They warn us that fever travels in the air, so women pull the shutters closed and keep children out of the empty, heady streets. Grandpa tries to assure me we are safe, that yellow fever will stop when the ports close. He never speaks of how the victims suffer, shuts the curtains against my anxious eyes as the bodies are removed, but rumors catch the breezes, too.
Vomiting, bleeding from the nose and mouth, the eyes yellow, and then victims reach out in a last fit of delirium, demanding forgiveness from God’s wrath as He turns them the sallow shade of the September sun. This is the color of a body when salvation fractures from the depths of their souls.
Each day, the count of the dead rises. My cousin, the milkman, a widow down the block— all pass within hours. The Quakers deem this the Almighty’s will, his “rod.” Physicians bleed the sick, and I think not to rid them of disease, but to account for sin.
We all hope for frost. I know Grandpa will not leave the city, but I do not imagine his eyes yellowing, for pride keeps them clear of exhaustion and glaze from inviting liquor or laudanum.
My whole body sweats from dreams of corpses the color of tobacco-stained teeth, blood pouring from eyes like tears, each one dropping to the ground. I wake up, dizzy in smeared-red sheets, my nightgown smelling like a mausoleum, but I do not call for help because I’ve been waiting to look into the face of God, to see my yellowed city’s reflection.