I still avoid you in the hallways
To avoid all my inevitable nail biting
And stammering phrases

I remember how the hate coiled
In my intestines
Waiting to spring free
Out of my belly
But now the fire has subsided
And I smile and bit my lips

I still remember your birthday
And on any given day
I can recite all the late night messages you had sent me that I was too asleep to answer

And some nights I grew frantic with the knife
Trying to cut you out of my skin
That your fingerprints had so carefully engraved themselves on.

Other days I welcomed your curious stares
And our troubled conversations
Never once bringing up
How our pride had hurt each other
And how our lovesick past will always be in our minds

Another 24 hours and I go delusional
Holding your shadowed hand
And listening to your voice whisper sweet little lies in my ears.
But I hope your reality never becomes better than my imagination.

But you still avoid me in the hallways.