so you smiled when I talked and I didn't know what to do....
I knew I had fooled you.
I didn't mean to or want to but before I knew it all this power was in the palm of my hands.
and I was slipping under the pressure
you told me you loved me and all of a sudden I felt sick
I wanted to say it back as easily as you said it to me but I couldn't
the words were choking me as I tried to let them free.
love.
god, why was it so hard?
you were everything I needed and nothing I deserved
but you loved me wasn't that all that's supposed to matter?
wasn't that supposed to be enough?
you said it with such confidence....
and maybe I didn't say it back because I couldn't believe someone loved me when I hardly could.
but this wasn't about me this was about everything you would whisper in my ear late at night that made me sick to my stomach.
I begged myself to put on a mask and pretend everything was okay for your sake.
and it worked for a little while
but hiding became harder and harder....
you began to notice and every time you looked at me I could see it quietly breaking you
I really didn't want it to
for me to be the reason of that look
but I just didn't love you....