Distance has a particular way of hurting: It begins slowly, and is self-contained. Because our mothers would often speak about Love, and how everything falls helpless in Love, Distance becomes a housebroken dog. It is powerless, and whilst I love, I am powerful. On Sunday, our fathers would teach us to put our faith in things unseen, and so we grow confident and complacent. Just when you think you’ve understood it, It sinks its teeth in hard and deep.
An idealist tries to make it out light and easy They will often write poems about finding ideal love in the real world. But I will write about knowing real love misplaced in an ideal world. It’s a world where comfort could come in binary files filled with digital empathy and memories. Where typed words and numbers that form black and white promises could replace the real and organic voice of reassurance. Where wires between my webcams and your headsets could entangle themselves in ways our fingers used to be intertwined. Where waiting for an email meant as much as waiting for you to return home to me. Where the strategic positioning of your punctuation marks could transform these passive symbols into active symbols of love and concern:
A comma, like a shared pause for when our eyes meet Exclamation marks for when we wave to each other from across the street, or as a passionate gesture from underneath these sheets. A question mark for when you’re sick and I am by your bed Worried, because you wouldn’t eat. A semicolon for when we argue, and a full stop for when we finally give in. A parenthesis for containing moments of vulnerability that only seem to leak out late at night.
You won’t know it but, I dream mostly of an online conversation, filled with time stamps that affirm your presence. If I’m lucky, I will find an ellipsis Small creatures of continuity with heads heavy with hesitation. … And - if I’m really lucky, I’d undo those black buttons of suspense and see you once more.