the more i try to change myself
my more i see who i really am.
depression kicks in when i try to change.
who i wan't to be is a nice, fun loving person.
BUT I CANT
deep down, I am a dictator.
I need to have control over others.
I need to be able to feel the power!
Knowing that others fear me gives me strength!
but what i really want is for people to feel the way i feel.
yes, I am a dictator to people with less power than me
but i am a slave BY CHOICE to others with more power!
This is my biggest fault!
I CAN'T STAND A FEELING OF DISAPPOINTING SOMEONE!
IT BREAKS MY SPIRIT!
I do everything in my power to reverse it!
This disappointment reflects back into me.
it causes my to want more power.
it causes me to get more out of myself.
I become a stronger dictator on myself.
This drains me to nothing.
The only thing that can restore it is power.
Power over others.
an endless circle of authority.