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Nov 2023
I don't want to die

I just want enough cash to survive.
I just want food on the table,
Clothes on our backs,
And a handful of of happy memories

I don't want to die

I just want life to be simple,
I just want to run away from my problems,
I just want
I just want
I just want
I just want to

I don't want to die

I want to not feel selfish.
I just want to take a breath.
To not feel the guilt creep in,
Every time I watch Netflix or Disney.
Every time I try to get a good deal at Walmart or Amazon,
When I buy a burger,
Buy a shirt,
Buy a vacuum,
Buy water
that I'm helping a company further dig it's talons into our soil, our souls,
Our morales trying to take refuge somewhere not in reality
Because this reality can't sustain
A healthy mind
And a healthy wallet
At the same time

I don't want to die

My mind won't stop screaming.
The mind never quiets,
Never pauses,
Never takes respite.

I have locked eyes with something,
I'm not sure what yet.
It waits patiently, though,
At the edge of my vision.

It feels like I can't breathe,
I can't breathe,
"Please, bend the knee,
Get off of me!"

I don't want to die

Gaza is being bombed
Mother's cry out for their children
Father's carry theirs in grocery sacks
The people have been cut of from water, food, electricity, internet

I don't want to die

But sometimes it feels endless,
Feels like I'll never get my peace,
It feels like I'm carving out a place in the world that rejects me at every turn.
An endless fight, rolling the stone uphill.
And yet, I try.

I don't want to die.

I want to keep trying.

I want to keep moving,
Keep making noise
We need to keep making noise,
Now is the time that we resist
Now is the time that we fight back

They can't keep us in the dark anymore
We are seeing the light
Post by post
Video by video
Lived experience, parasocial relationships, live footage
We are watching the horror around the world
As a collective
We can be so much more than individuals, we can rise up
As a collective

I don't want to die

Sometimes it might feel like
I want to die
But I promise, it's not a permanent feeling
We can channel our anguish into passion
Our passion into words
Our words into action
We have the power of transmutation
We can decide where our story goes

I don't want to die

I want to fight
Free Palestine. Free Hawaii. Free Congo. Free Puerto Rico. And more. And don't lose hope. We have the power to change so much. We are on the brink of a whole new way of life, where capitalism and patriarchy and religion don't have to rule our lives. We can do amazing things.
Ellyn k Thaiden
Written by
Ellyn k Thaiden  Amongst The Stars
(Amongst The Stars)   
269
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