Agony and delight

You swish past my mind at the most unseemly times

you plunge straight into my heart

pulling it down tight like an elastic band

and you finger it till I want to throw out some profanity

heart strings trigger fear and hate. loathing and love

I lose myself enmeshed amongst the layers of sanity[?]

I scrape the skin from under my nails hoping to find traces of you there.



I can not lie.

I can not confess

I dont understand this mess.

or you. or me. or us.

I crave and I misbehave

I miss and I dismiss

I feel and I reel

***** **** dust or

crimson lace and black love?



nonsense on top of nonsense

it never made sense

but it always felt right

it was never easy

always too hard to ignore



where are you now?

in every cell, in every memory

in every space, in every moment

a part of me

apart from me



love you.

miss you.

it is as simple as that

thats all there is and

all there ever will be.