Tears always threaten to sting my eyelids, but never have any leaked out
not even the day
her heart came to a resting stop

not even the day her body was laid six feet under the cold, mushy ground

I stayed after everybody left
I watched them lay her cold outer shell to rest
I watched as they layered the dirt on top of her non-expanding lungs, her eyes closed by a specialist
And he had done her hair, plastered make-up across her too kid-like face, and her much too large size, crammed into a much too small casket

They said she looked beautiful

She looked like sardines, so squashed
She looked like a Barbie doll, what a facade

She looked like death, because she was
She looked no longer, because she was
She looked nothing like herself, because she was not

It was raining on this day, yet still no tears to wash away,
But
My heart was surely aching and my head was pounding and my blood was boiling and my throat was swelling and my eyes were bulging and my stomach was clenching

But absolutely no tears were shed