There are things I never told you

Like how I loved the way wrinkles formed
Around your mouth and next to your eyes
When you smiled

Or how I would pretend
To fall asleep in your arms
So you had to hold me
Just a little longer

How your voice
Made my soul shine
As you sang folk songs while you cooked

Or how it would soothe my fears
As you read to me.

There are things I never told you

Like how your stories always bore me
But I would listen anyway
Because I could see how happy it made you

Or how I hate that you will never see me marry

Or how I loved the way you would adjust how you were sitting

Or the tiredness in your voice
Early in the morning

There are things I will never get to tell you

Like how while you were sick
I didn't want to help you
Not because I didn't care
But because it wasnt you

Or how I still hear your voice
whenever I read anything

Or how when I saw you that last night
I wanted you to hug me back
I wanted you to hold me
Like you used to
So I could pretend to fall asleep
So you had to hold me
Just a little bit longer

How I still see you in my dreams
And every time I'm happy
I can feel you patting me on my back

Or every time I cry
I can hear you telling to put my chin up
'Cause crying is useless

There are things I will never get to tell you

Like how I will never love anyone
As much as I loved you