May 2014
Imaginary Diary
Wed, Oct 5, 2011
Back from the worst roadtrip of my entire life. And an era ends as I sit ALL ALONE in this big empty house. At least it isn't raining, so I can go in the backyard and build a big fire to cry in front of...
Here Be Me
out fades the fire, no longer reaching higher, merely old and tired, moved on from trying to crying, an era ends, and how to begin again?
yet death has not yet stolen the last breath, hope and prayers still befriend the living, and everyday miracles may still find the giving...
alone is a strange energy
almost alien to me
although it didn't used to be
lone wolf howls again?
prowls again?
kaleidoscope of feelings,
how to make meaning?
I like Me as much or more
than ever before
and I no longer keep score
lone wolf howls again?
prowls again?
hurt but not quite reeling,
what's the meaning?
can I manage the damage?
I scream
You scream
We All scream
for Ice Cream
but that does not balance the beam
does not quite Amen the dream.
And now my life changes again
rearranges yet again
Lone Wolf?
Thurs, Oct 6, 2011
"I mourn not moving into another decade, but at the end I've been betrayed, not good enough, not enough stuff, not the right house in the right city. given everything I could, done anything I can, but not trusted, accused of acts I did not commit, abandoned and alone again, except for the responsibilities, and bills, and animals, and an empty house full of stuff, and memories of what was supposed to be" -- miscellaneous anonymous old divorced dude
Have you ever noticed how close onesome is to lonesome and that together rhymes with forever?
Fri, Oct 7, 2011
Heart Broken yet again,
far from the 1st time...
I know what to do
& kinda how to do it,
I guess...
****, this is going to take some serious time!!!!
(can I manage the damage)
How far is far enough?
How future is future enough?
head hanging down
as does the soul inside
face fallen in a frown
as the heart's tears are cried
looking & leaning above the abyss
living the loss that leaves less
refusing not to feel this
there shall be no numbness
hurt too many times
to soothe with mere rhymes
but healing always happens
hope never dies a final death
(I can manage the damage)
How far is far enough?
How future is future enough?
Once or so upon sometime
boy met girl
and his world went whirl.
Stars sent sparkles through the smog,
moonlight went right through the fog.
And they asked Clint,
what's so different?
And his simple silly smile said,
are you really so numb dumb in the head?
Are you really only able to see
the fine firm exquisite curves outside
and not the even more amazing beauty
singly sweetly from the soul inside?
Just look closely
into gorgeous intensity
get swept into a deep brown sea
and wonder at the world she sees!
And when you linger longingly on those luscious lips,
don't just wish for a tender hot kiss.
Want the soft breath-touch of her spirit,
and the words within which you'll hear it!
They may not realize what I see,
but those eyes have looked at me.
And I sit in the dark and wonder,
could my spark ever touch her?
When can it be Then again?
Because if a guy is extraordinarily lucky, every decade or two he might meet someone as amazing as you. And if he has the chance to become more than friends, he HAS to try to make that reality. If not, he HAS to know you in whatever way possible, as deeply as possible, to enrich his Life & Soul!
Flirting
Emotions mixing like potions
Imaginings made more potent
Did you see her? She looked at me! A lot! We smiled with our eyes and our lips and our words and it was real! It may have meant more to me than it did to her, but it was still real!
Somewhen
Wonderings About A Wonderful Woman
Dipping a heart in the Rush
of the early life of a Crush.
Past the point when you'd just met
& maybe not even spoken yet.
It's after you know there's something about her
that's at the awesome end of special.
When you want to know all about her,
learn the glow within the sparkle!
You find yourself wanting way less waiting
between the moments you get to see her
and you're always antsy anticipating
the next time you're able to talk to her.
You hope for her Happy
and pray to be a part of it,
an important part!
You ache to ask her for a date
and hear her say okay, great!
You wish that that beginning
turns into every evening
until oh so soon
on an unknown afternoon
you both find you're destined
to be much more than friends!
And inbetween the start and that part
as you learn to hear each others' heart
there are a millionish questions about her
you can't wait for time to answer...
Does she like mexican food?
and sushi too?
Will she gag if you call her dude?
Has she ever done Mongolian BBQ?
Has she ever searched for seashells
between the incoming swells?
Does she like getting flowers?
What's her favorite flower?!
Does she like skating
swimming
whistling
hiking?
Does she have brothers?
sisters?
younger?
older?
Has she ever fallen on her **** in an ice rink?
or played in the snow til your fingers can't think?
Does she love road trips
for the destination
and all you may learn/see
along the journey?
Where has she travelled?
Where does she want to travel?
Does she like sharing dreams
the moment you awaken?
When it still seems
they really did happen?
What animals does she love?
Mittens or gloves?
Does she love hugs?
LONG hugs?!
Is she ready for me to want to stare at her
(mmmmm, have you seen her?)
And does she know how
to keep hearing “WOW”?
Does she like reading poetry?
especially when it's about her / inspired by her
Will we share the joys and traumas
the sillys and dramas
that have made us us?
Will she excitedly show
all of her old photos?
Does she believe in GOD
and ghosts
and eternal souls
and True Love?
Has she ever prayed for me?
Does she know I've prayed for her?
Will we show not just our strengths
but also our weaknesses?
Tell our awes
and our flaws?
Share our laughs
and our tears?
Whisper our hopes
and our fears?
Even though it allows the other to truly see
and brings tender vulnerability?
Will she let me provide what help I can
for not only wants, but also needs
can she depend on this man
for not only wants, but also needs
can she accept every effort from Clint
and still know she's independent?
Does she like:
--cuddling huddling together beside the fire, wrapped beneath the same blanket, holding hands, somtimes speaking softly about memories, hopes, fears, desires, sometimes simply staring at the spastic random wild dancing of the flames while listening to the crackles & pops & the night sounds from just beyond the circle of light?
--a lazy afternoon on a summer beach, toes digging in the hot sand, breeze blowing sunshine across the skin, waves waiting to be watched and frolicked in?
--being at the beach on a damp winter's day, sitting on a lifeguard tower just out of the reach of the rain, sometimes wondering at the miracle of the wild waves, dark and frothy, whipped by the wind to lunge upon the shore and race towards the tower only to tire and recede once more into the tide. Sometimes basking in the heat of each others' hands, eyes, lips & kiss, flying in the feeling?
--walking along the beach in the moonlight of a still-warm summer's eve, holding hands as we wade in the waves, toes tingly with the spritz of the sparkling water?
--watching a sunrise fill the skies of a desert dawn?
--watching the sun set as it dives from the clouds, drops behind the mountaintop?
--camping in the mountains, or by a lake, miles and miles from the encompassing glare of the city lights, within our private tent at midnight, comfy cozy cuddled close within 2 sleeping bags zipped into 1, marvelling at the stars spread out above the mesh ceiling?
--walking hand-in-hand in a light rain laughing at the secret which only we know, that this cool warm drizzle, this tingle-mingle mist is the perfect place to kiss?
--Las Vegas after dark?
--reading to each other in the park?
--short romantic messages?
--exchanging random massages?
--live comedy?
--movie matinees?
-- what's her favorite type of TV?
comedy/drama/reality?
food/cartoons/nature documentary?
--a comfy couch where we fall sleep curled together with a shared blanket and maybe even some spilled popcorn?
--disneyland?
--silly errands at 1am?
--talking through the night until the dawn?
--sharing a shower, the water cascading across her unbelievable beauty, caressing every curve, glistening on her sweet sensuous skin and driving me deliciously delirious with desire?
What is her favorite color?
What is her favorite thing about her?
Who is her oldest friend?
her best friend?
If she had one wish, totally selfish, just for herself -- what would it be?
Fuzzy PJ's or naked under a soft warm blanket?
Would she dance with me at home
just the two of us
where we can be dorky
or not good
and just have fun?
Does she realize the HER of her eyes
her smile
her glow
her lips
the dreams of her fingertips?
Does she know that as impossibly amazing as it may seem
my instincts sing to me
that she's even more beautiful on the inside
than she is on the outside?
And have you SEEN her outside????
Would she want to hear me say
you're sweet smart funny beautiful and hot, mmmmmmm HOT
and you will find True Love & Happyness
because You Deserve It!
Does she want someone to want her
emotionally spiritually physically?
Does she want them to wonder what she wants
discover her innermost inner?
Want them to desire her joy
so she can be joyous?
Does she want them to want to kiss her all over,
caress her everywhere,
squeeze her perfect *** with ultimate passion,
dream of her arms and awesome legs around them,
her bare ******* pressed against their chest,
sing themselves to sleep with images of her lips,
and imaginings of her sweet sweet kiss?
And maybe if we're lucky
or meant to be
Somewhere in there
“like” blossoms
becomes Love!
Wed, Oct 5, 2011
Back from the worst roadtrip of my entire life. And an era ends as I sit ALL ALONE in this big empty house. At least it isn't raining, so I can go in the backyard and build a big fire to cry in front of...
Here Be Me
out fades the fire, no longer reaching higher, merely old and tired, moved on from trying to crying, an era ends, and how to begin again?
yet death has not yet stolen the last breath, hope and prayers still befriend the living, and everyday miracles may still find the giving...
alone is a strange energy
almost alien to me
although it didn't used to be
lone wolf howls again?
prowls again?
kaleidoscope of feelings,
how to make meaning?
I like Me as much or more
than ever before
and I no longer keep score
lone wolf howls again?
prowls again?
hurt but not quite reeling,
what's the meaning?
can I manage the damage?
I scream
You scream
We All scream
for Ice Cream
but that does not balance the beam
does not quite Amen the dream.
And now my life changes again
rearranges yet again
Lone Wolf?
Thurs, Oct 6, 2011
"I mourn not moving into another decade, but at the end I've been betrayed, not good enough, not enough stuff, not the right house in the right city. given everything I could, done anything I can, but not trusted, accused of acts I did not commit, abandoned and alone again, except for the responsibilities, and bills, and animals, and an empty house full of stuff, and memories of what was supposed to be" -- miscellaneous anonymous old divorced dude
Have you ever noticed how close onesome is to lonesome and that together rhymes with forever?
Fri, Oct 7, 2011
Heart Broken yet again,
far from the 1st time...
I know what to do
& kinda how to do it,
I guess...
****, this is going to take some serious time!!!!
(can I manage the damage)
How far is far enough?
How future is future enough?
head hanging down
as does the soul inside
face fallen in a frown
as the heart's tears are cried
looking & leaning above the abyss
living the loss that leaves less
refusing not to feel this
there shall be no numbness
hurt too many times
to soothe with mere rhymes
but healing always happens
hope never dies a final death
(I can manage the damage)
How far is far enough?
How future is future enough?
Once or so upon sometime
boy met girl
and his world went whirl.
Stars sent sparkles through the smog,
moonlight went right through the fog.
And they asked Clint,
what's so different?
And his simple silly smile said,
are you really so numb dumb in the head?
Are you really only able to see
the fine firm exquisite curves outside
and not the even more amazing beauty
singly sweetly from the soul inside?
Just look closely
into gorgeous intensity
get swept into a deep brown sea
and wonder at the world she sees!
And when you linger longingly on those luscious lips,
don't just wish for a tender hot kiss.
Want the soft breath-touch of her spirit,
and the words within which you'll hear it!
They may not realize what I see,
but those eyes have looked at me.
And I sit in the dark and wonder,
could my spark ever touch her?
When can it be Then again?
Because if a guy is extraordinarily lucky, every decade or two he might meet someone as amazing as you. And if he has the chance to become more than friends, he HAS to try to make that reality. If not, he HAS to know you in whatever way possible, as deeply as possible, to enrich his Life & Soul!
Flirting
Emotions mixing like potions
Imaginings made more potent
Did you see her? She looked at me! A lot! We smiled with our eyes and our lips and our words and it was real! It may have meant more to me than it did to her, but it was still real!
Somewhen
Wonderings About A Wonderful Woman
Dipping a heart in the Rush
of the early life of a Crush.
Past the point when you'd just met
& maybe not even spoken yet.
It's after you know there's something about her
that's at the awesome end of special.
When you want to know all about her,
learn the glow within the sparkle!
You find yourself wanting way less waiting
between the moments you get to see her
and you're always antsy anticipating
the next time you're able to talk to her.
You hope for her Happy
and pray to be a part of it,
an important part!
You ache to ask her for a date
and hear her say okay, great!
You wish that that beginning
turns into every evening
until oh so soon
on an unknown afternoon
you both find you're destined
to be much more than friends!
And inbetween the start and that part
as you learn to hear each others' heart
there are a millionish questions about her
you can't wait for time to answer...
Does she like mexican food?
and sushi too?
Will she gag if you call her dude?
Has she ever done Mongolian BBQ?
Has she ever searched for seashells
between the incoming swells?
Does she like getting flowers?
What's her favorite flower?!
Does she like skating
swimming
whistling
hiking?
Does she have brothers?
sisters?
younger?
older?
Has she ever fallen on her **** in an ice rink?
or played in the snow til your fingers can't think?
Does she love road trips
for the destination
and all you may learn/see
along the journey?
Where has she travelled?
Where does she want to travel?
Does she like sharing dreams
the moment you awaken?
When it still seems
they really did happen?
What animals does she love?
Mittens or gloves?
Does she love hugs?
LONG hugs?!
Is she ready for me to want to stare at her
(mmmmm, have you seen her?)
And does she know how
to keep hearing “WOW”?
Does she like reading poetry?
especially when it's about her / inspired by her
Will we share the joys and traumas
the sillys and dramas
that have made us us?
Will she excitedly show
all of her old photos?
Does she believe in GOD
and ghosts
and eternal souls
and True Love?
Has she ever prayed for me?
Does she know I've prayed for her?
Will we show not just our strengths
but also our weaknesses?
Tell our awes
and our flaws?
Share our laughs
and our tears?
Whisper our hopes
and our fears?
Even though it allows the other to truly see
and brings tender vulnerability?
Will she let me provide what help I can
for not only wants, but also needs
can she depend on this man
for not only wants, but also needs
can she accept every effort from Clint
and still know she's independent?
Does she like:
--cuddling huddling together beside the fire, wrapped beneath the same blanket, holding hands, somtimes speaking softly about memories, hopes, fears, desires, sometimes simply staring at the spastic random wild dancing of the flames while listening to the crackles & pops & the night sounds from just beyond the circle of light?
--a lazy afternoon on a summer beach, toes digging in the hot sand, breeze blowing sunshine across the skin, waves waiting to be watched and frolicked in?
--being at the beach on a damp winter's day, sitting on a lifeguard tower just out of the reach of the rain, sometimes wondering at the miracle of the wild waves, dark and frothy, whipped by the wind to lunge upon the shore and race towards the tower only to tire and recede once more into the tide. Sometimes basking in the heat of each others' hands, eyes, lips & kiss, flying in the feeling?
--walking along the beach in the moonlight of a still-warm summer's eve, holding hands as we wade in the waves, toes tingly with the spritz of the sparkling water?
--watching a sunrise fill the skies of a desert dawn?
--watching the sun set as it dives from the clouds, drops behind the mountaintop?
--camping in the mountains, or by a lake, miles and miles from the encompassing glare of the city lights, within our private tent at midnight, comfy cozy cuddled close within 2 sleeping bags zipped into 1, marvelling at the stars spread out above the mesh ceiling?
--walking hand-in-hand in a light rain laughing at the secret which only we know, that this cool warm drizzle, this tingle-mingle mist is the perfect place to kiss?
--Las Vegas after dark?
--reading to each other in the park?
--short romantic messages?
--exchanging random massages?
--live comedy?
--movie matinees?
-- what's her favorite type of TV?
comedy/drama/reality?
food/cartoons/nature documentary?
--a comfy couch where we fall sleep curled together with a shared blanket and maybe even some spilled popcorn?
--disneyland?
--silly errands at 1am?
--talking through the night until the dawn?
--sharing a shower, the water cascading across her unbelievable beauty, caressing every curve, glistening on her sweet sensuous skin and driving me deliciously delirious with desire?
What is her favorite color?
What is her favorite thing about her?
Who is her oldest friend?
her best friend?
If she had one wish, totally selfish, just for herself -- what would it be?
Fuzzy PJ's or naked under a soft warm blanket?
Would she dance with me at home
just the two of us
where we can be dorky
or not good
and just have fun?
Does she realize the HER of her eyes
her smile
her glow
her lips
the dreams of her fingertips?
Does she know that as impossibly amazing as it may seem
my instincts sing to me
that she's even more beautiful on the inside
than she is on the outside?
And have you SEEN her outside????
Would she want to hear me say
you're sweet smart funny beautiful and hot, mmmmmmm HOT
and you will find True Love & Happyness
because You Deserve It!
Does she want someone to want her
emotionally spiritually physically?
Does she want them to wonder what she wants
discover her innermost inner?
Want them to desire her joy
so she can be joyous?
Does she want them to want to kiss her all over,
caress her everywhere,
squeeze her perfect *** with ultimate passion,
dream of her arms and awesome legs around them,
her bare ******* pressed against their chest,
sing themselves to sleep with images of her lips,
and imaginings of her sweet sweet kiss?
And maybe if we're lucky
or meant to be
Somewhere in there
“like” blossoms
becomes Love!
10 year marriage, last year of which she accused me constantly of betrayal I never could or would have perpetrated. This is my trying to look forward with hope....
