First guilt,
Then pain,
Then numbness,
Now nothing.

I can't stop,
This feeling,
Why do you do this,
Making me like you?

Sun, stars, moon, light, darkness, beauty.
Sky, clouds, birds, wind, expansiveness.
Mountains, snow, waterfall, strength.
Trees, nests, leaves,
                                   Fall,
                                           Fall,
                                                   Ground, dirt, people, animals,
And as I sit to wonder and wander in these things,
Here with my paper and pen,
Lying in a hammock,
Thinking, pondering, wondering,
Done.

Answer me,
Look into my eyes when you speak to me,
Or I to you,
Let me know how you feel,
Talk to me please,
And secrets of us only,
For us.

Maybe later we will understand,
The thoughts in each other's heads,
With out the use of frustration,
To convey our empty hearts,
And our empty hands.

Let the space in our hearts,
Be expressed out in the air,
Like the visible breath on a winters day.

And the space between our fingers,
Be told like fable,
And filled with each other's stories.

It has been six or seven years now,
Since that day I signed the papers,
Giving my life away,
Literally,
My brother and I,
Finally find a home,
To stay,
To be loved,
Even if I don't always like my "new" family,
I know that I'm loved,
And that makes me smile.

Like the biggest problem in my life,
This feeling of "Tell me whats going to happen NOW!",
I hate not knowing, I hate waiting, I hate not having you,
And I yell, and I stay up late,
Laying there, thinking,
Why, or how or when....
And I yell at other people for absolutely no reason,
And I curse at everyone and everything,
I try to take my mind off of it,
By writing, or skating, or playing the guitar...
Which I **** at all of those things,
Which makes me angrier that I am so stupid,
That I can't just respect your decision of waiting,
But to tell you the truth it kills me,
It literally kills me,
And I'm sorry.

"Imagination is greater than knowledge." - Einstein

Why is the bird able to fly,
When it can always crash?
Why is it able to go so high,
Only to come down and be smashed?

The bird I found,
Probably a Robin I think.
Was killed from a hound,
Or some other natural thing,
Either way it was downed.

My thoughts said to bury it,
Let it Rest In Peace,
But I couldn't come to bear it,
And instead let it be.

Then I realized one thing,
A price is to paid for living,
Everything that goes up must come down,
And ultimately we all have to come to grips,
When death comes around.

I am still in my past,
I realized after much thought,

That is all I do any more,
Is think,
Thinking still even now,
For words to contain...
My,
Sorrow,
Pain,
Heartache,

I am still in my past,
I realized after much thought...

Your looks of jealousy,
They haunt me,

"It was for the best,"
But are you back to stay,

Or are you like a fleeting dove,
On the wind,
Also known as my heart...

My past haunts me...
Like a ghost in my head...
Someone exorcise these demons...
My past,
Like a crumpled up *** of paper in my trash bin....
So many good ideas,
So why did I throw them away?

You made your decision,
Now I'm making mine...

She is just a corpse now,
Skipping class,
She doesn't care if she'll pass.

He is wondering away,
Being called things like '******' and 'gay',
Oh the power of words he realized,
Right before he pulled that trigger, tied that noose, sharpened that blade.

She walks lonely, her mind filled with thoughts,
All of them slow, Idealistic,
And yet no one will listen.

For him it was the words,
For her the thoughts,
That drove them both insane, mad, crazy,
Drove them both to suicide.

But both had something in common,
They are both no longer alive.

My love is given to her,
The one who holds my heart,
Or maybe the one who wants it back...

"Who?", you ask,
As for me, I give no response,
I need time to think, to ponder...

"What are you going to do?", you ask,
As for me I have no answer,
I need sleep and a serendipity...

Someone else make these decisions for me,
No not the one who holds my heart,
Nor the one who wants it back...

But as for me, I give no attempt,
No, no I do not try to get her back,
The one who wants my heart back...

Because although I forgave her,
When she left me,
It didn't break my heart, it broke my empathy...

And as for the one who holds my heart,
I hope she puts the pieces of me together again,
Before I make the wrong (or maybe right) decision...

sure it was the worst of times
it was also the best

sure i broke hearts
but found one that is made of silver

sure im confused
but i still had dreams about you

sure this poem makes no sense
but it will to you

for her eyes shone like the moon light
and her feet quick as the wind
but she still felt empty
as if his presence made her full
of stars and dreams of holding hands
and still all she wanted...
was to sleep

When you whisper in my ear
And kiss me when no one is looking
I tell myself I got it made
Even though I haven't slept in days

How do you do it?
Making me feel this way,
Still I wonder while dreaming of you when I should be sleeping
And my heart is out on the pavement

Maybe if you come this way,
I 'll put it back in my chest
'Cuz if you ever left,
It wouldn't break my heart
It'd break my torso...

Eight Months Clean

I love you.

thanks for encouraging my imagination and creativity
when you basically told me i *******

Like a hot stove
You burned me
And still
I wanted more of you
Like a suicidal star
Super nova of love

Where did the time go
When you were on top of me?
And still we laid there loving
And laughing
Until someone caught us

Your lips curved like a crescent moon
Your hips also
Will it be soon
You ask
My reply
It will
Then when will we leave
Soon I say
Again
With more force
And yet we never left

Tomorrow we will leave school and go to the woods
Tomorrow I will take your hand in mine
Tomorrow I will love you like no other
Tomorrow I will forget my spirit
Tomorrow I will be with, in, on, for you
Tomorrow I will give you a letter
Explaining my love

Dark, melancholy story of a shadow.

on the bus
your hands met mine
our bodies touched
that trip was one of my favorites

on the bus
when we kissed
*******
your mouth covered mine

on the bus
we didn't care who looked
dubstep in our ears
you are mine

forever

on the bus

Thinking
Thinking
Waking up
Thinking
Eating breakfast
Thinking
Doing schoolwork
Thinking
Why can't I stop thinking
Because its in me
My natural inclination
Thinking
Still thinking
Please just stop
Then
Silence
As a another thought
RUSHES THROUGH MY HEAD

Your life poetry is calling my name
And like the pen in my hand
You scribble away at my heart

My lonely heart
My oh so lonely heart
You took me in

How could I ever repay you for that
Never could I
Or will I ever

See your body like the paper I doodle on
The oh so fragile body that you have marked
With tattooed arms and legs

And pierced ears and lips
So unnatural
You call my name

My lonely heart
Oh my oh so lonely heart
Is broken for you

Just because
You put spaces in the middle
Of your sentences
Does not give you
The right to call it
Poetry

her body up against mine
we are in the woods
and its dark

your lips taste like cherry lip gloss
and all i can think is 'oh ****'
but you whisper in my ear
secrets not to be contained

I meant it when I said I
Love you

please, tell me you love me
that you'll never leave
perhaps
i'll stay too

I start writing
I express my life
If only
You could see
Me for who
I am

She ran like the whiskey down my throat
Every day I craved more of her
And yet she left my mouth dry