there was a time when I wanted nothing but to be your forever
to wake up every morning to the warmth of your shoulders against mine
to have coffee at dawn while your favorite soccer team is playing on TV
to sit on your lap and fall against your strong chest, tipping my head down to the crooks of your neck like puzzle pieces snapping into place
to have conversations about life, about death, about matching tattoos, about travelling the world, about us
to fantasize about the future and then laugh so hard at how ridiculous we sound
to hear your raspy voice at noon when the air is clear and cool and silent, save for the birds to whistle around the tall trees
there was a time when I wanted us to be forever.
"forever and always," you like to say after every fight we have.

until I learnt about the sad truth
about whom you really are behind that façade
about who you weren't

you know me better than I know myself
you know every little secret from my dad's family to the cuts around my thighs
you know every little flaw that I try to hide
and I thought I was lucky because someone finally cared
but when everything turns cold and bitter that night in November,
you  saw that as a chance to break me down
you lead me into the falsest sense of security
with every I'm sorry and I love you

after long, tired nights of pacing back and forth,
I finally realized I deserve better
                            I deserve so much more

thank you for loving me and showing me what I'm really worth
thank you for letting me go