Numb?

Numb* means no pain.
Numb means no sadness.
Numb means no fear.

Numb?

Well.
Numb means happiness.

Numb only applied to the things that didn't make you feel good inside.
That made the ground crumble beneath your feet.
It applies to the things that made you cry at night, to the reasons there were slits on your wrists.

Numb meant your loneliness proceeded to not exist.
Numb meant you weren't the only one facing the world,
(a world so cold, yet equally sympathetic.)
Numb meant you didn't need pills to make you happy, or shall I say, feel less worthy of life.

and all of my demons?
they look just
like
you.

Once angelic, now sounds like nails screeching against a chalkboard.

What if maybe, you'll bump into some girl at a coffee shop, and she'll apologize continuously about spilling on your cloud white shirt, the one you just bought a couple of days before, and you'll grab her silky soft hand to assure her its okay. Then she'll offer you a cup of coffee "on the house" or maybe even a cuppachino, and you'll gladly accept, amused by the sparkles in her eyes, and how her smile lights up a room, and you'll offer her a seat, even pull her chair out, like the gentleman you are, and you'll talk and talk and talk and talk. Talk about stupid stuff. Random stuff. About work, or how she loves chocolate ice-cream, and you'll laugh, laugh 'till your tummies ache, and before you know it, you'll realize you're in love.

And I'll be here.
Waiting.
Only to realize,
the girl you loved,
wasn't me.

:smile.
:but I can't.
:why?
:cause then it'll mean I'm happy.
:what's wrong with being happy?
:the fact that I'm actually sad.
:sad?
sad from?
:life.
:life.
what about life?
:the fact that I can't end it.
:why would you wanna end life?
:it was never my choice to begin it.
:therefore not your choice to end it either, right?
:the same man that ends the war, is not the same man who begun it.
:silence?
*:thought so.

And as much as they tell us to be ourselves.
That what?
"Everybody else is taken."

God knows who told them that everybody else was who you wanted to be.

and i wish i knew
how to love you
back