Delirium.
Here is a time when I know nothing
Yet seemingly everything, all at once.
Pretension.
Addicted in the feeling
Of a lifetime of exaggerations.
Encapsulation of a behavior
And vice I always envisioned
Feared, even.

Evasion.
A method I turn to;
To escape that which I always
Thought would shatter me
My whole personality.

But am I even sure what that is?

How abysmal, small, insignificant.
I realize at times
What I consider to be what
Matters most
Means nothing at all.

Hazy, fleeting, floating
In an atmosphere where I feel joy most—
Illusion. It wasn't joy at all
But freedom—

Still, it could be.

Uncertain.
Haphazard thoughts crash
Against my inhibitions.

Still, I am me.

I cry, laugh, smile, frown
For all sorts of reasons

Still, I will be.

For what I am:
The boy I knew
The man I grew to
Hating and Loving
Endearing and Enduring
Will always stay within.
I shall never forget
Who I was yesterday
And what I shall be
Tomorrow.

These confessions of realizations.
Things I never said—
Wanted to say,
Always
But never managed to.

To you who closed the doors.
To my struggling, elusive honesty.
Then inevitable it was
That I grew tired and besotted
With what we had
Where I could neither retreat
Nor advance towards Elysium.

Delirium.
Encapsulation—
Everything that I am
Towards the void
We find ourselves.
Finally, surrender was all I had
To save my drowning conceptual notion
Of all I perceive
Of whom I am
Of whom I was
And who I will be
From further despair.

Oblivion.
Emergence—
From the cocoon I've wrapped myself in.
Eternally questioning: am I free?
Have I grown from what we had
Or do I remain as myself,
Complete, as I view
The aspired self I lost
Along the way?

still.

Remembrance—
The Preservation of what needs to be
Propagating the lesions I earned
From you.
The imagination I conjured
In hopes of a better
Cause and outcome.

Finality. Nihility.
This moment shall be the end.

Of us.

Destroying what elated,
But ironically
Hunted all that I can give.

Remembrance—
The good times
The bad times
I shall carry
Perpetually
Wherever the winds,
The lightning,
and the Imaginary,
Shan't take
This delusional life I led.