it is 19:43 and I think of how you hate military time and how I always have to change it myself for you when you ask the time.

"recover holly!" you always say, but I think to last night when you handed me a blade. sure, it was was for styrofoam cutting and not skin cutting, but for a guy who remembers everything else so well, you seemed to forget that I would be triggered .

you never allow me to help you, and it hurts because everyone always underestimates what I'm capable of and what I can do and I thought you were different.

you assure me that my weight doesn't matter, but look how you spin Natalie and Alayna around. why can I not be skinny enough to fly in your arms?

I'll probably send this to Madison later, not you though. you're my inspiration, you help so much. but you hate poetry and my creative outlet is lesser than yours.

I feel as if I would be truly sad if you moved next year, but you wouldn't miss me.

and what will you do if I get better? you are nothing more than a 911 operator; you'll save me and then leave.

oh dear, I feel like I don't need you.

but I do.

I need you because you get me and I ******* hate how much you understand me. I wish you were a dumb boy.

I need you because no one else ******* cares about me anymore.

and no, I don't 'like' you. I just can't ******* lose my life line.