took your heart and pinned it up with a tack,
I wrote words of meaning on your ventricles,
Until one day my pen pierced one of your valves,
It was my fault your blood spilled on the floor,
That familiar feeling of guilt came knocking on my door,
You took your heart,
Ran away to mend your wounds,
Treated me with silence until my loose paper was few,
The poems flew,
And most were for you,
My pen is out of ink and now my heart is out of room.

Find notebook
Rip everything out of it
Tear the pages to tiny pieces
Light the tiny pieces on fire
**** on the fire to put it out
Leave ash and puddle of **** on floor
Forget about dreams of becoming a writer
Lay down and cry

Music and poetry,
Sadness and memories,
School work and hell,
Blankets and snow,
IFHY and ILY
Terms,
Correlations,
Differences,
And connections.

I want to...
Forget everything that has happened,
Forget everything,
Isn't that what they say?
Ignorance is bliss?
Or am I just confusing terms,
Like I did when I was with you.

It is so hard to tell what is,
The difference,
Between pain,
And laughter,
Because even when you laugh,
That ring and shine to it,
Is just gone....

The bells of your voice overpowering then,
Are lost somewhere,
Perhaps I stole it, eh?
Like you stole my heart,
That was so long ago,
And the pain of now overpowers those memories.

I remember the brightness of your voice,
I remember the color of your eyes,
I remember the way you liked to be held,
What?
Oh yes,
Even those half-way hugs,
The quick ones before you took your bus home,
I remember those too.
But do you?

I wonder if you would let me return what was stolen.
I wonder and think,
And think and wonder aloud,
Sometimes in my sleep.
Would you let me give you back your bells?

I miss the ring of your voice,
I even listen hard in class for you to speak out,
Just to hear you.
Just to listen to the sweet,
But hurt,
Words that come from your mouth.

Silence hurts far worse than any,
Guilt,
Or mourning.
Please speak.
Please.

Like a song that never sings,
The music I once heard from your lips,
Are to never return,
Is it?

Like the colors you used to make up,
No one else could see them,
But oh,
You see them all too clearly now.

And the noises, the smells, the feelings,
They all rush back to you don't they?
But oh,
You aren't to say one word of these things.

Besides you promised yourself,
One poem,
Wouldn't bring you back to him,
Begging on you knees!

Your pride,
Oh how your pride stings me,
But soon,
You die like the bees at the unkown spots,


Hiding from me,
And the rest of the world,
And how you put on your show,
Pretending your fine.

Tears are strange things,
Related to the ocean,
Salty, wet, leaving tracks from your eyes,
To as far as you let them run,
Before you wipe them away.

But there are many types of tears,
Oh, you didn't know?
Let me guess,
You thought,
"Oh a weeping and a crying,
Are all the same thing!"

I tell you now,
There are many types of tears,
The tears of a widow,
Or those extremely loud ones,
From the small, innocent eyes of a babe.

From orphan,
Crying himself to sleep at night,
The adopted child,
Confused.

From the disappointed mother and father,
Knowing their son or daughter,
Drowning in ignorance and not even caring.
Do they not know their selfishness,
Causes such woe from their parents?

Or the tears running black with makeup,
Down, falling across a broken heart,
And falling,
Shattered on the ground.
As if, those tears some how compensated,
His forever,
That ended much too soon.

And still the tears that fall into the casket,
Or into the grass beside the gravestone,
Those tears send flooding with them,
Memories,
Oh the memories,
All rush at once from the greiver's eyes.

Tears are a strange thing,
Don't you know?