Allow me a moment to gush
I don’t have any girlfriends, you see
No, not that way. The old way
Like the friend you call from a pink princess phone
To tell about your latest crush

I don’t have a girlfriend who
eats french fries dipped in caramel milkshake
While I describe all the ways he’s amazing
absolutely gorgeous, smart, kind
There’s no vanity in him, he just wants to be in nature
She’d offer me a cigarette (I decline, well, maybe just a drag)
Are all men in Austria like this?
I don’t know, but I’ll ask if he has any friends

If I had a girlfriend, we’d drive around town in her car
(faded smoke, Hawaiian Tropic, sun-scorched vinyl)
No destination but mischief
I’d be blushing
Because she’d ask how far we’d gotten

Well, there’s an ocean between us but
Our souls touched