She strides down the street,
Holds that cancer stick up to her mouth,
Takes a deep breath in,
Filling her lungs with lethal smoke,
Gradually rotting away her
Interior.

Her heart beats out of her chest.
[A heart divided between two hearts.]

He’s waiting at the street corner
Between the alley of lust and the
Path of ignorance.
She sees his silhouette in the
Distance, a dark apparition.
Her heart leaps out of her chest,
Towards him,
Reaching for him,
Propelling her to him.

She had absolutely no control over the matter.

The other man she loves is home
Alone, waiting for her too.
Moments ago, he
Held her in his arms,
Kissed her goodbye,
Told her to hurry back soon.
“I love you.”
“I love you, too” - the words
Suddenly conveyed
No meaning to her.
She told him she was
Running an errand, when,
In reality,
She was running away
From him.

[A heart divided between two hearts
Can never really be a heart.]

His love suffocates her.
His love drowns her
In its constancy,
In its predictability.
With him, she feels like a
Bird with its wings ripped off.
Held captive, in a wire cage.

[A heart divided between two hearts
Can never beat the way it should.]

How can a woman with two men
Who love her
Feel so
Staggeringly
Alone?
Who will love her until their
Disintegrating hearts turn into
Simply dust.

[A heart divided between two hearts
Can never really keep from rupturing,
Infecting the body with its own poisons.]

So she lets her underground lover
Envelop her in his arms
And kiss her until both of their lips
Are numb,
Until they both want more.
Until they cannot restrain themselves.

His love releases her out of her
Cage, allows her to fly once again.
The passion of these moments
Will never be forgotten.
His love brings the roses back to
Her lifeless cheeks, brings life
Back to the void inside her.

And, his love allows her
To fly back home, once again,
Straight into the arms of the
Man who is her keeper.

i was 23 in the middle of winter there was a sound like creaking the whole world was hot and nothing was at the same time everything came stiffly in your mouth and you




                                                      swallowed

ghosts ran down the halls
i heard their footsteps
echoing
echoing
echoing
in my mind

i hate the word cried
and the implication of that word
but i cried
because those ghosts
reminded me of what i could have been
and do not make me proud
of who i am

my confidence
is in shambles,
scattered across my bedroom floor
every broken shard
telling me that i’m stupid
“you stupid,
dumb,
ungrateful,
naive little girl.
you are NEVER
going to amount to anything more”

and sometimes those ghosts
become real
murmured quietly (unrelenting)
from the lips
of friends
of strangers
of teachers
of demons
ripping at my being
and telling me i’m not worthy

but i am
I am
I AM.

and who the **** is to tell me that i’m not.

Give me solace and release me from this world,

Rest at last from the constant, aching reminder of all that is lost now,

Whatever powers up there that be, please now set me free,

In these final hours as I lay here with heavy, weighted breath,

If not, if my end must prolong much further here then please,

Give me forgiveness for my countless sins, offences against all I touch,

Every life that has suffered or fallen in my name or in memory of me,

All the ******, burning battlefields left in my unwilling wake,

Let me know that all now be at peace and live peacefully as I, no more,

But no, you will not be so gentle and kind, you never are,

As always, you choose to let me suffer through it all, even in death,

You won’t give me peace or release from it all, now, of course not,

You give me guilt.

Your eyes are like the ocean,
Vast, and pretty blue,
My eyes have one intention,
They’re only set on you,
I love you more than anything,
I know you feel the same,
The most beautiful girl in the world,
And she’s driving me insane,
I can’t even focus,
Can’t conjure up a phrase,
I could go on and on,
And talk of you for days,
Absolute perfection,
And every bit of my,
Love is summed up in four letters,
J-o-d-i

If i could draw back the curtains and stay in the trance
The rain droplets would fall and we would dance
we would dance among the tears of old hearts from long gone lovers.
Teaching us the rules of coercion as they role down our shivering bodies.
Moistening our clothes to stick to us like our kisses
We choose not to listen because they don't understand our connection.
The Integration of two explosive mathmatical functions
Conjunctioned links of trust that run between us that even the great code breakers couldn't fracture it.
The sensibility and passion I see on the canvases that you percieve the world with.
Stakes my drifting desires for anything more than to just be with you .

i wonder how it will all end.
will it be warm? will it be cold?
will i be trapped? will i be free?
i wonder how it will be.

i wonder how it will feel.
to leave this world and never return,
will it feel dreamlike, or feel too real?
i wonder how it will feel.

i wonder what sights ill see
will they exist to others?
or will they serve to amaze just me?
i wonder what sights ill see.

i wonder today but someday ill know,
i wish its all whats hyped up to be.
needless to rush, ill take it slow.
i wonder today but someday ill know.

Your pupils are black holes
and they tug and they tug at me
like how a tornado tugs at the gutter on the side of a tin roof house
in the middle of Oklahoma.
But instead of a gutter and rain
it's blood funneled through my veins
and instead of blood,
it's liquid love.

You're broken
and I like that and how I can just
wedge myself into the valleys of your cracked up porcelain skin
because I am, I am liquid love
and its a simple fact that liquids spread to fill the space in which they are.
Even a river.
But here's a little disclaimer: I never cared much about science.
I was only really interested in our chemistry.

And here is a little exclamation: I don't know anything!
Except that your bruises are actually interstellar clouds
and that spot right under your fingernail is the most comfortable bed of all.

I like how you're covered in speckles like a knock-off Jackson *******.
But instead of freckles they are constellations
and I am a quasi-astronomer artist who believes more in zodiac compatibility
than Attiyah's Sun theory.

I think this poem is unravelling
like that sweater I left in your house once
and I think and I think and I think
these last few stanzas are the loose string.

But that's okay because we're falling apart anyway
like the pages out of my old sketchbook from ninth grade.
But that doesn't stop me from pretending that
you're a Gothic cathedral and I'm a hopeless romantic
in the middle of an architectural revival.

And that doesn't stop you from getting drunk
getting drunk off that fermenting liquid love.
And that doesn't stop our hair from growing or
the universe from expanding or
people from living in the core of tornado alley or
you from lining my heart, my heart with the pages
you ripped right out of my diary.

They try
To lure me
Back
Like I
Was so overjoyed
The first time around
I know they saw
How broken
My face looked
And I just repeat myself
Over and over
No
I can't
Because there's too much
At stake
There is no reason
Good enough
To ever go back
I just want to be with him
Cuddle close
Fearless and strong
Growing to be better
With him by my side.