You left me
  You dumped me
    You threw me away
      You said forever ends today

But i know it was my fault,
  i'm to blame for my soul assault.
You kissed me and then You killed me,
  but it was all because of me

i failed You as a boyfriend
  and a companion
    and a lover
and it forced You to have to hurt me when You didn't want to and break me and take away my present and my future and annihilate any hope for happiness and destroy the most joy i've ever known and how can i ever forgive me?

And now Yur with some other man
  Yur with another man
and i know it's better for You
  cuz he's better than me

but FUUUUUCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKK
i can't do this
and i know it's pathetically horribly shallow and hypocritical because i really really really want You to be happy but it kills me that it isn't US. and i can't understand how You said all those things to me (some on sweaty sheets or anywhere our clothes could come off, some after a few beers or wandering wineries, some nestling into a cuddle on the couch, some just on a random Wednesday evening) and then threw me away like forever was just a use or freeze by date You had accidentally left too long in the salad drawer. and i can't imagine being with someone else when all i think about all day and night is You! and i'm still so insanely in Love with You and i'm still so nervous & excited for every single interaction and seeing You still tingles me me & makes me Love the universe but the pain & depression is somehow worse every day and my stomach is always clenched in knots which mangle & won't untangle and some immense evil entity is always standing on my chest and crushing my still-screaming heart and the pain which is supposed to just be emotional is a physical palpable tangible pounding being who hates me and is extreme and unrelenting and i hate waking up and realizing that i can't see You or touch You or kiss You or share mundane daily activities which to me were miracles or plan another adventure

i don't know how to heal
  & not because the scars i have to peel,
but because the wounds won't cease their screaming
  & will always always always be bleeding

i just want to beg You to change Yur mind and take me back instead of him and plead with You to believe in me and make You explain why he's better than me and why how You stopped Loving & Wanting me and how i went from awesome to worthless so fast and i know it's so shallow of me not to be happy for Yur happy and thankful grateful worshiping the universe for the too short time You let me feel Yur Love but the only reason i don't describe myself as hollow is that i'm filled with Agony, screaming stabbing slicing shredding and never ending never ******* ending it won't stop it won't stop it won't stop it won't stop it won't stop

every other emotion & relationship
  was just a kid's crush.
SJH is the SHE who is the ONE

and i'm ****** up
  and freaked out
    and terrified to wake up

i hate waking up