walking through
a shimmering testament
to applied ignorance
lights are everywhere
penetrating the darkness
i would so love to succumb to

stifling sobs because
apparently that's what dignity is
maintaining illusion
so as not to dissuade
the ones around you
those beautiful, promising
robots walking down
the cyclical path to oblivion
again and again

i'm here    and again
weeping like
a hot tea kettle and again
the dog poem
remains elusive and again
it's so sad
i'm Bukowski but
with no beauty and
too much priviledge and again
i buckle under
the enormous weight of
old age and pathetic dreams
written in sand and
dust and
sidewalk chalk
before the thunderstorm and again
propped up
by the lucky few
who witness my attempts at honesty
and again

it's the pain
on the tops of my eyeballs    it's
my hands
and right foot falling asleep    it's
westville ave at night
hoping i get shot      it's
rambling until everyone leaves and
not wanting to go anywhere
but talking it's
only being able to say
"i love you"
when drunk   it's
uncle george's silver star it's
getting close but
even inside isn't
close enough   it's
creeping                it's
fear                     it's
headaches                  it's
10 AM               it's
too much                    it's
not enough                            it's
everything                      it's
nothing                                   it's
again and
                   again and
                                       again