im sorry i didn't answer my phone
that night. i told you "i'll only be a hour,
i promise," but you didn't inform me that you were leaving too. twenty missed calls. one text.
"i can't do this anymore, please
pick up, what do i do?"
im sorry i got mad at you that one day, screamed, left, and cried. you always told me i was too emotional and to toughen up inside. you said you'd always be by my side, although i think you failed to define always, and mention, that soon, you'd be saying goodbye.
im sorry i wasn't as bubbly as you on the days you smiled with your teeth. the days you got confident and decided you were free. the days you came and tugged my hand, got this idea, like school was something we could afford to flee.
im sorry that when i questioned
you about the cuts and bruises, i allowed you to tell me "it's nothing, don't worry about it, i'm fine."
im sorry when your mom left
you home that night, you looked
but didn't find. you said you called exactly after an hour, but i wasn't anywhere around.
im sorry they teased and picked on you, called you names, pulled your hair, and kicked you down.
im sorry, i swear i ran as fast as i could after i was done. my mile takes me ten, maybe fifteen minutes, at least.
im sorry i got there too late and understood all your pain after you put it in ink.
YOU KNOW IM NO GOOD WITHOUT YOU, GOD YOU KNOW IM ******* WEAK.
WHY DID YOU LEAVE? I CANT DO THIS ON MY OWN, DON'T YOU THINK?
im sorry... im so sorry... im right
here, you see? can we talk about this? rethink it?
just please, promise you'll visit me tonight while i sleep.
suicide is something that has a great impact on my heart and something i feel very seriously about. this is in honor of anyone who has dealt with a loss or experienced suicidal thoughts.