My eyes open to darkness
As I frantically reach for safety.
It was only a dream, I think,
When I finally grasp my duvet.
Tears glaze my tired eyes;
These nightmares are all too familiar.
My mind never rests.
My anxiety never alleviates.
Life's not been easy.
I've seen so much, experienced
Such grief, such tragedy.
I want to be comforted.
I want you to be here.
You know how to make me strong.
But I can't find you, even though
I keep reaching for you.
You're stealthy, you've slipped away.
I'm lost in my nightmares;
You've left me alone.
I just wanted the security of your presence.
I just wanted to hear your heartbeat.
To feel your chest move with every breath.
To listen to your deep voice soothe me.
To have your hand wipe my tears.
But I have to comfort myself,
For you will never be back.
And I will resort to being distrusting,
Closed off,
Emotionless,
So I don't have to feel this emptiness.
This loss of you that you promised I'd never feel.
My eyes close, another tear spilling down my cheek.
As I try to travel to the nightmares in my dreams,
To drown out the nightmare of my reality.