As I sit here, and listen to their words
spewing out of their mouths
the words that I laugh at
the things It appears that I just brush off

the thoughts inside swirl
rage
inflict their pain upon the flesh they hold most dearly to themselves
inflict their confusion upon thyself instead on the one who has brought these memories up yet again

as they pour out,
the next day arrives all to quickly,
the fear I cover up embeds itself underneath my skin, to sizzle,
and waits for the boiling point to arrive,

the speakers seem to be silent today
maybe this smile inscribed on my face isn't large enough,
maybe the reaction wasn't as genuine as they had hoped for,

I laugh at his ignorance,
at my want for someone near to notice,
someone near to be more than someone I lie to with my entire being,
I laugh at my own capabilities,
embarrassed of my naïve ambitions, to think, to want, to hope for,
their eyes to open someday

oh how good I am, at making this pain, seem so miniscule,
so invisible, to their glazed over eyes,
I laugh how I care so much
and it tears me apart, how their approval, means something to me
it sends a ripple of burning acid down my throat
an imaginary knife slicing me apart, while I'm no where's near numb, I feel every slash
and then I realize this is what I'm here for.