I haven’t heard from you for a while.
Seems like our relationship has just disappeared into thin air,
And you don’t even care.
We had a blooming friendship that was intertwined with love,
But like a needle taken to a balloon, our little bubble of joy bursted as reality barged in and tore us apart.
It would have never worked between us anyways.
I didn’t know what I wanted, but all I needed was a friend.
You wanted more, or nothing.
I barely knew you yet I lay here staring at the ceiling thinking of your hands.
You pop into my mind at the most inconvenient times,
And leave me motionless.
When I think of you its like time stops and the only things I can feel are the deep crater in my heart that you filled for a moment and my missing you.
I now lack our long conversations and your early morning texts,
Would it be that bad if those were to exist once more?
I fell for you but not in love.
I fell into the wall of friendship, and it supported me.
You didn’t go crumbling down when I crashed into you.
I valued that but no matter what my feelings, you still wanted more.
Everyone wanted me to have more for you.
I can’t give you anymore.
I have been drained of love.
I am barren and empty.
There will be no more love for me to give as long as my feelings are knotted up like this.
I thought I had you to help me detangle my emotions and figure out how to feel okay again,
But you’ve left me like all the others.
You left that empty crater and the tangled ball of feelings for me to sort out on my own, even though I can’t.
I’ve gone down this road one too many times.
I’m finished with finding someone to help and to compensate for the one I loved.
I give up.
And so I’ll have to find my lost strength and fix myself alone.
But I don’t know if that is even possible,
Because what if I like being broken?