Takot ka?
Sabihin mo sakin Takot ka ba?

Hindi tayo isang pelikula na ginawa para mag paiyak ng batang madaling mapaniwala.
Hindi tayo pag susulit sa matematika na gustong iwasan ng lahat sa takot na bumagsak sila.

Oo takot ka.
Ako din naman.

Nanginginig ang kamay ko sa takot na baka kahit piling piling mga salita ang gamitin ko ay mali parin ang aking maisambit.

Hinagpis.
Hinanakit.
Kapit.
Kaya pa ba?
Sabihin mo sakin kaya pa ba?

Ipagpapatuloy pa ba nating ang pag tupad sa mga pangako.
Pagtupad sa lahat ng mga "Itaga mo sa bato..."
O, iiwan nalang natin itong nakabinbin sa dating tayo.

Tayo.
Meron pa bang tayo?

Nasaan na yung ikaw at ako.
Nasaan na ang mga salitang "Hinding hindi ako magsasawa sa iyo".
Napagod ka na bang punan ang mga pagkukulang ko?
Kailan ka kaya makokontento.

Takot nakong tumingin sa karimlan ng langit na baka may isang bulalakaw ang mapadaan at hilingin kong tayo nalang palagi.
Hindi naman maari.
Napapagod din ang damdamin.
Hindi na alam ng tadhana ang gagawin.

Pagod ka na ba?
Sabihin mo sa akin pagod kana ba?

Kasi ako Oo.

Ayokong katakutan ang bukas.
Ayokong manghinayang sa kahapon.
Ngunit Mahal pagod na ako.
Pagod na ang puso matakot.
Nahihirapan na ako huminga sa hindi mo pag pansin sa patuloy kong pagkapit.
Gusto ko ng matapos ang pag hikbi.
Ano pa ba ang silbi.
Ako nalang ang natitirang sundalo.
Wala kahit na anong baril na dala.
Sugatan na tumatakbo.

Tama na.
Talo na.

Pagod na ako sa pagiging hindi sapat.
Hindi ko na mawari kung ano pa ba ang dapat.
Patawad mahal sa pag suko.
Pero eto na ata.
Tapos na ang gera sa isip at puso.
Tapos na tayo.

Mahal.
Paulit ulit na binibigkas ng mga labing di napapagod sa pag satsat.
Mga labing hindi nagsasawang ikaw ay halikan.
Halikan ang bawat sugat sa puso mo na matagal ng tinatago ng benda.

Mahal.
Saan man tayo umabot, saan man tayo matapos, kahit na mapudpod ang swelas ng ating mga sapatos.

Mahal,
Patuloy kitang mamahalin.
Huminto man tayo.
Sabi nga nila Normal naman ang mapagod.
Magkasabay man o hindi. May mauna o mahuli.
Patuloy nating aakyatin ang tugatok ng mundo.  
Ang mundong iniiukutan ng mga puso nating patuloy tayong pinag tatagpo.

Mahal.
Humihingi ako ng pabor.
Hawakan mo ako.
Higpitan ang kapit sa aking mga braso.
Wag mo ako hayaang makatakbo.
Dahil darating ang araw na bigla nalang luluwag ang iyong kapit.
At hindi ko mapapansin na mag isa nalang akong nag lalakbay papunta sa hangganan ng ating pagmamahalan.

Mahal,
Hindi man ito ang tamang panahon.
Sinusubok man tayo ng kalupitan ng mundo.

Mahal,
Balikan mo ako.
Ibalik mo ako sa higpit ng yakap mo.
Ibalik mo ako sa mga inosenteng halik ng iyong labi.
Ibalik mo ako.
Ibalik mo ako sa pag kakakulong sa iyong puso.

Mahal,
Mahirapan ka man.
Nakikiusap ako.
Mahalin mo akong muli.

Ano na gagawin natin?
Pagod kana ba?
Mag papahinga ba muna tayo?
O pag-ibig ang magiging pahingahan natin?

Apat na natatanging sagot na hindi ko masagot.
Ngunit kailangan ko.

"Gusto mo na ba mag pahinga?" Aniya.

Hindi ako napapagod.
Ayoko lang mapagod ng husto.

Mahal, hindi ako titigil.
Hindi naman kita kakalimutan,
Kailangan lang talaga natin mag pahinga.
Ipahinga ang mga puso nating kinatatakutan kong mapagod.

Ayokong maubos ang pagmamahal ko.
Kailangan ko lang muna maging buo.
Kailangan bumalik tayo sa dati.
Kailangan natin ulit maging bago.

Yung gaya ng tayo noon.
Walang kahit ano at sino ang nakakapag pa hinto.
Hindi na tatakot sumugal.
Hindi iniisip ang mangyayari na pano kung ganyan,
Na paano kung ganito.

Ayokong aalis ako kung kelan wala na.
Yung matapon ang dating puno.
Maging abo ang dating nag aalab.
Mag papahinga lang ako habang mahal padin kita.

Mahal, wag ka masanay na wala ako.
Wag **** kakalimutan na sayo at saiyo parin uuwi at igagapos ang mga braso.
Tanging mga labi mo padin ang hahanapin ko.

Babalik ako ng buong buo,
Handa na muli sa kahit ano.
Babalik ako ng hindi nag babago ang ritmo ng puso.
Babalik ako na Ikaw parin ang tanging kanta na aawitin nito.

Mag kikita tayong muli.
Mag hahawak ng kamay.
Ngingiti at tatawa.

Mahal, ayoko lang mapagod kung kailan malapit na tayo sa dulo.
Ayokong masayang ang lahat.
Ayokong mawala ang Ikaw at ako.

Babalik tayo.
Kasi ayun ang mangayayari.
Naka tadhana na iyon.
Tayo naman lagi.
Tayo lang palagi.

Babalik ako sa kung saan tayo ay mga bata pa
Nag lalaro, tumatakbo, tumatawa
Walang iniisip na problema
At may mga ngiting walang katumbas
Na nakikita sating mukha.

Isang umaga ang hindi ko nalimutan
Yung araw na nalaman ko na ikaw ay may pag tingin pala,
Tumingin ako sayo
Napatingin sa mga ngiti mo
Na parang nakuha ang inaasam asam niyang regalo sa pasko
Habang ika'y ay bahagyang yumuko at umiiwas na makita ko
Mga mata natin ay nag tagpo
Diko alam aking sasabihin
Gusto ko itanong sayo kung bakit ako,
Ngunit walang salita ang lumalabas sa mga labi ko.

Ilang umaga ang nagdaan na palaging tumitingin sa langit at ngumingiti sa araw
Pumipikit at dinadama ito na parang na sisilaw sa angkin nitong ningning
Iniisip kung ikaw ay makikita.
Kaya't dali daling papasok sa eskwela
Tingin doon, tingin dito
"Nasan ka ba" ang tatlong salita na laging sinasambit tuwing hinahanap ka.

Tuwing tayo ay nag kakasalubong
Parang may kuryente na sa katawan ko'y tumatakbo.
Ngingiti tayo sa isa't isa
Na parang mga batang binigyan ng sorbetes
At natuwa sa kung gaano ito katamis.

Tatapusin ko na itong tula na aking ginawa
Ito nga pala ang isa sa magagandang bagay na nangyari saking pag kabata.
Limang taon na ang nakalipas .

Tulad ng isang magandang bulaklak na nalanta sa hardin ng mahal kong lola
May bagay na hindi tumatagal gaya ng ating inaakala.
Isang paru-paro ang nakita kong  nakadapo sa nag hihikahos na puting rosas ang naka lagay sa kanyang paso.

Napaisip ako,
pano kapag ako naman ang nawala?

May mga tao bang magbibigay pansin?
May mga dati bang kaibigan na dadating?
May mga tao bang iiyak dahil sa aking pag lisan?
O ang mga mata ko ang luluha dahil sariling multo ko lang ang nakiramay.

"Bago yan ah"* aniya ng makita ang converse kong pula.

Wala eh, wala nako maisip para makuha ang antensyon mo, mapansin mo.
Naubos nga lahat ng ipon ko para sa sapatos na to.
Balita ko kasi mahilig ka daw sa kulay pula at nangongolekta ka daw ng mga branded na sapatos.

Ako yung tipong hindi maganda namay porselanang kutis gaya ng iba.
Hindi katangkaran, pero pwede nadin para sa isang kolehiyala.
Walang bag na ang tatak ay Guess,
At magagandang damit na galing sa Mall.

Simple lang ako, laging may hawak na libro.
Nalilimutan mag suklay dahil baka maiwan ng jeep papuntang terminal ng LRT.
Hindi naliligo sa pabango na padala galing abrod.
At higit sa lahat, hindi nag susuot ng ibang sapatos bukod sa pinag lumaan kong rubber shoes.

"Converse yan diba?" Dagdag niya ng hindi ako sumagot sa pag pansin niya.

Ang totoo ay hindi ko alam ang sasabihin.
Hindi ko alam pano ibubuka ang mga bibig at sasagot ng "Oo, buti naman napansin mo".
Wala ako lakas ng loob.

Tanging pag tango nalang ng ulo ang  kilos na kayang gawin ng katawan ko.

Kumaripas ako ng pag lakad papunta sa silya sa dulo ng masikip na klasrum.

Nag simula ang klase.
Hindi ako maka pokus sa sinasabi ng Prof patungkol sa "Theory of relativity" ni Einstein.

Tumititig sa wall clock sa taas ng pisara na kinatatayuan ni Ma'am Montemayor.

Sa wakas biglang tumunog ang bell na nag sasabing tapos na ang klase.

Palabas na ako nang muli mo kong tawagin.

"Hi, pwede ba ako sumabay sayo mag lakad papunta sa Math class?alam mo naman ayaw ni Sir. Henry ng late" pabiro **** sinabi.

Wala nakong nasabi kundi ang mga katagang "Okay lang naman".

Tinatago ang ngiti na gusto ng mag kumawala, habang nag iisip at nag papasalamat sa Converse kong Pula.

Imposible, malabo, walang tiyansa, ano pa? Anong salita pa ang mag lalarawan ng "tayong dalawa".

Parang pag kidlat at pag kulog habang tirik na tirik ang araw,
Parang pag kakaroon ng trentay dos na bilang sa kalendaryo,
Ang pag tubo ng rosas sa malamig na semento
At pag kakaron ng dagat sa isang malawak na disyerto.

Alam kong wala, walang pag asa.
Hindi maari.

Pero tulad ng pag tatagpo ng araw at buwan isang beses sa mahabang panahon.
May pinanghahawakan ako,
Isang araw, Balang araw
Pag tatagpuin tayo ng tadhana
Sa di inaasahang lugar at panahon.
Tibok nalang ng ating mga puso
ang mag didikta na tayo talaga,
ang naka laan para sa isat isa.

Gabi-gabi
Araw-araw
Segusegundo kong nag tatanong babalik pa kaya tong taong to.

Mag iipon pa kaya kami ng mga tansan galing sa soft-drinks na sabay naming iniinom.
Mag lalakad pa kaya kami habang may hawak hawak na fishball at kwek-kwek galing sa kanto ng Santa Rosario.

"Oy nasan kana?"
"Eto na pabalik na diyan, wait lang"

Ang madalas na usapan namin pag umaalis siya ng biglaan sa skwela.

Hindi abot akalain na hanggang ngayon nag tatanong parin ako nasan kana.
Para nakong sirang plaka sa paulit ulit na pag sasabi sa sarili ko ng "Babalik yan"

Sanay naman na ko eh.
Yung aalis ka bigla.
Ngunit nag bago ata ang ihip ng hangin.

Hindi kana bumalik,
Hindi ka manlang nag sabi ng "Wait lang".

Minsan iniisip ko padin na makikita kita.
Sa kalsada ng kung saan man.
Tatanungin kang muli,
"San ka ng galing?"

Ngunit hindi ko na aantayin ang sagot mo.
Lalakad ako at aalis.
*Hindi na muling magtatanong sayo.

One day,
He got Her Daisies and Daffodils.
Wrapped out of the most lustrous paper.
Thorns, dead leaves, butterflies, he didn't mind.
He got her attention and kiss her lip-locked.

Between darkness and diurnal,
They are dancing beneath the tranquil sky.
He got her to love him.
Hurt, pain, sacrifice, she didn't mind.
He was hers that night and the day after that.

Night collapsed, days gone by.
She was oblivious.
He was not around.
She was herself.
He was not.
It turned to a make believe facade.

A dead romance.
A broken vow.
How could be once inseparable
Is now fragmented and hopeless.
How could the love have departed and shuttered into pieces.

The flowers have died.
The sky turned blue and gray at night,
Even morning scares her now.
She let him go.
He didn't chase her back.

Ten steps.
Sitting on the staircase.

The night before/
I wrote something about you.
You.
I mumbled your name with the words, 'I need to let go of you'

Burnt my journals and turn it to ashes.
All the words I offered for you,
Are now invisible in everyone's eyes.

I'm crying myself on the pillow that keeps me accompanied every night and day.

Last night was the last time.
Last night was the night I forgave you.
Last night was the night I Held my heart. It was crumpling like a scratch paper.
Last night was the night I told myself 'heart, stop hurting. Stop waiting. He's not coming back'.

I wished last night/
'Fate. Can you please stay me away from him. Im begging you not to make our eyes meet. Please'

The morning after/
Ten steps.
Sitting on the staircase.

Ten steps.
Me and Him.
So near yet so far

Unknown direction, the stroke of his hair.
Innocent smile.
The forming thin line, his lips.
Looking down.
Yes, he's socially awkward.  

Good morning Fate/
I just want to ask you. What are you trying to say?

Now/
I'm hurting. I'm waiting.  

Fate, Make him look up, make our Eyes meet? Please.

Morning breeze
Rustle of leaves
Feet intertwined

Smell of pancakes
Hot coffee
Lips that inch away with mine

Comforting duvet
Soft pillows
Fingers tracing patterns on my cheek

Sun rays
Brush of your breath
"Wake up beautiful"

Opening my eyes thinking,
'I would never wanted to wake up with someone else, just you.'

His face silhouettes in the dark sky.

Im on his lap studying him.

His eyes blending in the beauty of the stars, the steadiness of it. So pristine.

He looks at me in nonchalant manner.

The necessity of kissing him and feel his warmth makes my way up to his lips.

Paroxysm in the way he holds me is noticeable.

"I love you" he whispers, the words takes it way from my ear to the heart inside my body, my heart.

"I love you too" Open-and-shut.
Henceforth, I'am certain.

Same star
Different perspective
Same beat of heart
Different kind of love
Same feelings
Different person
You were loved by me
And She was loved by you.

I never proposed myself to be someone else and
The conception of being the best.
Perpending myself "why Not me"
There's an answer. I know. Don't speak words about it.

I don't have any words from you
You can't sing a song for me.
You'll never think of it.
You can't write things about me.
You'll never think of it.
I hate the way your words keep me safe
And the sight of me as nonentity
Leaving me cold and floating dead in the sea

Frantic.
I don't want you to open your eyes seeing me so worried
Angst.
Morbid, that's morbid.
Why the "other" is always better
Your eyes never landed on mine.
My eyes, my eyes that bursting on love and desire.

This ain't just love
This ain't just jealousy
This is something
This is something you need to see

My heart speaks the language of love
That will never be heard
The feelings,
My feelings, it's weary.
Flying in the surface of fire
Soon it will be burned, that'll the ashes mix in the air.

And there's nothing.

Nothing. I hope you won't regret the things you barely knew. Just lie to yourself I don't want you to feel hurt or bad. That's all I can give to you, My love.

Tangina ayoko na

Sun rays that tracing every little contour of your lips
Looking at them makes me weak
That way how you stop yourself from smiling
Makes me lost, lost in my own reverie

Will never have a chance to touch or even kiss them,
Those lips that never wish to meets mine
And feel the indescribable love that I can't tell.

The depth of my own thoughts and feelings practically swallowed me.
You shouldn't have been there to save me.  
After I ensconced myself in the darkest part of the cave.
You brought a flambeau and held my hand to bring me on the other side, you hugged me tight, enough to feel your heart that frantically beating.
I tend to rode on a bike without a break.
I went downhill to crash myself in.
I failed.
I saw a rope connecting on you  
And noticed you hardly twisting your arms to pull me up.
Everything is an utter vague in my eyes and coated with grim which is the life,
Before you showed up with a smile
Telling me to fall in love with sunrise
And wait until sunset while our hands tracing patterns and stopping the tick tock of the clock.
Everything is forthright with you.

I painted my nails blue so every time you're holding it.
It's like you're dipping your hands in the depth of a rare blueberry ocean.  

While on the other hand, it was ice mint so you don't have to look for antartic ocean. It's now beneath your hands.

As I stare into darkness
The only light is Fire.
My eyes, it's burning in my eyes.

Red.
I can see nothing but Courage.
I can see Life and Death.
It is a diversion to those who kneel before their God(s).

Orange.
It is the color of Sunset.
It is the color of Sunrise
The ending has Arrived, A new beginning will Come.
It is Alpha and Omega.

Blue.
How could be the color of the Ocean is the hottest part of The Light.
Can fire Defeat the water?
It is war versus peace.

Fire is burning Red.
It is fearless.
It is dauntless.

Blue is Peace and purity,
It is Silence.

It causes the most pain and damage to those who go near it and try to touch the flame.

Can fire defeat the water?
Does bravery can break the silence?

You gave me a task
And asked me a question
What is love?
Hope my answer will be relevant to what you asked

What is love?
A person to hug?
A hand to hold?
A caring touch?
So many things love can be
But here i am searching deep within my soul

What is love?
Is it attached to things we like?
Is it inside the presents we provide?
Or is it the beauty that lies within our heart?

Love
It's like laying under the night sky staring blankly into space
Fireworks, shooting stars and astral displays
Which causes me to feel deeply like im in the best place?

This thing we call "love"
Provides us peace
Makes us feel alive
Fuels our hopes and dreams
Just like gasoline that mobilizes a car

My heart wasnt prepared
Tho it knows what is love
It fueled up my soul
Now i know it's true love
..
..
You My Darling
Who fuels up my soul
Guides my path straight and true
*Will be and always will be
The meaning of Love to Me.

Every dream has its own story.
Sometimes there's like a deja vü and sometimes like a premonition.
But there's only one thing that a dream can assure us.
That even we're asleep our minds are on journey and where the one who's controlling it.
It can be fear.
It can be happiness.
Or something that we really wanted.

So Im asking myself every time I dream of you.

Am I scared to lose you?
Am I happy that I have you?
Or I love you?

.... maybe because I loved you.

Today is normal
Nothing's special
I heard your voice
I played your songs
Letting it be recorded
At my own cassette,
My heart, my mind and soul.

The thought of life
The killer,
The murderer
**** me, **** me
Stop punishing me.
Don't make me gasp for the air.
Shoot me in the head.
Hit me with a cargo truck.
Make me cry no more.

Tears are filling my eyelids,
The fear terrorizing my body.

Im shaking.
Make me stop

Make me sleep.
Im begging for a dream.

End.
End this.
End me.

Why did you gave me all those smiles, laughs and touch?
But you know you'll be gone.
There's no enough words can explain how much I love you.
How you really mean to me.

You're too far, mines day, yours night.
Sky is the only same thing we can see together
I wish you're smiling at the stars above
While I'm hoping you're here with me tracing the rays of the sun on your comely face
That never get tired to make me fall in love.

I can remember your eyes, Dark brown eyes
Seeing you staring at me.
forcing the time to stop and the world to stay still, so the hug that I will give, will keep you safe with me.

Thinking the whole time that I'm not gonna let you go, but I can't.

I'll miss everything about you,
Every little things you do.
From making me deeply in love
Until when my tears rolling their way down my cheeks,
My cheeks that once you've kissed.

Gravity keeps our feet on the ground.
But when I got to know you,
I never felt my feet touched the coldness of what's below.

I like how cars bringing me home as fast as they can so I can lay on my bed and sleep.
Now that Im with you inside the car, I just don't want the roads to end.
I don't want my bed,
I want your kisses on my forehead.

It's like a
psychiatric ward here.

Which is a good thing.

Everyday I wander. Asleep or awake.
Everyday I wonder. If I'm asleep or awake.

Walking on rocks and water
Running a mile or so.

I never get tired.
I never get tired.
I will never get tired.

(UN)LOST

I
cry
In
the
Gap
Of
Our
Lips

As my heart is as big as my hand, they said.

Maybe that’s the reason I think all my
characteristics are visible to an eye,
Who wants to see it.

Study how my hands resembles my entirety.
Look closer, look a little closer and you will see.

Hold me and you could feel my heart.

Because as they said,
My Heart Is As Big As My Hand,
And they are the same.