You were so close, yet so far.
I had so much to say to you,
So much to apologize for,
But i never got a single word out,
Before you disappeared into the dark.
You're just gone. It's like you never existed.
All I have now, are faded memories, which I cling on to
as if they were my life line, the string holding me together.
I wake up with a hope that maybe, you'll reply today.
Maybe, you'll come back today.
Slowly, days pass. One month, two months, three months, four months.
You're gonna be 17 soon. You're probably freaking out.
Or you're excited like anything.
Don't worry, you'll be the most amazing 17 year old in this entire world.
17 years old.
I haven't forgotten yet, no. You were always older than me,
and I always asked you to stop there, stop for a while and let me catch up with you.
You'd laugh. And I'd smile at the sound of your laughter.
So angelic and calming. So nice. It made me happy, your laughter did.
Oh all the memories I have are so precious. So **** precious.
It may not mean much to you, but I still remember and have every single word you ever said to me,
every single song you ever dedicated to me,
every single smile you ever shared with me,
everything. I have folded each and every memory, neatly
and put them away inside a box, stored in the back of my mind.
The lovely sunrises we talked about, the riverside tranquility,
the funny incidents in your life,
the inspiration you had,
the way I imagined your topaz eyes would sparkle,
the way everything fit so perfectly,
the way we'd "Knucklebump" all the time,
oh all of the memories stay with me, love,
in the back of my mind.
Sometimes I wish I could let everything go,
scream your name till I'm out of breath,
maybe the world will scream with me and you'll hear?
Hah. Who am I kidding?
The faces you'd make.
The walks through the forest right next to your house,
the times you'd spend on your balcony, just sitting on that swing,
talking to me, with a cup of warm coffee on your hand,
the times you'd be so immersed in a book, with your eyes scrunched up in concentration,
How you loved the thunderstorms.
Love, you're the strongest person I know.
Been through so much, yet you still go on, still have so much inspiration,
so much motivation, such a drive to succeed.
You never give up.
Chocolate,
Smile.

*knucklebump