I've been spending most of my time
finding ways to feel fulfilled
but honestly I am twenty-two and life is a cycle,
monotonous,
i sleep more than i ever have before
and i avoid responsibility like
the plague.

to be worthy of someone's time would be great
but i am in a constant tug-of-war
with my standpoint on relationships.
yeah, having a partner could be fun
'cause i could belong to someone
and i guess now that i think of it,
that sounds exhausting.
i should go back to bed.

i stay up until 3:00 am,
listening to the same songs on repeat
tweeting my thoughts like a lost prophet
serving a sermon to her open palms
i'm hopeful you will think i'm clever
i want your attention,
not your surrender.

my mom tells me to be careful every time i leave the house
i shrug and say "yeah okay" but promise nothing else
we drink beer in basements and watch kids sing their hearts out,
only alive when it's dark out,
i end up on some foreign couch with two beards and a ukelele
you couldn't thrill me if you paid me.