the cold wind bit my cheeks and turned them red
and in a wise way she said
"when i was in high school i was completely in love with this boy Derek, then he broke up with me and i thought i could never go on. i smothered him too much with my love."

my eyes well up with tears because i dont want to hear it
because when i see him it feels like i swallowed burning coals
and they burn low in my gut for 2.5 hours

maybe i didnt give him enough love
maybe i respected his personal space and wishes too much
maybe i didnt give him enough attention

and the low burn is back again
my knees are weak
i feel sick

its feels like the end of the world because hes okay and im still here waiting for him to come back
but i know ill be okay in time
no matter how much i deny it