i thought i knew agony,
  since we're such old & intimate friends.
i believed there was nothing new to see
  in her all too personal attacks on me.
i let in the thinking that make amends
  if she should ever again descend.

i naively believed that I was an expert
  in the arena of handling any hurt.
just look & listen at my life & see
  what the **** else you gonna do to me

there was the younger brother confusion
  losing closest sister contusion
when my best friend heroine
  made her best friend ******

we really amplified the ride
  with my sister's suicide.
my first and favorite hero self-died,
  the first necessary piece of me also died

then we enter the cyclone center,
  thrown into the throes
    of torn by tornadoes,
      with a myriad of manglings my mentor

there's a lot of not good enough
  where instead of lust and love
    i was just friend and fluff

and as anyone who knows me knows,
  there are 4 wonderful ones of those
    as petals on my unrequited rose

But i knew nothing of true pain
  and its ever renewing refrain
    which crests and crashes only to crescendo again.
i was an amateur at torture
  about to embark on a timeless tour
    of self-immolation soul forfeiture

a novice at breaking bad the prefect kiss,
  when lips lick the dry ice of anti-paradise,
i am now truly the traveler
  along the lanes of the Love unraveler

an evil-apple eater am i,
  a poison addled corpse am i.
a jester who is merely a fool,
  a loser whose uncool is cruel

the ONE who should never have Loved me
  or had any interest whatsoever in me,
liked me licked me Loved me,
  gave her heart and soul and life and time to me.
whispered and caressed and laughed inside me,
and showed me how to be.
took me inside her Love and smile and life and kiss and body,
  allowed me to Love her sweet wonderful daughter as family.
Dreamed up an activity list that we could add to forever
  and began adventuring it and more together.
Out of my league awesome amazing
  let me do so much more than unrequited gazing.
She smiled at me with her eyes,
  so cool and deep and blue.
She smiled at me within her thighs,
  so hot and sweet and squeeze me true.
the HER in her voice
  left me no choice
but to wish my ears had fingertips
  or i could feel her words with my lips.
Everything i had ever wanted or wished for,
  and a myriad of miracles i never knew of before
were given to me by Milady
  and i sang thanks daily.

but like a limp **** drunk
  i tossed my Love a skunk.
i ****** up and failed the ONE
  and she decided we're done

heaven to hell my sad story,
  not even a stop in purgatory.
just ceaseless screams
  and blood-filled streams
    flooding my agony dreams

heart soul shred
  i thee wed.
and this Agony shall echo until the end of forever
  and then some more forever