Its usually happens during the day, I will catch myself laughing, radiating genuine joy instead of the usual fraudulent happiness. I'll feel the relief wash over me like a wave, carrying away every dark thought i've ever had. Leaving me feeling weightless and euphoric. And in that brief moment I can finally see the rays on sunlight shining through the murkey waters of my mind. I will be overwhelmed at the concept to have finally made it. To finally see the significant beauty of life through untainted eyes.
Yet at 2am, when the worlds asleep and i'm all alone. The only company being my bedroom walls. The air will begin to thicken in my lungs, and I will forget how to breathe. The silence will scream at me as the empty walls start to close in. I will feel the numbness sink in, and it will consume me, as I let the tears fall begin to fall.
I will cry for myself, and i'll cry for everyone I love. I will cry for the ones who betrayed me, and for all the people I have betrayed. I will cry because there is nothing I can do to stop the feeling of nothingness and imense sadness hit me in these early hours. Tearing away my sanity with it's claw like nails.
And only in the early hours will I curse myself for being so niave, foolish to think I could ever escape my mind. To think that I was ever ok.
I have not been diagnosed with dysthymia, i just get sad sometimes.