you were my first everything
but to you i was just another blip
                                                      wasn’t­ i?

you say i was different

i probably wasnt

in a few months time you’ll forget me

i dont think im being naive
i dont think im attached because of the firsts

i think im attached because of the words
because of the things you said
the love that poured from your mouth
the pure honeysickle, the chocolate that you dont like

the things you said that i’d never ever heard before

not said to me

not ever said to me.

the way you touched me

as though the sun shined through my “ridiculous tan”
as though the stars rushed through my veins
the cool ones on my eyelids i showed you
“let me see them again”
your image is burned behind them

like your name

your hair

your beautiful hair

i’d show you anything
i showed you everything

i know it wasnt a lie
no one’s that good an actor
not even gerard butler or your friend steven

you loved me

you love me?

you kissed me like it was our last every time
until it was
or was it?

the way you spoke
the things you said
straight out of a book on romance and love and romance again

beautiful
stunning
gorgeous
perfect

all words that never really applied to me
     -     they applied to you
but you didnt believe me
                                      you never once believed me.
                                      not about this.
                                      the most important thing.

almost like the phantom.

you were the phantom and i was christine

at least in your eyes

your beautiful storm eyes a girl could get lost in

i did get lost

i am lost

lost in you
lost in you and your eyes
     -     you and your hair
     -     you and your smile
     -     you and your legs
     -     your skin
     -     the patch above your hip
     -     the space near your…

despite the laughs we shared
the agreement on being friends
i dont know if i can

i have to but i dont know if i can

i dont know if i can forget you
you and your everything

your perfect everything,
     -     even if you never believed it