Did you know that being home alone is the leading cause of
my loneliness?

Let me explain

at first, the silence is deafening
so you turn on the TV
or some music
and that helps

later on, the music starts seeming depressing
the songs about people are mocking you
the songs about love are arrows piercing your skin
the songs about anything else are few and far between
so you turn it off

so you make your own noise
you open and close every door
just to hear the sound
you drum on pots and pans and whatever's nearby
to see what the difference between
a refrigerator door and freezer door is

then you start talking
telling the coffee maker to hurry up
or getting mad at the milk jug for spilling on the counter

then you start spewing nonsense like
do deer have feelings, or are they just sad?
a whole conversation with yourself about nothing
gibberish

then rock bottom.

calling your mom even though you know she won't answer
so you have a guarantee that she'll call back
and someone will talk to you today
you text someone with a broken phone
or rather, you open your phone to a picture message
of your friend with someone else
even though you asked them to hang out earlier
but then again, maybe they didn't get it
you tell yourself
their phone is broken, after all
but then again, they seem to get everyone else's

you make way too much food
just so you can eat until you feel sick
because
WHAT THE HELL ELSE IS THERE TO DO

After a while,
I usually end up wandering around the house
yelling "****" until I feel better
my throat is hoarse