I wonder if you will ever look at my hello poetry page again. If you'll see my letters to you and smile, or look at the word him and grit your teeth. I can't say I miss you, because I shut it down when that sick missing feeling creeps up my throat. I haven't cried over you at all today, which is a small victory. I'm nervous to see you, because I don't know if I'll be able to restrain myself from kissing you and holding onto you. I don't want to. At least this way I can pretend you're gone on a trip, but after I see you I can't. Im dreading the awkward silence and uncomfortable words pushing through our teeth as a means of politeness. I don't want to remember our last time seeing eacother like that. Can't it stay as us sitting on ravens kitchen floor, laughing and kissing and kissing and kissing?
I'm not ready to move on.