An instinctive magnet tugs me toward trusted tranquility. Know this; I’m worn... down like a cog constantly circulating digging ***** old teeth into grime chain dust grinds until dull. Mindless me crawls childish into cozy cocoon, closed lids closed curtains closed world; this personal nakedness so boldly open. A fickle fog falls feather-like upon it.
Reality rattles wrathfully. Neck cranes and cranium crashes; repetitious clock ticks times’ tongue licks as old lonely terrier beckons for reassurance. Hands tighten ears perk up just enough to capture the ghosts’ giggles and gasps in ceiling, walls. Eyes jump back forth seeing what is not. They stubbornly refuse to lock.
I froth. Heat of hell and hostile Himalayan wind. Each follicle creeps with sensation begging me for attention crawling like a rat beneath skin rug digging sharp senile claws up down around. Whole head heaves. Asteroid mattress hurdling thru heavens sans gravity. I cling. Hope for mercy is oxygen forced from lungs.
I have hatched, prematurely. Re-clothe re-hydrate re-medicate, re… ‘pray.’ I cruise about, cluttering crashing crying crawling. The surrounding world slumbers and I renegade against it, a radical revolutionary! The ropes, the chains, the weight that pin all of everything down have been shed!
…I realize that I am alone. I may never triumph, in isolation.
Vehemently, I attempt to bust back into fickle sacred place, a whir of anger and terror muttering all angry words counting in all directions all numbers combined compounded endless charts and tables fly through skull and out again in steam and sweat. Shoulders quake, ravenously rattling, an engine on last drop of gasoline.
Blurred thoughts now. What is this strange world? My anger grows confused. Waves of it crash each ninth (second, minute, time?). Periods of endless emptiness. Infrared glare lessens lucidity. Anger rises and exits as dove. Dark quiet forests rise from desolation. I sink into soft moss. Swallowed in warm soaking soil. Buried within Mother Earth’s soft embrace. Buried... Within…
The silvery steam. Settles over. This soul. I can no longer. Sense. I can no longer. Move. I can no longer. Breathe. I am. No longer. Here. I am. No longer. I.
attempt at psychoanalysis. this is a work in progress?