There is anger in your eyes.
Instability
when you look at me
I fear for my safety,
we both know what
you could do.

What you are capable of.

In these moments
your eyes are incapable of
love.
All I can do is look
above me, into
your face
and pray you do
not erase me.

You could.

We both know it.
If it had ever gone to blows,
who knows what
could have happened?
I honestly don't know,
and so, I sunk
low into the ground
when you glared.

I thought I could tame you,
through the rare times you were
scary
and the times in which you
laughed,
it was always a shame when
those moments passed.

Hello Mr Hyde
where is Mr Jeckll?
Allow me to laugh along
as you heckle me
and my family,
stand alongside me
and taunt me.

No one's going to stop you.
What could they do?

They thought me safe,
within your embrace.
The only one in our 'family'
who could calm you,
they all 'knew' that I loved you.

And I did.

You were everything.
Absolutely everything.

After all, you stayed.
You played along with
my childish whims,
you made me grin and laugh,
helped me plan my path
of dependence on you.

I thought that, as I grew,
you'd stay.
I thought you could be constant.
Apparently not.

You helped to start this rot,
began the knot in my stomach.
You took my breath away,
leaving me to choke on air
all too aware of my fragility,
all too incapable of stability.

Every one appears as you.
Everybody new.
Even if I trust them,
I still can't shake the feeling
that they're not going
to hang about.
Always worry they're about
to shout.
Always thinking I'm about to
accidentally shut them out
in panic.

You were far too manic.
Mood changing
rearranging our lives
at the drop of a hat.
Bat us out of the way,
scream until we sway
with your force.

In so many ways, I am lucky for that divorce.