Aug 2014
Dear You,
I've spent a lot of different days and a lot of different nights feeling so many different things about you. There were lots of good things because when you were good, you were wonderful. However, when you were bad, it was traumatizing. It was not my skin that you bruised, it was my heart.
At first, I thought it was unfair that you decided to disappear for three days, leaving me worried and upset, or that when you came back, you left me for reasons that I soon learned were lies when you had a new girl two days later. I thought it was unfair when you stood me up the first time. But when I was sitting by myself in a booth at 12:30 p.m on a Tuesday afternoon because you decided to stand me up for the second time, when I was letting you in to my heart again, that was truly the most unfair moment of my entire life.
The hardest part of everything that happened is that I feel like I lost someone. We were not like this in the beginning...you were not like this. You changed into someone who I could no longer recognize and the truth is that you were probably always the same person just putting on a show for me, telling me all the right things, kissing me all the right ways and making me feel all the right feelings. I stopped being angry at you and I just started missing the boy I thought you were when I first met you at that party, when you put your arm around me and I felt special. You have to be quite the horrible person to treat me how you treated me and I don't understand why I deserved it. Well, I didn't and I hope that one day, you'll wake up or sip your french vanilla coffee or put on your shoes and suddenly realize that I didn't deserve what you did. I hope at in this moment you'll miss me. All I ever did was fall for you which I didn't know was such a crime.
I feel like a fool for giving you more chances than you deserved and it stings remembering how you just threw them away. You purposely set out to hurt me, maybe not in the beginning, but by the end it was intentional. It ***** being on both ends of your tricks, being the girl you ditched for another and being the girl that you ditched someone else for. I never knew what you were doing until it all unraveled in front of me.
Just so you know, you may have broken my heart and shattered my trust and every time I have plans with someone I'm going to be afraid that they are not going to show up but I'm still going to go. You didn't shatter who I am as a person and I'm not going to let you destroy my hope that someone else will treat me better than you did. Someone once told me that if I don't want to get hurt then I need to put a wall up and be cold to people trying to break it down but I don't believe them anymore. I want to wear my heart on my sleeve and I want to give people chances and second chances and hell, third chances even, because in the end, if I loved, that's all that matters and sometimes that's all you can do. You can't make someone love you. I can make you into poetry, but I cannot make you love me. I cannot make you come back and I don't want to anymore, anyway. I'm letting you go, not for you, for me, because I get it, you don't want me in your life, I just need to stop hoping that one day you will. I'm leaving you behind and I'm not ever coming back. You don't deserve it. You didn't deserve my hand, or my lips, or my heart and you especially didn't deserve all my tears because I shouldn't be crying over someone like you.
Just like you did, I took a small piece of your heart as well and it's always going to be there. You're always going to be a part of me. You're always going to be a little piece of who I am tomorrow. It sounds cliche but you taught me a lot and I'm always going to carry those lessons with me. Your intentions might have been to break me down until there was nothing left but no one can break my happiness and no one, not even you, especially not you, can break my love.
Goodbye.
Sincerely,
Me
I've spent a lot of different days and a lot of different nights feeling so many different things about you. There were lots of good things because when you were good, you were wonderful. However, when you were bad, it was traumatizing. It was not my skin that you bruised, it was my heart.
At first, I thought it was unfair that you decided to disappear for three days, leaving me worried and upset, or that when you came back, you left me for reasons that I soon learned were lies when you had a new girl two days later. I thought it was unfair when you stood me up the first time. But when I was sitting by myself in a booth at 12:30 p.m on a Tuesday afternoon because you decided to stand me up for the second time, when I was letting you in to my heart again, that was truly the most unfair moment of my entire life.
The hardest part of everything that happened is that I feel like I lost someone. We were not like this in the beginning...you were not like this. You changed into someone who I could no longer recognize and the truth is that you were probably always the same person just putting on a show for me, telling me all the right things, kissing me all the right ways and making me feel all the right feelings. I stopped being angry at you and I just started missing the boy I thought you were when I first met you at that party, when you put your arm around me and I felt special. You have to be quite the horrible person to treat me how you treated me and I don't understand why I deserved it. Well, I didn't and I hope that one day, you'll wake up or sip your french vanilla coffee or put on your shoes and suddenly realize that I didn't deserve what you did. I hope at in this moment you'll miss me. All I ever did was fall for you which I didn't know was such a crime.
I feel like a fool for giving you more chances than you deserved and it stings remembering how you just threw them away. You purposely set out to hurt me, maybe not in the beginning, but by the end it was intentional. It ***** being on both ends of your tricks, being the girl you ditched for another and being the girl that you ditched someone else for. I never knew what you were doing until it all unraveled in front of me.
Just so you know, you may have broken my heart and shattered my trust and every time I have plans with someone I'm going to be afraid that they are not going to show up but I'm still going to go. You didn't shatter who I am as a person and I'm not going to let you destroy my hope that someone else will treat me better than you did. Someone once told me that if I don't want to get hurt then I need to put a wall up and be cold to people trying to break it down but I don't believe them anymore. I want to wear my heart on my sleeve and I want to give people chances and second chances and hell, third chances even, because in the end, if I loved, that's all that matters and sometimes that's all you can do. You can't make someone love you. I can make you into poetry, but I cannot make you love me. I cannot make you come back and I don't want to anymore, anyway. I'm letting you go, not for you, for me, because I get it, you don't want me in your life, I just need to stop hoping that one day you will. I'm leaving you behind and I'm not ever coming back. You don't deserve it. You didn't deserve my hand, or my lips, or my heart and you especially didn't deserve all my tears because I shouldn't be crying over someone like you.
Just like you did, I took a small piece of your heart as well and it's always going to be there. You're always going to be a part of me. You're always going to be a little piece of who I am tomorrow. It sounds cliche but you taught me a lot and I'm always going to carry those lessons with me. Your intentions might have been to break me down until there was nothing left but no one can break my happiness and no one, not even you, especially not you, can break my love.
Goodbye.
Sincerely,
Me
I know this isn't poetry but it's extremely personal and it's my way of saying goodbye to the boy I've been writing about for so long on this blog. I'm not going to delete his poems and I am not going to stop writing about him because he'll be my inspiration, he'll be a memory and he'll exist only in my words. I understand if no one wants to read this because it's quite lengthy but it's pure honesty and it's raw feelings. It took a lot to say goodbye to this boy and I'm very proud to be finally doing it.
