random ads with nonsensical jokes
fill the space between my ears.

i can't understand what they mean
but they keep talking to me,
asking me to listen.

the music that follows is only a trick
to make myself believe that something
in this godforsaken world
brings me joy.

the music is dark in color
and tastes like disinterest.

it's funny

i thought i finally understood what it was
that i wanted:
i'm no closer than i've ever been.


so i stay still.
i refuse to leave
to move
to speak

to figure out what i want.

i haven't been in the mood
to keep up appearances--
but it appears the more i distance myself
the more people appear to be close to.

i want to disappear
to no place in particular.