I long for the autumn that defines my year
Where I can finally measure up
I can finally become the person that the people I surround myself with
Already are
For colder weather that indicates seasons for sports that I play
Simply to say that I've done something
To say that I have seen a glimmer of what it's like
To do something that people will love.
For fall to arrive and to immerse myself in stress
So I can stop thinking about my future
About my obligations
And focus on being something that people will love
Transform myself into something they think is better than who I am
And perhaps stop asking myself,
Perhaps I will stop repeating the mantra, the age-old question-
Why do I surround myself with people that are better than me?
As if it is a contest and I am the only competitor
Racing, racing to the top
Hoping to see what exactly is over this wall that my friends have seen
To measure up in age, in accomplishments, concerts, grades
Why am I the jack of all trades and the master of none?
I can do so much, I meet requirements
How is this town okay with simply meeting requirements?
...And then I realized something.
I long for autumn, for the seasons that represent change
Not because I am in dire need of new things to do
To possibly prove myself worthy
But because it means I am one season closer to leaving a town and people
Who are okay with meeting requirements
And I am one step closer, one step higher,
To reaching things that supersede any requirement given to me.