green
means something else now

i used to call it comfort
the way i reached for
a green that didn’t grow anything
just softened the edges
and blurred the ache

until fullness
felt empty

until the chaos
drowned itself in silence

until even the storm
learnt to whisper

until emptiness
felt full

i didn’t call it
escape
not then
just quiet
just something
to get through the day

but even quiet
can rot the roots

i stayed in that winter
longer than i needed to
numbed the ache
until i forgot
what it was like
to feel anything grow

but now
green
means something else

it means life
pushing through
thin cracks
in dry ground

it means i don’t run
when the light comes in

that i can sit still
without reaching for a way out

that something in me
is waking up
and wants to stay

not a bloom
not yet
but maybe
one day